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(11 Posts)
ilovechocolates Sun 05-Feb-17 00:42:41

I have no self-belief or self-confidence. It's affected my performance at work. How can I get more? Feel such a failure and incompetent etc sad

ilovechocolates Sun 05-Feb-17 00:45:25

Should probably also say I've had depression in the past- to avoid drip-feeding

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Sun 05-Feb-17 09:45:18

Easy situation to fall into. And it can be a vicious circle of reaffirming behaviour.

I suggest you learn from orgainsations that look after children with challenging and agressive behaviour. They take the children out of the comfort zone. No one can throw a paddy and start chucking things about the place on the top of the moor in the pouring rain if they are scared to their core. But after coming out of a very difficult situation, the children start to learn they can do things, they can be self reliant, Their choices can have an effect. The confidence builds and the agressive behaviour diminishes.

Likewise for you. You believe you can't do anything. Hence you avoid trying to do anything. From there you build a wall of self doubt. That wall is easy to break once you succeed in doing something, anything.

Does that make sense?

languagelearner Sun 05-Feb-17 09:53:02

Be observant on the little things that you manage well.

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Sun 05-Feb-17 10:38:26

I had depression too. I was unemployed & in a crap relationship at the time and honestly thought I was never going to achieve anything ever again.

You say you had depression, not that you have it now. Getting out of it is an achievement, I found it tough enough. And you have a job, that's an achievement too. Out of all the applicants they picked you. So congratulations on both.

At some point, not sure when, my attitude changed. Instead of thinking "I can't do that" I started thinking "Why can't I do that? What would make it possible?"

And it really does make a difference, honestly. That and like language said, noting the small successes.

ilovechocolates Sun 05-Feb-17 19:59:41

Thanks all, that does make sense. Just feeling overwhelmed I guess. If I start to do this- celebrating my successes- how long for it to work? I'm fed up of feeling like this

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Sun 05-Feb-17 21:56:29

I'm not really sure how long it took, but I had no confidence in myself at all so I started with really basic things. Managing money, getting to work on time every day, feeding myself healthily, they were all proof that I could look after myself & I decided I could be proud of that.

It kind of went up from there, I looked at what I was good at and what I struggled with in my job and Googled and asked advice on how to improve, then praised myself every time I did something well or better than previously.

Then after going along to a Parkrun & thoroughly embarrassing myself (though I doubt anyone else noticed) I decided that I wasn't going to leave it there and started Couch to 5K that same day. That meant I had something else to be proud of three times a week.

Is that any help?

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Sun 05-Feb-17 22:22:05

What Empress says is so fantastic I posted it over on chat...

And everyone ignored it...
Ignore them I say... And do as the Empress suggests...

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Sun 05-Feb-17 22:34:01


ilovechocolates Sun 05-Feb-17 23:21:07

Yh my manager says she knows I can do it (I did much the same job elsewhere) but I need to believe in myself confused I just want to feel better about myself. It's so hard having to drag myself out of this dark hole. But back at work tmr so will start trying to change my mindset thanks

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans Mon 06-Feb-17 05:47:41

Good luck flowers

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