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struggling with partner

(29 Posts)
user1486480224 Tue 07-Feb-17 15:49:35

Hi Guys,
Im new to this and am after some advice. My partner is currently 25 weeks pregnant, she is feeling what she describes as the lowest of the low, she does suffer with depression anyway, which i know is heightened in pregnancy. I am trying my hardest to support her in every way possible (even though we don't currently live together). She keeps talking about how this pregnancy is the biggest mistake of her life. What i would like to know is, has anyone else been in this situation before and is there anything i can do to help, even though she tells me to leave her alone.

BackforGood Tue 07-Feb-17 23:21:07

I don't have an answer for you, but didn't want to leave you without help.

You might get a more knowledgeable reply if you report your thread to MNHQ (just click on 'report' at the top of your post) and ask if they would move it to mental health, or even pregnancy ??

user1486480224 Tue 07-Feb-17 23:34:30

Thank you very much, I have done what you said so hopefully it'll work

AnotherEmma Tue 07-Feb-17 23:41:24

FWIW I think it's fine to post in Chat, lots of topics are discussed here and the threads are deleted after 90 days which some people prefer. However if you were getting it moved, Relationships would also be a good place (since this is about how best to support your partner).

Is she getting professional help for her depression? Does she have a counsellor or therapist? Has she told her midwife or GP how she's feeling?

I think the single most important thing you can do is encourage her to get professional help. If she hasn't yet spoken to her midwife or GP she needs to. Ideally she would get a referral to the perinatal mental health team for specialist support.

What is your relationship like generally? How long have you been together? Are you planning to move in together? Is she living alone at the moment or with someone else?

NovemberInDailyFailLand Tue 07-Feb-17 23:41:49

Why do you not live together? Are you very young?

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:01:20

Hi AnotherEmma
She used to be under a therapist and counsellor but then gave it up when she couldn't afford it. We saw the obstetrician today who is going to put a referral in with the perinatal team. Her midwife and also her gp are aware of her depression and mental health issues.
The relationship was always good, we have been together 3 years this may, but had 6 months apart last year, I have put us down on the council list and are awaiting to hear from them, she is currently flat sharing with another girl and I'm with my parents.

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 00:03:16

Hi NovemberInDailyFailLand
We lived together once, but for some reason it didn't work out very well, due to the location, it was close to a nightclub so on certain days we didn't get much sleep, we also can't afford to private rent either. We are both in our 30's

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 09:50:46


AnotherEmma Wed 08-Feb-17 09:51:53

Mental Health gets a lot less traffic than Chat (and Relationships)

fallenempires Wed 08-Feb-17 17:05:41

The good news is there is the help available for her but she has to want and actively seek out that help herself.
All you can do is let her know that you are there for her and that she can reach out to you when she needs you.Depression is a terrible illness and targets even the best of relationships sadly.
I do hope that things work out for

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 17:22:33

Hi fallenempires,
As it stands, she has unfortunately ended things, she had turned quite nasty towards me, so now she doesn't want anything to do with me. I guess I'll give her time and pray she'll come round.

fallenempires Wed 08-Feb-17 17:55:49

Please don't forget yourself in all of this,sometimes we overlook our own well being when caring for loved ones.

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Feb-17 18:15:49

Sorry to hear that she's ended the relationship. It's impossible for us to say whether it's because of her depression or whether she genuinely wants to end it. It might be difficult for you to tell as well. But you do need to respect her decision and give her space now.

Why did you have 6 months apart last year? Was that a joint decision or not? Was it due to her mental health and/or other issues?

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 18:29:27

Hi AnotherEmma
It was her decision, I made a mistake a huge mistake, which I have paid the price for, all was forgiven and we moved on from that. After we got back together we talked things through and decided we were gonna try for a baby.

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Feb-17 18:46:54

What mistake?

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:02:58

I was sexting another girl, which I am not proud of and equally disappointed in myself for doing it. So when I say I've paid the price, it's something I have to live with and makes me feel sick thinking about it.

fallenempires Wed 08-Feb-17 19:09:07

What on earth made you do that?

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Feb-17 19:17:04

Hmm well I have to say I agree with her when she says that getting pregnant by someone who cheated on her was a mistake.

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 19:21:55

I keep asking the same question over and over and I never know the answer, but the fact is we sat down and talked and agreed that we'd put this behind us and concentrate on our future, she's joined a web chat forum for spouses that can't trust their partners and did mention counselling. Thing is I'd never do that again, and have been squeaky clean since we got back together

NovemberInDailyFailLand Wed 08-Feb-17 21:23:37

Well, that's a dripfeed and a half.

Pregnancy is a time of heightened insecurities for women. In your case, you have given her a damn good reason not to trust you.

You deserve to be dumped, so you have a lot of grovelling to do if you want her to even think about giving you another chance.

fallenempires Wed 08-Feb-17 21:23:53

Is this why you chose to post on the MH board instead of the relationships one?

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 21:32:41

No, I posted this before she announced the split!! I was genuinely looking for some advice

BackforGood Wed 08-Feb-17 21:38:46

Fallenempires - I advised poster to ask it to be moved to mental health as was in unanswered threads and i didn't know what advice to give but didn't want them left without support. OP was about partner's MH / depression

user1486480224 Wed 08-Feb-17 21:47:23

Thank you BackforGood. Clearly everyone wants to punish me for a mistake that was dealt with instead of actually answering the advice I sought after.

fallenempires Wed 08-Feb-17 22:36:12

Back you did the right thing.
OP do you have a link to the previous thread,there are far too many posters with user & numerous digits on here atm so it is hard to search.
I post on both relationships and mental health but primarily on here as I suffer from MH & anxiety as I find the support invaluable.
FWIW I did post to offer you advice.

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