I really miss my mum today.

[Twinkie1]

I know it is going to sound really silly but I feel really alone at the moment - I don't have any contact with my father - due to him being an arse and being married to a complete witch - I haven't seen or spoken to my half brothers for at least 5 years as they have taken my fathers side and although life is good - I have a nice little job, a lovely DH and 2 adorable kids I keep wishing that I had my mum around - its not like she has only just passed away - it has been 31 years since she died - I just wish that she was here - things would have been so different - and its silly because I don't want them to be that different - I wouldn't have had DD if she were around because my life would have taken a different path and I most certainly wouldn't have had DS or have met DH - I just feel so alone.

I am sitting at my desk sobbing quietly reading posts asking if you would be cross with your mum and all I can think is that I would just love to be able to speak to her just once - I can't remember her at all and due to stepmonster don't have any contact with her family - who I am sure would not welcome me with open arms - god I feel so stupid and pathetic - compared to some people I have a wonderful life - sometimes it just seems that it has taken so much out of me to get here I feel like I have gone through so much and had to deal with so much alone without having my mum around to help.

Sorry I wish there was a self pity smiley - I could put them all on here then!!

[massagemum]

Just joined mn and have stumbled accross your message - by reading what you have written it makes me feel incredably grateful for having my mum still around.

Why can you not contact your mums family? how do you know that they would not be pleased to hear from you. It may make you feel so much better and if it doesn't work out at least you will know what has happened to everybody. What would your mum like you to do??

[Othersideofthechannel]

Hey Twinkie, so sorry you feel so down. Mourning never ends. And although there are millions out there with far more difficult lives than us, we still need to express ourselves when we are down. That's what mumsnet is here for! So no feeling pathetic about your feelings. It is quite normal to feel alone when surrounded by loving friends a family.

My mum died before the children were born and I miss her so much at the moment, wondering what advice she would give. I also have a stepmonster (great expression!) but fortunately am still in contact with my father. Went through a phase when he had to keep me secret like I was 'another woman'! Still, he was away working through my childhood so has few memories of the way mum dealt with childcare issues. Wish I could tell her how much I admire her bringing up the three of us when so much alone.

[Twinkie1]

Thanks - I don't even know where they live - my mum and her sister never got on - she has 2 daughters who have families but my father and his wife made things so difficult that we didn't see much of them - they blamed my father for my mothers death and now I realise they were right but how do I go back to them - not knowing where they live and just expect them to welcome us all with open arms??

I do have family a wonderful uncle who is like a father to me who gave me away at my wedding and made everyoe cry with his beautiful speech - and DHs family are lovely - just terribly straight and middle class and not all that given to being over emotional - I am sure if I went round there and burst into tears they would think me a complete mad woman!!

[massagemum]

There are ways of finding people if you really want to. How about searching over the internet. Do you know where they used to live?

Any old family friends that you could get in touch with? Anybody who you still know from the same area. Friends reunited?

Don't give up. It may be that they are waiting until you are ready to include you in their lives.

I know what you mean about unemotional in-laws. sometimes you just need somebody to cry with you!!

[Twinkie1]

I know their name and know the town where they live - sort of the address but not entirely sure - what woudl I do though - write them a letter or such like??

My cousins were nice and my uncle - I think my aunt always disliked my mother so that sort of transfered onto me and my sister - I don't have any contact with her either by that way - she lost a baby a couple of years ago (I don't say that lightly either - I was there with her through it and it was horrific, I ended up in counselling and completely messed up as was going through divorce and custody case at the same time) and decided she no longer wanted me in her life when I got pregnant with DS - she has also cut the rest of the nice side of my family off and as she needs IVF and needs a cash donor is back in the fold with the arse of a father!! (rich arse of a father)

[massagemum]

If you felt you caould write a letter that would be one way to start.

It sounds as though you all have been through some tough times. Like i say it may be what is best for you all to try to get back in touch - now that some time has passed, It does sound as though you have been close in the pass. thats not the sort of thing that people go through for just anybody.

[ash6605]

TWINKIE I KNOW THIS WAS A FEW DAYS AGO BUT I JUST HAD TO REPLY TO YOUR THREAD.
MY SITUATION IS SO SIMILAR TO YOURS,I LOST MY MAM TWO YEARS AGO,AGED 46.SINCE THEN MY DAD HAS JUST GONE COMPLETELY MAD,TURNED INTO AN ALCOHOLIC,THROWN MY 16 YEAR OLD SISTER OUT ON THE STREETS,MARRIED AN AWFUL WITCH OF A WOMAN(WITHIN WEEKS OF MEETING HER)DISOWNED HIS ENTIRE FAMILY,HIS BROTHERS,SISTERS MYSELF AND MY TWO LOVELY CHILDREN.HE TOLD US ALL THAT HE HAS NEVER LOVED US,ITS ONLY NOW THAT MY MAMS NOT HERE HE HAS TAKEN THE COURAGE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT,SOLD THE FAMILY HOME THAT I GREW UP IN AND EVICTED US FROM THE HOUSE WE WERE RENTING OFF HIM,AND HAD ME ARRESTED AND TOOK TO COURT AS I THREATENED THE NEW WIFE.MY POOR SISTER WHO WAS SO YOUNG TO LOSE HER MAM IS NOW A HEROIN ADDICT AND WILL NOT LET ME HELP HER.TO TOP ALL OF THIS OFF I LOST A BABY JUST BEFORE XMAS.I HAVE HAD NO TIME TO GRIEVE FOR MY MAM AND IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAVNT HAD EITHER-EVEN THOUGH YOU SAY IT WAS SEVERAL YEARS AGO I THINK SO MUCH HAS GONE ON FOR YOU IN THAT TIME.I FEEL SO ANGRY AND SAD AND I MISS MY MAM EVERY DAY,I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN WHEN YOU SAY YOU JUST BURST INTO TEARS,EVEN THE SMALLEST OF THINGS SET ME OFF!FROM MY EXPERIENCE, IVE FOUND IT EASIER NOT TO HAVE CONTACT WITH MY MAMS FAMILY.I CAN'T EXPLAIN WHY,MAYBE BECAUSE THEY WERE NO HELP TO ME OR MY SISTER WHEN WE REALLY NEEDED THEM BUT IF YOU FEEL YOU NEED THAT CONTACT,THAT REMINDER OF YOUR MAM,MAYBE YOU SHOULD TRY AND CONTACT THEM.