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SIL has borderline personality disorder

(3 Posts)
Nightmare123 Sun 12-Feb-17 16:10:28

SIL has BPD. Things have been so up and down and I have struggled with how she treats my brother. I will try and keep this succinct but the issues have been building for a number of years. There has been some massive downs but at the moment she seems much happier in herself. However, they were both called into the school recently and they are very concerned about the oldest daughter. The school counsellor has been speaking to her and she has told them a number of very concerning things and they are very worried about both children-verging on neglect.

My brother works away for most of weeks and it seems my SIL takes herself off to bed when she gets back from work. The DC then stay up till all hours. They don't have any dinner made for them. My SIL picks them up some doughnuts from the shop for breakfast. On another note - the house is filthy,I mean properly dirty. We have been round to clean and cook but they don't maintain it. There are never sheets on the bed, dirty toilets, food everywhere etc etc.

BPD is so complicated. Before we thought that kids doing ok, however they have an assessment since the school talk and the dr's are also concerned about their MH. To try and keep things short, my brother has been advised to remove the children from their mother asap. I'm so totally worried about it all. I feel we should have done more before but things had seemed a little better. My SIL when to a private clinic some time ago and this had helped. I believe my brother thought he was doing the right thing but sticking by her but now it is directly affecting the DDs....

Does anyone have any advice?

oleoleoleole Sun 12-Feb-17 16:17:58

No advice but my sympathy. Your SIL is very ill and unable to cope,by the sounds of it. Can your brother have some time off work to look after the children. Social services may look at some help for the family, childcare etc.

Clonakilty Sun 12-Feb-17 22:43:44

She is indeed very ill; BPD is horrible and there isn't stability with emotions. It sounds as though work is draining your SIL completely. She needs help - is it possible for your brother to do more when he is home? Could they both cook some meals together to freeze? I know it will depend on the age of the DC, but they might need to be a bit responsible and do a few things for themselves whilst she goes through the worst of it. Is SIL on antidepressants? That might stop the absolute lows. Or she might need to take a bit of time off sick
In order to recover. She's sleeping because she needs it - it won't be for ever. You all need to rally round. When DD was 10 I was the same for about 4 months. It took a while to get back to a functioning stage.
I hope you all stick by her; she isn't behaving like this by choice. She is a very ill woman who needs help from everyone around her.

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