What is my problem?!?!

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

I am in desperate need of help. I'm 21
All my life I have had trouble with so many things;
I used to self harm
I am severely depressed (on tablets)
Have anxiety to the max (also on tablets)
I cannot tell the time unless it's 12hr
I don't know my left and rights
I have the shortest attention span
My short term memory is atrocious
I often get my words muddled up when talking
I'm over sensitive to noise (I hate the cinema and nightclubs)
I'm impulsive, I need things yesterday!!
I have barely any sense of time, speed, distance etc.
I find it hard to follow instructions (my mum used to ask my to run upstairs get her 2 things and I'd always forget)
I'm always late and forget the most important things such as my theory test even though I've got it written down and panic that id forget
I talk excessively to the point I feel like I am going to explode
I can't spell for shit. Without autocorrect and google it would look like a 6 year old wrote this
I procrastinate to the extreme
I have trouble staying motivated
My school reports were "So and So is clever but is easily distracted, she needs to apply herself more and work harder"
I left school with 1 GCSE and I feel I was failed! I had extra lessons outside of school as well. I was tested for dyslexia in college came back I had it but it was never noted nor taken into account. I was suspended often and had a lot of dentitions. I really do want to learn but I could never understand and if I didn't get it I never did but if I got it I excelled.

Anyway I really need to get a diagnosis as I'm doing a degree from home and I need to be able to put down my problems so my tutor is aware and it is taken into account unlike at school. It's a struggle when people think you are dumb, maybe I am but I need help either way! Thank you if you got this far, I hope someone can guide me in the right direction.

Also my parents put it down to me being 'dumb' so that is all I've known to be but I think there is a big underlying problem.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

Your attention span is not so bad that you can't compose a reasonable comment about your situation. Then put your problems into a context where the problems you are having need addressing.

You zre better than you think you are.

[AnnaFiveTowns]

You could have ADHD. You could have self esteem issues going back your childhood. The way you describe your chaotic mindset reminds me a bit of me (and my son.) I have completed an online test and according to these I probably have adhd. I'm looking into getting a proper diagnosis for me and ds. Google the online test and take it.

[AnnaFiveTowns]

If you used to self harm then I would say that something has gone on in your childhood. Did you have a difficult time? Did you feel out of control, in any way?

[AnnaFiveTowns]

If you are female then adhd is massively under- diagnosed. I've just re-read your post and it sounds like classic adhd. I know somebody in her forties who recently got diagnosed and is taking Ritalin for it; she says that the difference it has made to her life is immense. She can actually get things done now. The only problem is that there isn't the funding for adults so she had to pay privately to get a diagnosis.

[NinjaLeprechaun]

I'd suggest possible ADHD as well. You're the same age as my daughter, who also has anxiety and depression (bipolar), and what you describe sounds a lot like her when she doesn't take her ADHD meds. She was diagnosed when she was 14 and literally went from near the bottom of her class to nearly the top of her class, medication makes that much difference.
It certainly wouldn't hurt to go to your doctor and ask if it's a possibility.

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

Thank you for your replies.
anna yes very much so, I was abused by my mother but I don't seem to be able to have my own mind when it comes to going NC her. She downplays the abuse so much I feel like I dreamt most of it.

This sounds really promising if I can get help for it. I would struggle to go private, is there payment plans?

itsnoteasy It took me a day to write this, I never realised until recently why I am so afraid of writing on the internet to people. I lose my trail of thought, I break down thinking about what people will say about what I write, I couldn't even sleep waiting for replies in case you all thought I was crazy.

One time when I was 12 my mother asked me to spell Worcester. I couldn't. She laughed and ridiculed me, told me how stupid I was but the ironic thing is, she was asking me how to spell it because she didn't know how. It was things like that all the time.

I am going to do everything in my power to get a diagnosis as I can't keep living like this!

And yes I am female.

[WillowGreen]

You could have ADHD, you could also have dyspraxia, which affect your coordination and organisation.

You definitely don't sound like you are crazy. It sounds like you have had very little support so you haven't had the chance to develop coping strategies.
If you are going to do a degree there is often funding available for diagnostic assessments and you can get support and equipment to help you through disabled students allowance. This is a good time to go for a diagnosis as there is support for those who are doing a degree. Tell your tutor about your dyslexia assessment and that you are waiting for a formal diagnosis they will have had a lot of other students in you situation.

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

I have emailed my tutor so hopefully he can shed light on the situation.

I am feeling very uneasy about it all and I could just breakdown, gotta stay strong for the kids though.

Could anyone link any threads about adult ADHD please?

