Dd is now nearly 14 months. I've posted under other names about my situation but it is long and dull. To summarise she was prem, for various reasons (illness and misinformation) I delayed her rotavirus vaccine and then when I took her for it it was too late for her to have it.
This decision has ruined my life. And her life. And the life of my older child.
By 14 months ds had been swimming practically since he was born, to loads of baby groups / stay and plays, been to soft plays, been to children's farms - anything that was vaguely suitable for his age he'd done.
In contrast dd has done nothing. I barely take her out the house.
I was under the perinatal team who prescribed my sertraline that dh didn't wasn't me to take as I was and still am feeding and then referred me for CBT. I heard nothing for serveral months so paid privately for a number of sessions which made no difference and the therapist said I was too tired for it to have any meaningful difference.
Went to GP for unrelated issue and got upset and the whole sorry story came out and she referred me again for CBT but I still haven't heard anything.
Thing is they're so stretched aren't they? Non-essential services are being cut all over the place
So I'm still here. Stuck. Twelve months down the line and no better. Scared to leave the house, yet the house feels sinister. Convinced something awful is going to happen. I'm completely isolated and haven't seen any of my friends for months and months to the point where I no longer have any friends. I lie awake at night and plan dd's funeral, tying myself in knots over whether I'd have her cremated or buried. Imagining having to call my parents and tell them that she's died. It's so real that it feels like it's happening.
I have no idea how to get myself out of this mess. If I could press a button and just not be any more then I would in a heartbeat. It feels like all the sadness that ever was and ever will be is resting on me.
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Mental health
PND and anxiety getting worse
169 replies
Skatingonthinice16 · 15/02/2017 21:54
OP posts:
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