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Advice for dealing with partners' GAD

(8 Posts)
noheadspaceleft Wed 01-Feb-17 16:06:08

My DH has fairly severe GAD and has taken escitalopram for over 12 years now. When we met (12 yrs ago) he was funny and cheeky and the anxiety was fairly well controlled. However over the last few years (since DS1 was born) he has got worse and now is almost impossible to live with.

We had a discussion about living arrangements (for when we move to a new city in a few months) as he (in anger) said that he couldn't live with our two DSs any more as it was too full on.

When I revisited it in a calm way, few days later, he said (calmly) that he felt there was nothing between us, that the children were 'annoying' and he didn't know what living arrangements he wanted, but if he lived alone he'd probably drink himself to death.

This was a bit of a shock and also manipulative, I felt. But after mulling it over, I still feel guilt at the thought of leaving him, as I'm sure most of it is the GAD. I don't know what to do! Is this right? Or is he just being manipulative full stop?! My head is wrecked!

Sorry for the essay (thanks for reading if you got through it all!!)

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 01-Feb-17 16:13:11

Please accept my ignorance.. what is GAD?

Thisrabbitthatrabbit Wed 01-Feb-17 16:22:29

Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 01-Feb-17 18:27:48

Why do you feel guilt?
He said the children are annoying and there is nothing between you.

As you said yourself. It was manipulative. Being manipulative is no way to live in a relationship. If his illness is getting worse remember people can only be helped if they help themselves. It sounds like he doesn't want to be helped. He is probably very aware that if he lives alone, he will drink himself to death. Until he is prepared to try and help himself, he is making his own bed.

If it is a threat, it is our interest to face it down. The alternative is to wait until you start a "should I LTB" thread on AIBU. Is that what you really want?

OnceUponATimeInAVest Wed 01-Feb-17 18:31:16

Has he had/is he getting any treatment apart from the meds? CBT/mindfulness/exercise/avoiding caffeine and alcohol etc...

But that's all by-the-by if he doesn't want to be in your family any more.

noheadspaceleft Wed 01-Feb-17 19:43:49

He has finally been back to GP and started an online CBT thing but that's it.
I feel completely hollow and awful that it has all come to this - I really feel like there should be something else I can do, but I know you are right - that he needs to help himself

noheadspaceleft Wed 01-Feb-17 19:44:54

He has left it in such a way that says we are in the way but he doesn't want to be alone either! It is so confusing - I would like to know of anyone else who has been in a similar situation so I don't feel so isolated.

calliboat Fri 08-Jun-18 07:23:34

Hi op, sorry to bring up an old thread but wondered how are things now?

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