Drs tomorrow- will I finally get help?

[WearyMumof3]

Hello,

As the subject says, tomorrow I'm at the Drs, I've tried going several times over the past few years with several set backs, I guess what I'm looking for from mumsnet is some encouragement and words of wisdom so I don't turn into my usual quiet self and don't get my point across to the gp...

Ever since my early teens I have suffered with depression, I seem to have one to two weeks of being ok then I sink into a heavy depression and feel suicidal. I was put onto fluoxetine at 14 for about a year.. my parents (my mother) didn't know what to do with me, I was in and out of hospital, didn't finish school and was sent to live with grandparents...

Through a stroke of luck I met my husband and started to build my life, we fell pregnant with my now 9yo son... after he was born I had severe PND, I was referred and saw a counsellor but was told i could only have one session, I think that set off my dislike of mental health support on the NHS, how I feel towards my son is different compared to my younger 2, he has high functioning autism which I know is my fault and my inability to love him as I know I should since birth... I do love him of course but I don't feel like I know him and often wish my husband would leave me and take my eldest with him... I didn't feel like this with my younger two but it I did notice the difference in how I felt about my eldest- I took myself to the Drs and was told to call samaritans... I went back and was given an appointment for talking mental health Derbyshire, that appointment was cancelled on the morning I was due to go and they couldn't offer me another one at the time. So I've spent the last year just plodding along.

Here and now after my periods returned in the summer and my husband had the snip last year I've noticed that my monthly severe depression is back, I've been using an app to track my moods and cycles, I feel suicidal in the week or so leading up to my period, my mood settles somewhat but still extremely anxious and easily wound up... it looks like premenstrual dysphoric disorder is what has been my problem for the past 14 years, but how do I go about getting help, do I ask for help treating that in hope it will tie in the on going pnd and the lack of bond I have with my eldest?

What do I do if I'm fobbed off with the samaritans again? I'm desperate to help and to feel well, I may not have described my issues eloquently here but this it what they are in a nutshell, what help should I be asking for?

[umberellaonesie]

I would print this off and take it with you to give to Gp. You have explained your situation very clearly.

[HelenaGWells]

I would also suggest taking a copy of this to the doctors.

The biggest thing to me is that you are blaming yourself for everything. Autism has NOTHING to do with you. There is nothing you did to make it happen. It's also not a bad thing. There are plenty of people who have high functioning autism and although we face challenges lots of us have families and partners and hold down jobs. Please don't worry about that.

I hope you get the right support this time.

[WearyMumof3]

Thank you, think know going to make some notes with what I've said here and take it with me.

I took an admin role I do from home earlier this year and I think I'm struggling with the lack of interaction, Skype conversations don't really count and I've noticed my ability to have a normal conversation with an adult is so strange- I don't know how to speak to people when they make chit chat... my youngest is 20 months and not yet walking and extremely clingy we've struggled getting her settled in nursery and she is a screamer unless she is holding on to me, I love the bones off her but feel suffocated.

From the outside I have a lovely life, lovely home, new car, but inside I'm ready to end it all :(