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Mental health

I aren't mentally equipped to deal with this

12 replies

kineticmagnetic · 17/01/2017 02:12

DP and I split a while ago, he saw me through 2 years of hell mentally where suicide attempts were pretty constant and a lot of other things happened.
I have been getting help and have been much better over the last 6-8 months.
I very recently found out he is now seeing someone else and I am spiralling downwards again and feel I have no control. I tried to kill myself last week and the thoughts are constant now. It is only my DD keeping me from trying again.
How do I not let this beat me? He's just an ex boyfriend, surely it shouldn't affect me like this?

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CockacidalManiac · 17/01/2017 02:44

Don't want to read and run. I have EUPD, and I wouldn't react well to this either. In fact, it's happened to me and I didn't. I'm not great with issues around rejection and abandonment; I'm far more aware of these issues than I was, but it doesn't stop those horrible thought processes when triggered.
You've had a setback, that doesn't mean you're back to square one. Be kind to yourself.

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CockacidalManiac · 17/01/2017 02:44

Are you still seeing someone about it?

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kineticmagnetic · 17/01/2017 07:36

Thank you, I am still getting help, I have BPD and so rejection is massive for me. I just can't shift the suicidal thoughts.

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Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 17/01/2017 07:53

BPD? = manic deprssive or
Bordeline personality disorder?

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kineticmagnetic · 17/01/2017 08:14

Borderline personality disorder

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CockacidalManiac · 17/01/2017 12:52

I suspected so. I prefer the term EUPD, but it's the same thing. It's such a similar reaction to the one I've had in the past. My suicidal thoughts will surface if I'm triggered by rejection/abandonment stuff; an ex finding a new partner will certainly do that, especially if I didn't instigate the breakup!
I know that BPD/EUPD emotions can be so overwhelming, it's like there's no protective skin there. Sometimes I think that the suucidal thoughts are a form of control or self-defence when the emotions are out of their boxes; it sometimes feels that it's the only control over myself that I have left when I'm very unwell. It's so hard to describe.
That's what you need to know. You're unwell at the moment; you didn't choose BPD, and you're doing the very best you can to manage this horrible condition. Personally, I have to wait for those feelings to subside themselves, it takes time though. Talk it through with whoever is helping you, whether it's a therapist or CPN.

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kineticmagnetic · 17/01/2017 15:08

I just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel at all, all I want is my best friend back.

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CockacidalManiac · 17/01/2017 16:39

I know. You could be me talking four years ago. I think the added problem with BOD/EUPD is that we're prone to forming complicated relationships. Our partners can potentially represent many different roles; lover, friend, even parent sometimes; all due to the way our brains are wired. It makes it so much harder when those relationships end. Exes getting another partner then trigger it all again.