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(18 Posts)
kineticmagnetic Thu 16-Feb-17 23:06:10

What did I just do

kineticmagnetic Thu 16-Feb-17 23:06:45

I think I just sent a 3/4 page rant about my ex to my ex

mainlywingingit Thu 16-Feb-17 23:07:14

By accident?

kineticmagnetic Thu 16-Feb-17 23:07:36

I was writing it as per therapist instruction but then in a moment of wisdom decided he should see it. Fuck

AnxiousMunchkin Thu 16-Feb-17 23:08:49

Deep breaths.

Is he someone that you have to have in your life still - do you share children?

Casmama Thu 16-Feb-17 23:09:02

So what are the potential consequences?

kineticmagnetic Thu 16-Feb-17 23:17:24

He will hate me and never speak to me again. I have bpd and this is going to cause a massive, massive relapse if I've made him hate me

kineticmagnetic Thu 16-Feb-17 23:18:14

No children, I'm a lone parent to a 6 yr old, we split a few months ago after 4/5 years

Casmama Thu 16-Feb-17 23:26:12

I might be missing the point but if you don't have children and you aren't together anymore then why does it matter? If there was that much to criticise the maybe you are better without him in your life?

AnxiousMunchkin Thu 16-Feb-17 23:37:03

I agree - if there are no shared children and the relationship is over then there is no reason for this man to be in your life any more.

The end of a relationship is rarely easy for anyone, and I understand that if you are dealing with borderline personality disorder then this may be even harder for you.

But logically, what does it matter what he thinks of you now? Why would you want to speak to him again anyway?

On a more practical note, is there any way you can contact your therapist tomorrow to talk about what's happened?

kineticmagnetic Fri 17-Feb-17 06:57:30

He is the only father figure DD has had and so is still in touch with her. He saw me through some very difficult times so I would have liked to continue having him as a friend.

Iamastonished Fri 17-Feb-17 07:00:13

What medium were you writing it on that you could send it? Email? Text? Messenger?

kineticmagnetic Fri 17-Feb-17 07:15:26


kineticmagnetic Fri 17-Feb-17 07:16:05

Well as a note on my phone then decided to email it

AnxiousMunchkin Fri 17-Feb-17 07:24:27

Friendship with an ex partner is so much easier said than done though - especially only a few months on when you are still hurting from the relationship going wrong and grieving for a future that you thought you had together. It takes time to recover from all of that and trying to maintain a friendship whilst you get over the relationship can be really unhelpful for your recovery, in my experience and opinion anyway. That's not to say friendship with an ex isn't possible - but for me it was possible a year or so after the split, I needed the time apart no contact to move on with my own life.

I understand that there is a parenting relationship between him and your daughter as well to consider - is he planning on maintaining that for as long as she needs, as she grows up, the next 15/20 years? If so, I'd suggest at least temporarily formalising your relationship to only contact regarding arrangements for your daughter. Otherwise, I'd really recommend no contact at all for an extended period 6-12 months at least. After that you can pick up a friendship without all the raw hurt and grief you have now.

Has he responded at all?

Either way, my advice now would be to write to him again, explain that you regret sending what you did and do not wish to discuss it further, and set your new boundaries (no contact for X time or contact only regarding arrangements for your daughter, if he plans on remaining in her life LONG term) and ask him to respect those boundaries, as that is what you need to heal.

Hope that helps and that things look less bleak in the light of day flowers

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Fri 17-Feb-17 09:08:05

Mabey, just mabey, you said things that needed to be said to him.

I understand all to well it is not easy to live with a manic depressive, (my wife will contest to that) but you are what you are. If he failed to come to terms with your condition, he possib,y needs to hear some home truths.

PS, what exactly did you say?

ClemDanfango Fri 17-Feb-17 09:11:27

To be honest if you've got 3/4 pages of rant worthy content about this person he's probably not someone you need in your life. This might be a blessing in disguise.

kineticmagnetic Fri 17-Feb-17 17:14:08

He's not responded, I doubt he will but I'm feeling ok about it today.

DD and him are so close, that is the only thing bothering me now, he's promised to still be there for her and I think I've ruined that.

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