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said everything to MH service and now a bit anxious(4 Posts)
Hi I" not sure whether I just did the right thing or messed up entirely.
Had an appointment with MH services, a second assessment. This time I went into more detail about things like mood, my family background, but also symptoms of things that may or may not be psychosis like intrusive thoughts of hurting my child, rage that just comes out of nowhere.
Now I'm getting worried that I said too much, I have visions of men in white coats turning up at my door soon now. Can anyone advise? They said they will pass me to a psychotherapist service next. Couldn't give any details about what that might mean, how often I might see them etc. I have to return to this services in a couple of months so doesn't sound like anything is going to happen very quickly. And I'm still a bit sceptical as help has been promised and never materialised from countless services in the past few years. What I'm most worried about is all this going on my record, I've read stories of people who admit they are experiencing psychosis then find social services get in touch the next time they are pregnant. Not that I'm intending to get pregnant again (not just yet anyway). Am I being silly? I just want to get help, someone to talk to and hope i've done the right thing not stored up a world of trouble for myself.
you're not being silly. it's a scary thing to make huge disclosures, especially when you don't have a pre existing relationship with the assessors or your local MH service.
rest assured that it is far more likely you will be shoved to the bottom of a very large pile than it is that the men in white coats will come round. social services would not be visiting you in years to come about this, they can't keep up with cases where there is a history of actual abuse (i'm not social worker bashing, they are mammothly under funded and under staffed).
what you have described sounds like 'intrusive thoughts'. these are a type of ocd - they just pop up in glorious detail and often invoke a full on physiological reaction to their content. they really can be incredibly disturbing, vivid and horrifying.
generally speaking we are highly unlikely to act out these thoughts and they do not mean we have an inner child murderer trying to escape.
but it is completely rational to feel as though you do when you have no idea wtf is going on in your brain!
you can understand why people might think god or demons are inside their brains if they have no access to other explanations cos history/society/education etc etc
with the right support and guidance (and sometimes medication) they can often be minimised and lived with more comfortably
cbt can be incredibly helpful as you can learn to get rid of them or quell their noise in a variety of ways. i sometimes use mental imagery of batting the thought away with a tennis raquet, or i might laugh and tell it to fuck off or set dragons on it lol. there are all sorts of techniques you can try, have a look at MIND's site or something similar for ideas and good quality links.
sometimes they are manifestations of other 'disorders' (i'm not keen on using the word illness or disorder with mh). i experienced them for decades on and off and the most horrifyingly realistic nightmares (probably linked neurologically) and i was diagnosed with bipolar, aspergers and dyspraxia a few years' back.
don't panic though as often it is a manifestation of chronic and acute stress
my paychiatrist said it is a very common thing and that it's quite interesting that our brains choose to torture us with our very worst fears.
without dwelling on the thoughts in detail maybe have a think about your emotional responses. do you feel scared, unable to control the thoughts, terrified thoughts will progress to action? what overwhelming emotion do they invokr?
what makes you feel like that in 'real life'? is there anything, however small, you can do about those things?
i found that just discovering what they were was very helpful as it removed their power and mystery.
my life used to feel very out of control and i just could not see any way of changing it or improving it. i used to be so scared all the time about money and rent and how was i going to provide for my children and a million other massive fears. and those times are when i get intrusive thoughts and extremely vivid nightmares.
be kind to yourself and rest assured that you are not a psycho in waiting. if you were then the thoughts would not worry and disturb you in the way they do 🙂
sorry for epic post lol
Are you under social services in any form? If your already known to them they might send a mental health SW round to see you. But depending on how your area works that might just happen anyway as they are part of one MH team.
You being taken away however is extremely unlikely
You have done the right thing telling them whats going on, how can they get you the right help without you telling them whats going on. You sound like you have good insight into whats going on. My experience with my husbands psychosis is that he doesnt have any insight into it when hes poorly, which seems to be very much a part of psychosis - you loose touch with reality, which it doesn't sound like what you are describing.
Also if its any reassurance we've talked to DHs MH team about us having kids in the future. They are fully supportive and say they work with lots of people who have kids. They have to inform the health visiting team if there is a child under 5 living in the home of someone under their care, but say unless there are safeguarding concerns no furthur action would be taken. They also said not to worry about having SS involvement as they are very supportive. Removing kids is a last resort, they would much rather support familys to stay together.
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