I've just emailed someone about having some counselling

[WasabiNell]

I've made the next step, I really hope she gets back to me quickly. Everything has got so much this weekend, I'm currently laid in bed crying and want to die. I start work in 20 minutes . If I do manage to get an appointment what should I expect? Talking to other people about how I feel isn't one of my strong points.

[Mcnorton]

I'm sorry you feel like this. It's great that you've made the call. I'm sure someone with more experience will advise soon.
I'm not an expert on this but in case it helps I have recently had some CBT (I didn't have severe problems/suicidal thoughts or anything but I felt myself starting to lose my grip and didn't want it going out if control).
It was scary thinking about it because i sort of didn't want to confront myself. I wasn't sure what the problem was exactly, except that I didn't like myself and wasn't happy that I was (over)reacting badly to things and had got myself stuck in a pattern of behaviour I could see but not stop. My therapist asked me some questions and we picked a particular place to start and went from there. It really helped me although it was a bit scary to start with. I feel like I have tools to spot the behaviour patterns I was stuck in and alter them. I'm so glad I did it. I hope you get an appointment soon and it helps.

[togetherlikeglue]

Well done for taking the step. I started therapy a few weeks ago after years of putting it off. I was nervous about opening up too but the therapist is gentle and asks questions that allow me to focus on the important things. It's early days for me but I'm feeling the benefits already. I think most counsellors stress that if you feel the first one you try isn't right for you, that's fine, and don't be put off trying someone else.

[WasabiNell]

Hi Mcnorton and thanks for your reply. This has stuck out for me 'I wasn't sure what the problem was exactly, except that I didn't like myself and wasn't happy that I was (over)reacting badly to things and had got myself stuck in a pattern of behaviour I could see but not stop.' As this is how I feel amongst other things . Encouraging to hear that it helped you, I hope she replies today and I can hopefully get a session this week.

[WasabiNell]

together I'm also glad that it helped you. I'm very nervous about going, I never talk openly about the things that go on inside my head so it will be very daunting. I can't stop crying at the moment, what if I physically can't speak because I'm crying so much?!

[togetherlikeglue]

Please try not to worry about crying, I think it happens all the time in counselling. (There is a box of tissues by the chair where I go, standard equipment!) I have cried in most of my sessions so far, including the first one so my therapist was a complete stranger. But it helped, and her reaction helped. She let it happen then very gently acknowledged that what we had been talking about brought out strong emotions. Absolutely no judgement, and it led into very useful discussions.

Take it one step at a time.

[WasabiNell]

Okay thanks together. I've still had no reply to my email, I know I only sent it this morning but it's making me anxious and I don't really want to have to ring up.

[togetherlikeglue]

I understand not wanting to ring. I was the same. Hopefully you'll receive a reply today, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.

[togetherlikeglue]

How are you doing wasabi?

[WasabiNell]

She still hasn't replied together . I'm going to have to ring her tomorrow. I'm not doing great but I had a friend round for a bit tonight so that helped.

[greathat]

Is it worth phoning samaritans or something in the meantime? Does your work have any stress service? Sorry don't know the circumstances behind this. Hope you are ok xxx

[togetherlikeglue]

You're doing well wasabi, having your friend round was a great idea. I hope you can keep talking to them. If you find it hard to talk when you make the call today, if it sets you off crying, stay with it don't hang up. Just take it slowly and breathe. The counsellor will understand and will wait for you.

The other poster's suggestion of Samaritans in the meantime is a really good one. Do consider them. They help people in many different situations.

[WasabiNell]

Thanks both . I was half an hour late for work again today because I woke up and just cried for ages before I could get up. Luckily my manager is away all week and no one else cares what time I get in. I think I will ring her today, still not had a reply

[togetherlikeglue]

I feel for you, it's so hard to get through everyday stuff. So impressed you got into work. I wonder if a day off would help? It depends how you feel once you're at work, if it's easier once you get started.

Good luck with the call today. Did you use a directory to find the counsellor? If you cannot get through on the phone go back to the directory today and choose someone else.

Take care.

[Freakingoutmummy]

I start counselling next week op...I'm terrified but relieved at same time, here if you want a chat to someone at start of theirs too! Xx

[WasabiNell]

Thank you together. I thought about taking the day off because it wouldn't really impact anyone here but I think it would just make me worse sat at home. At least when I'm here I have to pretend I'm okay. I found her via a directory, I kind of wanted to use her because she has an office in the same village I live in (I live rurally) and also because she was the only woman and I don't feel comfortable talking to a man about about everything. I will ring today and if I get no answer try someone else maybe.

[WasabiNell]

Aww good luck Freaking, I bet you are but well done for making the steps to go!! Thank you, I might take you up on that. Have you ever had anything like this before? Xx

[krustykittens]

I have a hard time talking to people as well but therapy really helped me. I wish I had done it years ago. I hope she sees you soon and you start to feel better quickly. xx

[WasabiNell]

Thank you very much kittens. I'm glad it helped you xx

[WasabiNell]

Okay so I plucked up the courage to ring her. She said she'd received my email but kept trying to reply and couldn't for some reason, she sounded genuinely concerned but can't fit me in for a few weeks . I said I'd go away and try someone else but she sounded nice and is so close to me that I don't know whether to hold out and wait for her? I did really really want to see someone soon though

[togetherlikeglue]

Damn that's a shame. Could she recommend someone else? She might know of female counsellors who just happen not to be on the directory you used. I didn't want a man either.

[WasabiNell]

She directed me to the BACP website and I've been looking at a few female counsellors on there but I don't like the look of them . I think I will ring her and ask to wait, maybe she can fit me in if someone cancels. I've felt shit for so long that another few weeks won't make a difference will it?

[togetherlikeglue]

Yes she may well have a cancellation, fingers crossed. Look out for yourself though. Keep Samaritans in mind if the going gets too tough.

[WasabiNell]

Thank you together, I'm very up and down it's exhausting. I'll keep plodding on though until she rings, I do hope she can fit me in sooner.

for everyone that has been nice.

[Freakingoutmummy]

No I haven't Wasibi but I think I've been needing it for a seriously long time...got to the stage now my head is just too full of bad thoughts and anxiety is ruling my life. I went to drs and have antidepressants which I didn't think I would ever take but they are helping me, I'm just looking forward to the session and having someone to talk to! Hope you get your appointment soon xxxx

[togetherlikeglue]

Hi wasabi just checking in. I hope today has been ok.