I just don't seem to want to socialise, even though I'm lonely. When I socialise, I feel lonely. This has been a pervasive theme all my life.
I've basically been living like a recluse for the past 18 months. I feel pretty crazy most days...because my partner only talks to me about food or the cats.
So I feel like I am in prison, serving an "isolation" sentence, whereby the only communication I receive is about the food that keeps me alive.
But I created this prison...
I think I have been hurt too much in the past, and so I can't seem to allow myself to be vulnerable with anyone at all (until now).
I love my little girl dearly, and I do my best for her but at the end of the day, her mother is sad 99.9% of the time. I'm dealing with some health problems at the moment, one being a severely low vitamin D deficiency which is obviously a result of me hardly ever going outside
I feel stuck inside my thoughts, hence the name. Anti depressants don't really work for me, you can't really medicate loneliness.
Have your tried taking your little one to toddler groups etc you might find there is other mums in your situation. I know what it's like to feel lonely all the time I'm often in a room full of people yet feel very alone! But I make myself continue and push myself over the wall else the wall gets bigger and bigger! You need to find something to focus on and work towards x
Yes I need to go out...and every morning I say to myself "a walk around the block then?" and then I end up doing nothing.
I'm also anaemic as well, which is a killer combination with the vitamin D deficiency. I'm only just starting to feel a bit better, but I am taking very large dosages of vitamin D each week which gave me awful symptoms to begin with - think deep burning pain in the bones. I could barely stand two weeks ago, I felt 98 years old.
Now I am up and about, and recovering, but still very apathetic about speaking to people in general. I just can't handle any more hurt or rejection from people, I just can't.
I do need therapy, but i have a poor track record for organising these sorts of things and sticking to the appointments. I tend to not look after myself full stop, and wish I wouldn't wake up most days.
My daughter is six, and my family live 2.5 hours away and have never been that supportive. I have zero friends. My partner isn't my daughters father.
I do actually have something in the pipeline this year, which is career related for me to focus on, I can't give specifics as it would out me unfortunately, but it's very people focused, so I feel like it's a dream and not something I am able to do as lets be honest here l am a hot mess in every way.
Hi inside, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate though. I don't go out as often as I 'should' either and I feel guilty that as a mum I'm pretty miserable most of the time. I try not to show it to dc, but it's incredibly hard sometimes. One of the worse things about my mental illness is the guilt I feel over the impact it is probably having on them.
Some days going out just seems like so much effort for very little gain, especially with 2 dc in tow (eldest starts school in September which fingers crossed should help).
Do you have some sort of routine? I go out regularly twice a week with the same person doing the same things, even if I don't fancy it. For some reason that tiny bit of structure in my life seems to help even if I find it stressful at times.
What medications have you tried? There are lots of different ones and sometimes finding the right one can make all the difference. I'm currently trying out sertraline which seems ok so far, but only time will tell.
anaemia is awful and affects how you feel and what you can accomplish on a daily basis. Make sure you boost your levels with supplements and good diet. When my dd is anaemic she is like a shadow of herself, stuck on the sofa.
Oh OP, I totally know how you feel. I've been where you have been and it's not nice is it? Now my sister is going through it and I'm trying to help her. I'd love to try to help you. Even just be some ears for you.
Have you tried just going in to the garden for 10 minutes each day, building up to 15,20 etc? It's better than not going out at all and will help you for when you feel ready to go outside the front
hey, I have written a post like yours. I have 3 dc's other than a ''hi'' to faces on the school run I haven't had an adult conversation all week, most weeks unless a friend calls. whats most upsetting is its my fault as I don't have the confidence to make friends and my MH don't help keep them even if I did, also I don't feel well enough.
I have no close family and both my good friends work and have busy lives so I don't see much of them. ive lived like it for so long the thought of having people in my house or having to entertain people, go out or mingle terrifies me and I feel drained just thinking about it. then I sit here crying cos im alone!
im around to talk if it helps, I have a DD she is 6 too. she so hyper and loud, loves to sing and dance around. talks forever..... xx
Sorry for the late reply...I've been in my old little world. thank you for the kind words...
Today I am just beyond sad, I struggle to see how I am going to make it.
I'm chronically lonely and I don't see how this is ever going to change, if I'm lonely with people and I'm lonely without people. I'm so trapped.
I am just physically sick with loneliness, it's actually killing me. I walk around the house in a daze, I've definitely gone mad I think. I stare into space for hours, cry a bit, then more staring, take my pills, go to sleep, eat, cry, more staring. That's my life.
I am trying to put on a brave face (and failing) for the daughter though as I am also guilty (another poster mentioned this) that she sees me miserable all the time.
I'm trying to muster up the courage, inclination, energy to pick up the phone and self refer for therapy.