[picklemepopcorn]

Are you in the uk? Your GP ought to be able to help. You have enough history of problems and enough symptoms that it is reasonable to look into an underlying condition contributing to everything else. If you can print out your original post it will save you the struggle of expressing yourself under pressure and trying to remember what to say.

I can feel your frustration!

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

Yes I am.
I think I will do just that, need to pluck up the courage to ring the doctors now. That's another bloody hurdle

[Isadora2007]

I think a lot of the symptoms sound related to the dyslexia- it can have processing issues associated like being able to follow instructions and also telling the time.
You sound a lot like my daughter. She also is anxious and finds concentrating difficult. Thank you for explaining so well how you feel as I now feel I underestimate just how difficult some things are for her.
I hope you can get some support at uni. Can you go and visit the learning suppprt team and talk about your dyslexia and they might help you see what else could be directly related to that?
Best wishes to you. You sound like an intelligent and thoughtful young woman with a great life ahead of you if you can just get the suppprt you deserve. X

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

It's so nice to hear a mother being concerned for their daughter. It really is a huge struggle. Is it weird I wish you were my mother? (it is)
I have emailed the student support team in hope they can find me local help! The university is based about 4 hours away from me.

It is so lovely to hear that, thank you very much. Honestly made my day

[Pollyanna9]

Re the telling the time thing yes it can be a sign of a condition but a lot of younger people these days are so used to only seeing digital time displays that a standard clock face and terms such as 'quarter to' they just don't understand! My DD (15) will say 'it's 40 past' bless her and can't tell the time properly on a clock face (but she's got no conditions at all).

I do hope you find the help you need and I'm sure once you've got a diagnosis and start getting help, you'll be off and running. just as Isadora says. Well done for standing up and taking the first steps to managing all those symptoms.

[picklemepopcorn]

Actually, the learning support team at Uni should get you a thorough Ed Psych assessment as well. Go both ways, GP and Uni.

[pinkdonkey]

I have dyspraxia and recognise a lot of what you describe. Telling the time, telling the difference between right and left, poor organisation and planning. I also have problems with co ordination, ballance and spatial awareness. People with dyspraxia also often have autistic tendancies. Physiotherapy can help. Agree go via GP and Uni routes.

[LifeAsWeKnowIt]

I bottled ringing the GP today. I hate making appointments, I never know how I'm going to feel come the day. How do adults get a diagnosis?? It took me 2 years from when I realised I had anxiety and depression to get help for it, I can't wait that long again

[unlucky83]

I've just been diagnosed (on the NHS) with ADHD at 49. A lot of what you say I relate to...the impulsiveness, lack of concentration, etc but some I don't.
You could have ADHD co-morbid with another condition....perhaps dyslexia or dyspraxia...
The depression/anxiety/self harm could be just down to lack of self esteem and fear of messing up - because of a condition.
You are always failing and struggling and other people make it look so easy - they must be so much brighter than you...when in fact if you do have a condition just keeping up is an achievement.
My DD also has ADHD I used to tell her it is like being in a race up a hill - the others are way ahead but they have free legs. You have your legs tied together - you can still make it up that hill but you have to try a lot harder...

Telling the time - I agree a lot is down to we rarely use analogue clocks any more but DD is bright but couldn't work out how to tell the time until she was in her mid teens. It just seemed to her that you have to learn the names of where the hands were ... there wasn't a reason for it.
(I think it was down to how it was taught and how her brain works - she got it after I explained about the second hand going round once making the minute hand move one minute and the hour hand move a teeny bit too ... and the more the minute hand moved, the more the hour hand got closer to the next hour....basically all three hands are moving at the same time...just at different speeds and all in a 'clockwise' direction - once the big hand gets past the 6 the hour hand is closer to the next hour so it becomes something to... I think most children pick that up instinctively - DD needed it explained... )

You do need to go to your GP and ask for an assessment - if need be say for ADHD - a good psychiatrist should be able to work out exactly what is going on ...
There might be quite a wait for a diagnosis - even for an appointment...so see if you can see the Ed Psych too...

In the short term - use technology- put things onto something like google calendar and get it to remind you - by email or alarm on your phone.
Set alarms for yourself - so if you need to be somewhere work backwards I need to be there by 4pm, it takes me 30 mins to get there so that's 3.30pm, it will take me 30 mins to get ready -I will give myself 10 mins leeway so I need to start at 2.50pm...the set an alarm for then, then 3, then 3.25 and if nec write down what you should be doing at each time.

Get a small notepad - or use your phone and write everything down you have to remember (I have an app called ticktick that I use) - even little things so you don't forget and you have more brain space cos you aren't trying to remember...in fact if you can try and do things straight away whilst you think of them...

For the GP - can you book online? even if you have to wait a week or so you can just do it now...
And do take your first post and add anything else you think of to it...
Good luck!