This might be long. Bear with me!
In the Summer our first DD was born and since then I can't stop worrying something bad will happen to her and I'll lose her. To give this some context, it took over 4 years, 4 surgeries, the loss of a tube, a miscarriage and a round of IVF to get her. My pregnancy was plagued with bleeds and a Subchoronic Haematoma. She was born 10 weeks early for no obvious reason other than my waters broke. She spent 6 weeks in the Neonatal Unit and other than prolonged jaundice, some bleeds in her eyes and initially struggling to gain weight, she did really well. I was starting to get better and a bit more of a handle on my anxiety. But then in December she caught a cold and ended up having her first trip ambulance and a 5 day stay on oxygen because of Bronchiolitis.
I spent my whole pregnancy worried about losing her and when she came early I felt like a huge failure. I was so angry at myself and the world.
I've realised I worry literally constantly about everything. If I take her out I worry she'll get ill again or get too hot or too cold. I worry about meningitis. I spent the whole of Tuesday worrying she'll choke (she's not even weaning yet). I worry about frostbite. I wake up and panic she's not breathing despite the fact she's absolutely fine and we have an angel care monitor. I'm driving myself (and my poor DH) mad and I worry I'll never properly enjoy this beautiful, miracle baby I've been lucky enough to get.
Any advice appreciated. I've had counselling and CBT a few times which helps temporarily but then it all comes back again full force.
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Mental health
Constant anxiety
10 replies
MTMFH · 19/01/2017 13:03
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