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Has anyone else experienced what I have..Please reply

(17 Posts)
Secondchance2891 Thu 19-Jan-17 16:02:08

Hi all,
New to this site.
I am 34 yr old (35 this summer) planning on trying for a baby later this year.
Problem is, I suffer anxiety disorder since childhood, and my husband and I had to abort an early pregnancy 3 years ago because I suffered a mental health anxiety crisis. I was severely let down by my GP, no support anywhere, and I completely stopped sleeping. It was traumatic for both my husband and I and I was so scared I couldn't get through it, I had the termination. My GP judged me after also. I had it out with GP two years later and she eventually apologised, but up until recently we agreed to be childless. I can't however switch off that I feel I am missing out because I was let down and if I were supported properly maybe next time I could get through.
Obviously I could go on in more detail about this, I will never fully get over it, especially as we had been trying for 10 months only for me to destroy everything.

Can anyone offer any support or advice , are we doing the right thing??

Footle Thu 19-Jan-17 16:08:05

You don't mention anything you may have done over the last few years to ease your anxiety - any talking therapy or drug therapy, for instance. If you have reason to think you're less anxious now, pregnancy might be quite a different experience next time.

eveteen Thu 19-Jan-17 16:12:01

This time you know what to expect and will possibly have developed strategies... hopefully you won't be as blindsided as you were last time . Good luck to you. I wish you all the best

AnxiousCarer Thu 19-Jan-17 17:27:33

I echo what Footle said. Look at getting your MH in the best place possible before ttc. Discuss with your GP and get the support in place first so you have some strategies you can use and back up if you start to struggle. Have you had any therapy since then to look at coping strategies?

AnxiousCarer Thu 19-Jan-17 17:29:08

Also have you changed GP?

Secondchance2891 Thu 19-Jan-17 19:42:46

Response to Footle: yes I have taken steps to aid my anxiety as I said ,this has been a problem since childhood for which I have had all types of counseling since my teens. After the termination, I ran a 10k run for mental health charity, plus completed my post-graduate degree. I also found once put back on my citalopram I was so much better and this maintains me in my professional and home life.

Anxious Carer: fortunately we moved 6 months ago into an area provided by a different CCG and NHS trust, which has a peri-natal mental health service whom I spoke with today. We are seeing the new GP on Tues to explain everything and I will be insisting on a care plan/safety net. I am also a prescriber myself, so have insight that it is ok to stay on citalopram this time, under supervision.

I think what I'm trying to say is, am I alone? I asked the last GP if this had ever happened to anyone before and she said " no, I'm the only one" which was extremely hurtful.

Footle Thu 19-Jan-17 20:03:19

I'm sure you aren't the only woman who's terminated a pregnancy because of acute anxiety ! That's just nonsensical - by definition , people terminate because they don't believe they will be able to cope with the changed situation, whether or not they live with anxiety at other times.

It sounds as if you're in a different headspace now, and you and your OH have better support.

Secondchance2891 Thu 19-Jan-17 21:14:20

Thanks Footle, I really hope so. There's always that fear but things have changed a lot in the last 4 years. Many thanks for your kind words.

AnxiousCarer Fri 20-Jan-17 17:52:10

secondchance I've heard of women aborting due to emetophobia (?spelling) due to fear of vomiting, so you are definately not the only one.

AnxiousCarer Fri 20-Jan-17 17:53:11

Alsl glad that you have a much better support network now, that bodes well for the future.

Secondchance2891 Fri 20-Jan-17 21:26:46

Yes that's true about the vomiting thing...... Only difference being that is a 'socially acceptable physiological reason' for which I'm sure woman get support. When it's a mental health problem, hardly anyone accepts abortion as a clinical reason. For this reason we had to lie to our families as we know for sure they never would have forgiven me.

Hubby and I have had a chat and plan to start ttc at end of year, for financial reasons mostly!

AnxiousCarer Sat 21-Jan-17 17:40:33

www.anxietyuk.org.uk/our-services/anxiety-information/anxiety-disorders/emetophobia/

Emetophobia is a MH condition see anxiety UK link.

Wishing you lots of luck for ttc later this year, DH and I will be stepping up the ttc this year too.

Surreyblah Sat 21-Jan-17 17:46:59

Your old GP was U to judge you - or any woman - for having a termination! For any reason!

I would say, however, that for some of us with MH issues having DC can bring MH challenges. Eg sleep deprivation, much less time for coping strategies, WoH and parenting. DC to worry about. Relationship issues. As well as bringing many, many good things of course!

Is your DP/H supportive? Will they do a fair share of domestic work and parenting, including nights?

Unless you have assets etc I wouldn't recommend being a SAHM if you're not married: too much financial risk.

UnbornMortificado Sat 21-Jan-17 17:55:50

@OhdocalmdownJoanna

Second I'm fortunate that my pregnancies have always been well managed. I've tagged a poster who may be in a better position to relate to the lack of support.

FWIW I was on citalopram throughout my pregnancy with DD1. She is 12 now and completely fine.

I'm sorry you went though that, I was shocked to hear lately how bad the MH support during pregnancy for some women flowers

OhdocalmdownJoanna Sat 21-Jan-17 18:16:37

I am so, so sorry that you were treated so badly by your last GP... and horrified, too. Whereas all doctors are allowed to hold a conscientious objection to abortion, they should acknowledge their position to patients, and should refer them straight to a pro-choice colleague. I'm guessing you're a doctor yourself (don't answer that!) and will have known that.

And even a brief search on here will reveal that you absolutely are not to the only woman ever to have terminated for MH reasons. Given that the actual '67 law cites "risk to mother's mental health" as a reason for allowing abortion, you never would have been. I'm guessing there must probably be case reports in the medical literature, too - though I am currently feeling a bit too fragile to look.

If my own current experience is anything to go by, though (almost 34 weeks and only finally got the help I needed) I think you are doing exactly the right thing to be pro-active and assertive and forward thinking now. I tried to seek help at 6 and 8 weeks and allowed myself to get fobbed off into resigning myself that I couldn't get anything and didn't need it... I tried again at 25 weeks and have spent the last nine weeks being shunting back and forth. If I had the time again, I would have fought to get the support I needed in place before even TTC.

Given the current state of NHS services, though, it is however possible that you may simply not be able to access the support you need - either because the relevant service has just been cut is no longer available, or else because the perinatal system in your area is based purely on firefighting and thereby only accessible to those suffering postpartum psychosis or harming their kids. From what others on here have experienced, sometimes going private is really the only option. If so, you might want to start saving now..

Flowerydems Sat 21-Jan-17 18:28:04

I've found perinatal mh care is a lot better now. I just had my dd this month and I had full support of a mental health team as soon as it became clear my depression and anxiety was going to get worse.

I actually suffered obsessive intrusive thoughts which caused me to rewrite my memories and forget what was fact and fiction with my first 5 years ago and had zero support.

Finally getting support for a 5 year ante and post natal mh disorder was amazing and I can't fault how much more goes into it now

Good luck

Secondchance2891 Sun 22-Jan-17 15:18:17

Thank you all for your encouraging words. Yes my husband is very supportive, he is my rock in fact. Sorry, struggling to understand a lot of people's abbreviations! We are both feeling really positive about it now, going to start trying at end of year as need to save first! We are both in good jobs and just bought house of our dreams. Need to save until I can afford to be on mat leave.

P.s. no not a doctor , am specialist nurse and prescriber wink

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