Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

Fed up with my life!

(18 Posts)
frustratedashell Sat 14-Jan-17 10:20:29

I'm not sure anyone can help me. I'm trying to help myself but im so fed up of battling everything. I have depression. Have done off and on for years. I'm on anti depressants and have had counselling. Started counselling again 2 weeks ago. I'm single, 56 years old and am struggling a bit financially. I have a nice little flat, housing association. I work as a self employed cleaner,which I do enjoy.(up to a point).
One of the benefits of doing the job is there's not really any stress. Stress can set off my depression. I have 2 grown up kids. One drives me a bit mad! The other is great.
I just feel like I want to be in a loving relationship but am aware that I probably come across as desperate! I know I need to love myself first and get myself sorted but it's so hard. I think I'm getting it together then something else happens. I'm not afraid to try new things but I'm not really sure what it is that I actually want. Also I'm so lonely. Not sure what I'm hoping for with posting this.thanks

Testificateman Sat 14-Jan-17 14:28:32

At 56 you are still quite young, get yourself on a dating website. Even if it takes a while to find someone, you can still chat on the internet to others and it might bring you out of your shell.
It's not like when we were younger and you had to go to pubs and clubs to try and find someone. You can do it from the comfort of your own home now.
Good luck.

frustratedashell Sat 14-Jan-17 14:56:49

I've been on a dating website for quite a while. Not working out well!

Testificateman Sat 14-Jan-17 15:44:05

Which site was it? If you don't mind me asking.

frustratedashell Sat 14-Jan-17 17:10:08

It was plenty of fish. But I think they are all pretty awful!
If you don't mind me saying, I think you're focusing on the wrong thing. I don't need bringing out of my shell,it's the depression. Plus that's the problem and my self esteem. Plus I don't think a relationship is a good thing right now, as I said in my op.

Clankboing Sat 14-Jan-17 17:24:50

You sound like you've thought things through - you are being careful, not overloading yourself by continuing a job that's right for you and not rushing into a relationship. If I were in your position (and obviously reject it if you like as I am not you lol) I would carefully start just one new thing as part of the weekly routine - and you may already do this of course! I think I would join a walking club or an art group or the Women's Institute or a book club or a college night course. But just one thing. No more. And if it doesn't work, try it for two more weeks before giving up. But I would try. Also are you happy with your medication?

frustratedashell Sat 14-Jan-17 17:38:55

Thanks Clang. I've tried that sort of thing. I even set up a group on my local Facebook page for people to meet up for a drink or meal. The initial reaction was good and the first meet was good. The second one only half the people turned up. The third one was going to be me and one other person. I cancelled that one because the person was hard work and I didn't want to be alone with her and have to be the one keeping the conversation going all evening. Haven't arranged any since then. That was just before Xmas. My medication ? Don't know if I need to change to a different one. But if I do, going by previous experience they take the dose down gradually then start you on a low dose on the new one. I can't face the repercussions on how my mood will worsen in that scenario. Sorry if I sound like I'm dismissing your advice. I just know what doesn't work for me.

Testificateman Sat 14-Jan-17 20:01:29

Sorry. Thought with you saying that you want a loving relationship and that you are so lonely, I was just trying to help.
Also, on the point of plenty of fish, that, so called dating site, is full of married men.

frustratedashell Sat 14-Jan-17 20:56:07

Test I know you were trying to help, thank you. But I also said I needed to get myself sorted out first. Easier said than done! Lol

Testificateman Sun 15-Jan-17 02:09:25

I know how you feel. If you need someone to talk to, I'm normally around.

languagelearner Sun 15-Jan-17 05:28:44

There's this site where people with depression (and other ailments) meet up and talk. You could go there and see if is of any value - to you that is. I find it was brave of you to set up that Facebook meetup, though. One reason that people dropped out in the last minute could simply be that you were approaching Christmas.

TENSHI Sun 15-Jan-17 05:42:33

You have shown a lot of initiative with the FB hookup, sorry that didn't work out but I think a common link between people in terms of interests would be better than just a general group, iyswim.

How fit are you? I have recently joined a gym, go to the classes, the sauna when I have done a little exercise and as it is at my own (slow) pace I have found some really nice regulars and found it quite uplifting.

If you get in the habit of heading for the gym or a swim as soon as you feel a wave of depression or loneliness hitting I can guarantee you will find other nice 50+ ladies and others there in the same position as you and having a good time.

Please try it. You might want to try all the different classes on offer before settling on ones that you like best. If you find it hard to stay motivated then ask for a personal trainer or ask on FB for a buddy to go with.

Good luck and report back!

frustratedashell Sun 15-Jan-17 08:41:20

Thanks for the replies. Last July I started a healthy lifestyle thing. I lost 1 stone 11lbs and was going to the gym. I felt so proud to have achieved this. I hit target in November. But I've not been to the gym much since then and the food aspect has gone off the rails too. I keep saying to myself I must get back to it all but I feel so low that it doesn't happen. It's a vicious circle isn't it? I know I would feel better but I just can't be arsed. That's depression for you!
I will look at that website, thanks

frustratedashell Sun 15-Jan-17 11:57:48

Anyone else have any words of wisdom? Struggling today

TENSHI Sun 15-Jan-17 14:25:17

Sorry to hear you are struggling. You talked about a vicious circle you're in, yes, so it's important to hoist yourself out of that cycle by whatever means.

Have you thought about volunteering? The National Trust/ scouts/local dogs' home etc are always looking for people to help on walks, activities etc.

Also, can you give yourself something to look forward to like a night away in a hostel? They are inexpensive and in beautiful parts of the country and are a good place to meet active single people.

Good luck op flowers

frustratedashell Sun 15-Jan-17 15:52:48

Thanks Tenshi . I've thought about volunteering but the times I'm available aren't ideal. I did volunteer on Xmas day to help out at a lunch for people on their own, mainly elderly. I enjoyed that. I've been looking at going away for a few days too. I've just arranged to have my friends dog come to stay next weekend, I love him to bits! Lol

TENSHI Sun 15-Jan-17 16:40:30

I was going to say something with animals as they have an amazing ability to brighten anyone's day grin

Great! Next, can you plan to go somewhere new with the dog? Look up some interesting walks/hikes, possibility look into finding a hiking club for instance?

We have a local woods near here and people are really chatty and friendy if you have a dog with you.

Plan lots of excursions with the dog and I guarantee you will meet a fabulous new circle of fun people (and dogs!)


frustratedashell Sun 15-Jan-17 22:49:55

Thanks that's a good idea. Will give it a try

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: