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is this what depression feels like?

(3 Posts)
runningLou Mon 06-Feb-17 17:18:35

Called in sick from work today. For first time ever I pretended to be ill as could not face work. It is mind numbing and I never have enough to do. Also I now share an office which I struggle with.
Went on a long bike ride - 10 miles ish. Stopped at a cafe. Was reading my book on my own. I looked round at the people at the other tables, they were chatting and laughing, I felt like I was on another planet. Rode home, had a shower, got DC from school, in a daze.
Feel so tired and drained. Over the past 18 months I have lost touch with almost all former school/uni friends. It was one friend's birthday yesterday but didn't text as I didn't want to get into a conversation - I just don't know how to answer 'how are you?' questions.
Can't tell DH how I feel as I have messed up majorly in the past (affair) and he was an angel to stay with me ... He has anxiety problems himself (due to my past behaviour) and relies on me being 'ok' and supporting him, which I try my best to do.
Hate everything about my life, feel isolated, only comfortable when alone but still feel like a freak even then. Have been having CBT for anxiety but it's not helping.

AnxiousCarer Tue 07-Feb-17 16:40:40

It does sound like you could be depressed. Get yourself a GP appointment. Do try to share with DP how you are feeling. My DH has severe MH problems but has been hugely supportive of me since I've been unwell myself. We are working with our CPNs on being able to support each other better. He has found it tough with me being unwell and less able to support him but we both feel better now the support is going both ways.

runningLou Tue 07-Feb-17 16:55:22

Thanks, I will try to get a GP appt. I have been before but I felt they weren't taking me seriously as I was still eating, sleeping, working, looking after DC etc.
They suggested beta blockers for anxiety but DH takes those for pounding heart etc and I don't experience that.

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