I am diagnosed

[AnxiousMunchkin]

I went to my psych triage assessment this morning. After engaging with GP/mental health services on and off for 15 years, now in my mid 30s, someone has given me a diagnosis. I have always been very uninterested in a specific diagnosis. I'm not sure how to feel about it.

So I have obsessive compulsive disorder and cyclothymia.

I have been encouraged to go to an OCD support group, and back to CBT, and my antidepressant increased.

The woman was lovely and reassuring. It was somewhat cathartic just spending an hour talking through all the ups and downs and ways my brain works openly and honestly without the person listening reacting in a shocked or surprised way.

Not sure how to feel now though.

[Rainatnight]

You're very brave for dealing with all of that.

I guess there might be some pros and cons to having a diagnosis?

Maybe you don't need to decide how you feel about it just now, but could sit with it for a while...

[picklemepopcorn]

I'd feel good, I think. Nothing has changed, you haven't been 'given' something, you just have a name for what was already there. Now you get to learn about how to manage it, I suppose. I'm glad you got good treatment there.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

If it helps, when I broke down and became a man in a dressing gown for three months, it did help to have a diagnosis.

I was always thinking something was wrong with me but could never understand what it was. It made sense for someone to explain what that something was even though further meetings and discussions lead to change in diagnosis and a different medication.

[AnxiousMunchkin]

It's all a little overwhelming which I wasn't expecting. It's not like the diagnoses are a surprise. I'm kinda relieved that she doesn't think I meet the criteria for bipolar disorder but not quite sure what to do with a diagnosis of cyclothymia. Obsessive compulsive disorder is slightly disappointing I guess. I might be in slight denial about that. She was talking about me going to the support group with my partner. I'm not sure about that.

[picklemepopcorn]

Would you prefer to go alone? Does your partner need some support as well?

[AnxiousMunchkin]

I think I'd prefer to go alone. I don't think he quite realises the extent of the OCD as he only really sees the external manifestations and not the internal thoughts and a lot of it is literally 'in my head'! Although when I told him this evening that they gave me that diagnosis, he smiled and hugged me and said "yeah, no shit, Sherlock" . I am more surprised than him that it really is OCD!

Perhaps he would like his own support, but he has his own stuff going on too, he's very supportive of me though. I think at least initially I'd go by myself. But be mindful of his needs about this too.

Took my first dose of increased meds tonight. Emailed the OCD group and left a voicemail for the IAPT people (who had already offered for me to go back to CBT I just need to take them up on it).

Keeping on keeping on.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

If you go alone he won't be able to understand the extent of what is going on in your head.

As to him getting support, he probably needs something. My DP days I am hard work and she finds it lonely looking after me.

[AnxiousMunchkin]

I get that. I don't think he's really 'looking after me' though - we look after each other, he's not my carer just think I need to come to terms with this a little myself first.

I'm also not sure he needs to understand the extent of what happens in my head. I'm not sure I do! I don't know how much I would share with a room of strangers either, at least at first, it's not therapy. But I don't want to feel I couldn't say something because I didn't want to say it in front of him.