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Shame/Humiliation

(7 Posts)
GiftsOnTheFireLogsOnTheTree Thu 12-Jan-17 14:23:35

I think I have a problem with strong feelings of shame and embarrassment/humiliation. I wonder if I'm not alone or if anyone can point me in the right direction of how to change?

For example today at the Drs she was checking over my DC and DC was quite upset so I was just quietly trying to reassure her with my voice. She turned to me and said 'I think it's best if I just crack on' I apologised and took a step back (and shut up!!) . All fine.

However the feeling of embarrassment was like a tangible wave over my body. I felt sick and wanted to burst into tears. I held back but knew that I'd cry as soon as I was in the car. I suddenly felt very stupid and ashamed that I'd been annoying enough for the Dr to have to pull me up on it.

I felt something like humiliation which I know is a complete overreaction but I don't know why I react this way. I can recall lots of other incidents where I've said or done something, another person has said something in response and I have felt this same intense feeling.

It really upsets me as I then become incredibly quiet because of the shame so today I had questions which I lost the confidence to ask. So I feel even more stupid for being so timid!

It's like I can't handle making mistakes/being judged/ being told off.

I'm raising daughters and I don't want them to be like me! How can I change?

FrizzBombDelight Thu 12-Jan-17 14:54:18

I'll be watching this thread with interest, I've felt exactly the same way on many occasions. "Incidents" from years ago still come back to haunt me sad

LittleIda Thu 12-Jan-17 15:03:59

Were you criticised/embarrassed a lot as a child? I was and i can identify with what you are saying. Actually the doctor probably didn't think you were doing anything at all wrong or inappropriate but was kind of OKing it with you to carry on regardless of how upset your dc was to get it over with. If they weren't dealing with it politely then that's them in the wrong not you. Probably doesn't help with the issue though. We probably need some sort of therapy to help us deal with low self worth. Not sure i can face it though!

GiftsOnTheFireLogsOnTheTree Thu 12-Jan-17 16:56:53

Thank you Littlelda I see what you mean totally and perhaps the Dr was just trying to reassure me that it was ok if she cried.

I had a lovely childhood but issues started with puberty so I had a strong sense of shame surrounding my physical body. Which I have mostly dealt with.

I also had an awful one off experience as a young adult in which I suffered quite a public humiliation (I was invited to a party and asked to leave shortly after I arrived, absolutely no fault of my own but obviously very hurtful.)

I'm definitely no stranger to embarrassing scenarios! It really hit me today how much my behaviour changes when I've been embarrassed. I think it really holds me back at work and in my social life. I retreat back so harshly into my shell.

NC1nightstand Thu 12-Jan-17 17:17:18

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I second everything LittleIda said, I think she is totally right.
Do you think it could be social anxiety? It sounds a lot like it but only a professional could really tell you. I imagine that although these incidents you mention are truly excruciating for you, others probably don't notice or give them little attention. The party thing obviously hurt you but you are carrying it with you and it is very much time to put it away. A book I love is 'You Can Change Your Life' by Louise Hay. Good luck! X

GiftsOnTheFireLogsOnTheTree Thu 12-Jan-17 17:43:21

Thank you I will take a look at your book recommendation NC1. It could be social anxiety I've never thought about it but it's a definite possibility.

moregingerbreadplease Thu 26-Jan-17 16:52:51

I get this too and can completely understand how you are feeling. flowers I have anxiety, and assumed this was part of that.

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