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Has anyone experienced unresolved grief and come through it?

(6 Posts)
meltownmary Fri 17-Feb-17 18:51:05


Had a devastating loss nearly four years ago. Got on with things pretty soon after. Was numb I think. Lots of other awful things happened at the same time that took up a lot of my brain space. But was kind of ok. Or so I thought.

Anyway, in the last six months I am in bits with anxiety and all the rest of it. It's coming to the surface again. Shit.

Went to GP yesterday in despair, and he recommended counselling. OK so far, then said I should consider Escitalopram for the anxiety. Gave me a script and I filled it, but I am full of anxiety and will not take them. I know, but that's me.

I am not taking any other meds at all for anything else. He also gave me a weeks supply of 3mg Lexotan to take if I get panicky. They are god's gift, but I have to be careful not to become dependent on them.

Jesus will this anxiety ever go away. It is awful.

I really am banking on the counselling.

Has anyone else suffered complex unresolved grief and how are you now if you did.

Thanks so much.

Woollymammoth63 Fri 17-Feb-17 19:01:30

Hi , yes I had complex unresolved grief , and I did come through it . What happened with me was, I also coped more or less at the time, but then a few years later I had a separate episode of trauma which then affected me and I have had to work through it all at once. The grief part involved going back and remembering what happened, and feeling it again, and reframing it into my experience from my perspective now. Being self compassionate and allowing that grieving process to happen properly. In my case the complex part involved a second person who I had to care for who also became life threateningly I'll and in a traumatic way who I hade to look after and which interfered with the grieving of the first sudden death.
During the counselling you'll gradually be transported back there and start to grieve properly and process it. In the meantime you could try mindfulness techniques and regular reviews at the GP for the anxiety and other symptoms. It's up to you whether you take the ADs , it's your decision.

Bluebell66 Fri 17-Feb-17 19:02:18

Hi Melton, I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you. I too suffered a devastating loss nearly four years ago, I lost my husband to lung cancer. Over the last three years I have lurched from pretending to cope to being literally housebound with crippling anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed with PTSD, complicated grief and severe anxiety and depression. I have also recently been diagnosed with ME triggered by the trauma of losing my husband. I had a year of CBT which didn't really help me, maybe I wasn't ready. Since just before Christmas I have been having bereavement Counselling with CRUSE. I was advised to do this by my GP when I broke down in the surgery one day. I was sceptical but I can honestly say I think it's helping me. Grief is a very long, lonely, complicated road. There are better days and then days when you feel like you are back at square one. I know I will always carry a deep, deep sadness in my heart that my children have lost their beloved Daddy and I have lost my soul mate, but very gradually, since starting the Counselling, I can sense small changes in myself.

I would say give the Counselling a good chance and try to keep an open mind.

Wishing you all the very best. xx

meltownmary Fri 17-Feb-17 19:16:28

Thank you for your replies. Glad to hear you are recovering well.

It is tough, but I live in hope that I will come through this.

The anxiety is the worst symptom. I cannot swallow, I often can't eat. I know now that this is a phenomenon associated with unresolved grief and anxiety. GP said it to me yesterday, clever man. Globus Hystericus. And of course I looked it up, as you do! Jesus imagine that. I had never heard of it.

Sometimes I have to chew a yogurt it is that bad.

But onwards and upwards.

meltownmary Fri 17-Feb-17 19:23:58

Meant to say also, very sorry for your losses. It is devastating isn't it. I'm with you.

Eulalia2 Tue 04-Apr-17 08:34:25

Hello, came across this thread through a search. I am sorry to hear about your losses and how hard it has been. I've not had a formal diagnosis as such but after one session yesterday with a CPN at the mental hospital (was referred there urgently due to my self harm/anxiety issues) he told me that he thinks I have complicated grief. My husband died very suddenly 16 months ago and I processed that as 'normal' to some extent although I was also aware of pushing away a lot of feelings. Anyway it was trigged 3 months ago by my mother almost dying (cardiac arrest) which set off depression in me and time off work. Then constant thoughts about the day he died and seeing him dead. Also weird things about him being 'half dead' (sorry to be morbid) but was still a bit warm when I saw him in hospital. This had led to all kinds of weird thoughts and a tranference kind of thing going on with someone I know. I've also stopped eating to the extent where I am just having enough to live from day to day, not slept properly for 3 months and am self harming which is getting worse as doing it daily now. I am now getting help but the whole thing terrifies me as part of me feels like I am not ready for help but clearly I must be if its affecting my functioning. When dh died I was left with our 3 kids aged 16, 13 and 10 now obviously 16 months older. Been really struggling with teenagers and other life events too. Any idea of what I should expect in the future? Thanks.

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