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Struggling so much making me not want to be here

(8 Posts)
Louw12345 Sat 04-Feb-17 10:44:17

Since end of October Iv been down. Iv tried so hard not to let it take over me but it has. I don't enjoy anything and have to force myself to see to the home.
Iv missed days off uni I have anxiety when I walk the kids too and from school. I can't have conversations with people.
My daughter has many issues she needs help with and I don't feel strong enough to do this especially when she calls and shouts at me.
I'm sat in my room now crying while I hear my littleones sing and dance to music something we used to do together.
I really can't see no way out I never wanted to be here again

Coffeegrain Sat 04-Feb-17 11:13:55

Hello Lou.
Sorry you are going through this. Have you been to your GP? You will get out of feeling this way with some support. Being a mum is the hardest job. Do you have any support?

Louw12345 Sat 04-Feb-17 12:04:06

I haven't managed to get myself there yet. I don't believe in the tabs and takes forever for counselling.
Bring a mum is haRd and only got worse sInce I started on my career. I can't afford not to carry on with my studies but o emotionally and psyically can't do this for another 6 years.
I'm a full time mum to 5 children. I find I'm het stressed when ex stops seeing the kids and paying for them. I have to try to rebaLance the finances when this happens. It's just all too much and now I'm annoyed with myself I'm here again

Louw12345 Sat 04-Feb-17 12:10:29

I gave support but I can't talk to them coz the kids are always home. And I don't like puttING all 5 on anyway. Oldest doesn't like staying out anyway so ut upsets me to get her out of the house. 2 stopped going to her dad's due to their issues so I haven't had anurine to myself. During the week I slrep if not at uni then have uni work kids hone work making sure my 2nd has the help and supports she needs I'm pulled in so many ways and I don't want to do anything even for myself

Coffeegrain Sat 04-Feb-17 12:53:38

Lou, you have a lot on your plate and it's not surprising you're feeling overwhelmed. You need a break. I bet you underestimate just how much you do do. Huge respect taking on your studies.
I didn't believe in tablets either but they help and when you feel as you do anything that helps is a bonus. At least you feel you're trying to tackle it?

JennyOnAPlate Sat 04-Feb-17 12:57:30

I'm going to sound very unsympathetic here op but it sounds like you've hit rock bottom, and counselling alone isn't enough to bring you back from that.

See your gp again and discuss medication, for your sake and your children's. trust me, I've been there flowers

Louw12345 Sat 04-Feb-17 13:10:53

I think that's my biggest fear. I want to be a mental health nurse and can help and advise people every day all day long but struggle when it comes to me.
My tutor last last year said one of be weaknesses is being strong, and thinking I can deal with things on my own when asking for help is really the sign of strength.
My mum was ill when I was 11 due to the loss of her parents, I put myself into care so she could get the help she needed as she couldn't look after me. I'm scared that will be me. My kids are my world and I feel if I ask for help they might be taken.I know that isn't the case.
It also makes me feel like iv failed, I do now feel like I'm failing my children have so many emotions to why their dad hasn't seen them and I take them on to. I just wish everything could be fine. It's always ups and downs

AnxiousCarer Sat 04-Feb-17 13:12:13

Hi, it does sound like hou have a lot on your plate. I'm another one who tried to stick it out without tablets, just with councelling. Eventually I gave in and started an AD and it made all the difference, it literally saved my life. I really wish I'd gone on it earlier and not waited until I was so low. If someone told you that you were diabetic and needed to take insulin would you take it? Its the same thing, its medication to correct a chemical inballance. Chronic stress causes changes in your brain due to the long term effects of cortisol.

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