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DPs anxiety has cost him his job. Pls help me.

(9 Posts)
Hellmouth Thu 23-Feb-17 19:04:54

He has had anxiety really badly for a while. Then his dad died, and we had to look after his mum for a while as she is ill. She is currently in hospital.

He was still in probation at work and because of his anxiety and stress, he had to take loads of time off and, in general, was not hitting his targets.
When they were firing him, they even said they know he isnt well, and they think he needs to take some time before working again.

He now keeps saying to me that he's useless and there's no point in living, and that he's sorry he's made life harder for me. Ihonestly don't know what to do! I have told him not to look for a job just yet though, which we can barely afford, but I do think he needs to address his mental health before going into a new job.

I'd really appreciate advice from anyone living with a partner with anxiety.

Thanks

scurryfunge Thu 23-Feb-17 19:08:45

Is he under the care of a GP? Medication, CBT, etc may assist him.

Vegansnake Thu 23-Feb-17 19:27:21

Your not alone.but I've no advice.im sorry for what you are going through..I suspect we are not far behinned you,and I've no idea what to do...we did have a mind walk in centre in our town..I went to go and get advice and it had closed down😡

Hellmouth Thu 23-Feb-17 20:07:12

He has been to his GP, but she thought it was just related to his dad's death. He didn't make it clear that he's always been like this, mostly cos he has been in denial about it. I m trying to get him to go again as an emergency appointment. You literally have to wait weeks for a doctor's appointment in our area sad

There really aren't enough local resources anymore, everything is closed down or underfunded sad

NolongerAnxiousCarer Thu 23-Feb-17 21:12:21

The emergency GP appointment sounds good, will he let you go with him? He may be entitled to ESA ( previously SSP) if his GP will give him a sick note. There are 2 types contribution based, based on his NI contributions or if he doesn't have enough contributions for this there is income based ESA which goes off your household income, although it has to be pretty low to qualify for this. This might give him some breathing space financially whilst he gets better

clickershed Thu 23-Feb-17 21:26:22

Sounds tough OP. Have similar issues - not as severe but I can understand how powerless and overwhelmed you feel.

Ask him how he feels you can help him ... but can you also gently insist he needs to take action himself too to take a break.

Keep the lines of communication open whatever you do.

Good luck OP.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 23-Feb-17 21:29:58

Can he self refer to IAPT and get booked in for CBT? I found it really helped my anxiety, even though I was really sceptical and didn't believe in talking therapy. Coupled with a mega high dose of meds, I am feeling much more like my old self and have better coping strategies for the times when I feel myself slipping into poor thought cycles.

Hellmouth Thu 23-Feb-17 21:55:02

Nolonger I will try to go with him, I really hope he does let me. I'd like to be there to make sure he doesn't miss anything out about how he is feeling.
Household income is now just under 25k, although I do some overtime work which should give me an extra 200-400 before taxes per month. I suspect it's not low enough, but that will be ok, I can make our finances work for the moment.

clickershed thank you, that's great advice. I always find myself asking what he wants to do, I've never thought about what he might feel I can do for him.

AndNone great username smile Oh, thank you, I didn't even know that was a possibility. I will look into it.

NolongerAnxiousCarer Fri 24-Feb-17 18:45:41

Hi,

The household income is only taken into account if he doesn't have sufficient NI contributions. But yes I think thats over the threshold. Hope hehas managed to get a GP appointment.

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