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Just want to be handed Lethal Injection. There's nothing left...

(14 Posts)
Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 15:49:47

No need for concern I'm not going to actually do anything.

But my GODDDDD do I wish I had the balls to. I don't want to be on this Earth, living this miserable life anymore...

Single mother with disabilities. Got dumped by child's father for another woman. He no longer wants his child after a year of being a Father. DWP screwed me over leaving me unable to claim a penny (really long complicated story I don't want to go into) and unable to work most jobs and the ones I can do, won't take me on.

I am literally spending every single day crying from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep at night. I'm shaking.

On highest dose of anti-depressants Docs can give. They have apparently tried them ALL with me and when they referred me I was deemed as "Not mentally ill, just reacting to bad life experiences" so they felt I didn't need to see Psychiatrist - who is the ONLY person who can prescribe me anything other than what I've already had... I was told to go to Relate!! (Can't afford it!)

My Daughter is VERY VERY well cared for. And surprisingly upbeat considering the miserable Mummy she has. But there's no doubting how much happier and better off she would be if she went to a proper family. It would destroy me but I KNOW it's what would be best for her in the long run...WWYD?

Maybe then I could find a way to FINALLY take the hint & do myself in sadsadsad

Shockers Fri 10-Feb-17 16:01:58

You need some help. As you have disabilities, do you have a social worker?

I'd also just like to say that your daughter would not be happier and better off without you. The destruction and devastation of losing you would always be with her.

Be kind to yourself and ask for help. I really hope you get some, as it sounds like you've had a raw deal. Good luck.

Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 16:20:25

No I just have limited walking and pains so no need for a Social Worker.

There is NO further help in my area on NHS! That's it. X

Ilovecaindingle Fri 10-Feb-17 16:22:38

Have you got friends and emotional support in rl?

Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 17:41:21

My Mum (73) is not very understanding and just turns it all around into how it affects her. Her solution to depression is "Life is crap, just get on with it!!!" And whenever I talk about how I'm feeling and I say something like "I'm not choosing to feel like this" She takes it as an insult to her intelligence because she KNOWS I'm not choosing to feel 'miserable' so I get "Well I DO know!! I wasn't born yesterday you know!!" So I've given up. I have literally BEGGED her to listen to me and be there for me emotionally but there's just no talking to her. She won't have it!

Don't have any friends. Well I have one that I speak to on the phone but she's a single mum to 4 and doesn't hardly have the time to see us. And when she does, her older 2 boys don't give us a chance to speak more than 2 words without interrupting. So we stick to the phone! Not something we've agreed to as such, just how it's become. That's kids isn't it? But we do speak a couple times a day usually.

user1486613612 Fri 10-Feb-17 17:57:33

That is great you have someone to speak to every day! Don't think you should try to get your mum to change, though, she seems set in her ways. It's better to "speak" to us on mumnet.

Why can't you work most jobs? I understand that it's harder to actually "get" the job, but that aside what is it that you need help with in order to take a certain job?

In any case your daughter is counting on you being there for her quite a while longer.

Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 18:32:38

Oh mostly medical reasons. Probably exaggerated a bit there. There are many I could do, I guess my mental health is stopping me right now. I don't even feel like I can leave the house. Don't get me wrong, if I could do what I'm qualified to do, I'd be there in a flash!!!!!!

Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 18:35:51

Can't do it though, as a single parent!! Typical.

Everything is going wrong. I am literally waking up shaking unable to breathe and shaking all day. It's like a permanent anxiety attack, despite being on the mother of all anti-anxiety meds sad

user1486613612 Fri 10-Feb-17 18:47:28

Maybe you should consider leaving the house, because I found this other thread that you might enjoy, but may have missed. It's about a meetup:

Tracey300884 Fri 10-Feb-17 23:06:24

Thankyou, that's very thoughtful of you.

Unfortunately I'm nowhere near any of those meet ups, but I'll keep my eye out, thanks. X

AnxiousCarer Sat 11-Feb-17 11:16:12

flowers Tracey that sounds really hard. Does your area have an iapt service? (Acessing phsychological therapies) a lot of areas have these now and you can generally self refer by phone or online. I would also try seeing adifferent GP and asking for a second opinion on the psychiatrist. If they are unable to manage things then surely a referal to someone more specialist would be a good idea.

user1486613612 Sun 12-Feb-17 06:33:28

What area are you in, approximately? (Not to post your actual address just a vague indication). If you mention it, people here might know of other meetups and opportunities...

Tracey300884 Sun 12-Feb-17 09:46:12

Harrogate, North Yorkshire.

Tracey300884 Sun 12-Feb-17 09:47:36

Anxious It was IAPT Mental Health Services that assessed me and said I "Wasn't mentally ill just reacting to events and would be doing me a disservice to keep me within Mental Health Services" and then told me to go to Relate!!

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