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Is this what normality is

(21 Posts)
AnxiousMunchkin Sun 08-Jan-17 00:10:31

I feel odd tonight, I've been down for a while, just plugging along feeling crap and not quite keeping up with life, this morning I thought I couldn't do today, but then I did, somehow I pulled it all off and stuck to the things I had planned, didn't let anyone down. Then I even challenged myself to do something I can't normally do. Stupid thing that most people wouldn't even think about. And I did it. And then I felt like I'd conquered the world. Now I know I'm tired, haven't slept well for days and been up since 6, but I have no desire to sleep. I'm dyeing my hair. It needed doing about 2 months ago but I haven't had the motivation or energy to. I cut about six inches off it too, with the kitchen scissors. I'm normally vehemently against cutting it. But I feel lighter and ten years younger. I'm thinking I might go and get my nose pierced tomorrow. Listening to music and hearing the lyrics mean things, they're relevant, like it's all meant to be. My house is a mess, and untidy, I don't think I'll be able to go to bed until it's sorted. I'd like to clean the fridge too. Plan a week of super healthy meals and stock up with kale and avocados and sweet potatoes and such. Maybe tomorrow I can paint the kitchen. I don't know if this is balanced, if the veil has lifted and this is how the world is supposed to be, or if I've skipped over the middle bit straight to the outer edge and this is hypomania. I feel like I've just woken up like I'm sleeping beauty and now I'm back in the real world. I don't know. Does it matter?

CondensedMilkSarnies Sun 08-Jan-17 00:17:15

I'm glad you managed to do the thing you find difficult and it's made you feel good but it does sound as if it's pushed you a little bit over the top . It's good to have a plan - clean the house , do a bit of painting etc , but it doesn't have to be all done at once .

If you feel tired you should go to bed and try to sleep. X

Patriciathestripper1 Sun 08-Jan-17 00:19:35

You have tired me out reading your post op!! smile But you have given me inspiration to tidy my house (but am going to do it tomorrow as need my bed now!)

UnbornMortificado Sun 08-Jan-17 00:22:55

I'm not HCP (just MH patient) but going from one extreme to the next can be mania. Obviously no one can internet diagnose that but it might be worth keeping an eye on.

Really not meaning to offend you, I have bi-polar myself and your post sounded familiar.

timelytess Sun 08-Jan-17 00:24:54

We call it 'over-running' and yours is pretty pronounced. I think you need to contact your crisis psych team.

FusionChefGeoff Sun 08-Jan-17 00:46:05

I'm technically normal I suppose and, no, that doesn't sound right to me I'm afraid. You sound very hyped up and disjointed. Plus not sleeping and then not even feeling tired isn't normal either.

I think it might be worth a GP appointment to talk about how you are feeling as my understanding is that highs are generally followed by pretty severe lows s it would be good if you could interrupt the cycle somehow before you get that far.

Try to get some rest even if you don't sleep.

Broken11Girl Sun 08-Jan-17 00:50:42

Yup, that sounds like hypomania.

AnxiousMunchkin Sun 08-Jan-17 01:38:56

Ok. Thank you grin I did wonder. I guess that's why I posted.

I have a GP appt next week. To discuss how things are going and referral, again. I guess I should accept the referral, I've been declining it for a long time now. Anxiety and obsessive/intrusive thoughts/compulsions are so much better than they were though. But moods still all over the place. It would be nice if it was like this all the time grin my house is now neat, if not perfectly clean it looks less like it warrants a visit from a misery porn tv show. My hair looks amazing and my eyebrows are done I know I look a million times better than I have done lately I've been the bag lady. Laundry is on. Downstairs is hoovered. My poor dog is knackered though she's been following me from room to room and trying to sleep and then I move on and she has to follow. Anyway I know I should look after myself. I've got into bed now in my nice tidy room. I put classic fm on because it's calm and the music playing when I switched on has a strong memory for me, connectedness again I know really it's a coincidence but so many coinicidences happen, perhaps there is something deeper. Tomorrow isn't promised, I'm glad I feel connected and free now.

I'm going to use the mindfulness app and try to sleep. Dog is already snoring next to me.

UnbornMortificado Sun 08-Jan-17 01:40:48

Oh pet you do sound quite bad flowers

UnbornMortificado Sun 08-Jan-17 01:43:53

Posted too soon sorry.

Have you ever had an episode before? It might be worth reading up on so you know the warning signs.

It does suck but there is help for it.

AnxiousMunchkin Thu 12-Jan-17 16:37:49

Ok. I think I was clearly a bit over the top the other day.

I just wanted to update. I did it, I saw the GP today and agreed to secondary referral. I honestly can't remember what I was rambling on about to her but we agreed to go for referral. She wants me to go back to IAPT CBT in the meantime too. I can stay on my antidepressants.

Still feeling pretty up on things. I snapped at my partner for being slow the other morning and he said maybe the world isnt slow, maybe I'm going faster than usual. I think I'm keeping perspective though.

NightTerrier Thu 12-Jan-17 21:55:48

It does sound like hypomania. Have you got anything like zopliclone that you can take to help you sleep? I sometimes find that if I can start getting my sleep sorted early on with a short course of zopiclone then I can nip an episode in he bud. Of course, sometimes hypomania and mania can feel great. I'm glad you've got a GP appointment.

Do you think you could get a telephone appointment with your GP to ask about any meds to tide you over? I know everyone is different and what works for me might not work for you, but hypomania can escalate into mania and then it gets messy.

AnxiousMunchkin Thu 12-Jan-17 23:22:10

I don't think I've ever had a full blown mania. There's definitely been extended periods of hypomania though. I had a blast at the time though smile

I had a really bad reaction to zopiclone once - woke up hallucinating/delusional, I believed that I was dead, and was sending messages asking people to call me to check if I was dead or not.

I saw the GP today, am being referred to secondary care and she wants me to go back to IAPT. I haven't been sleeping properly, tonight have started melatonin which has helped me before (bought in USA). Use sominex sometimes as well but that can leave me slightly slow in the morning and I can't do that tomorrow.

Still feeling amazing. And confused!

NightTerrier Thu 12-Jan-17 23:44:06

Yeah, sometimes zopiclone can get a bit weird. I had it once and it turned me into a sex pest and I frightened my husband. I wouldn't leave him alone and kept groping him and telling him that he was a 'fruity number'. blush I don't remember it at all. Luckily it's been OK apart from that. Sometimes I've had lorazepam and valium when I've been high and it's calmed me down.

I hope you can get a good night's sleep tonight. I think my mood is starting to go up. I've been sleeping badly, but the last couple of days I've feelt perkier than I have done for ages and feeling a spiritual connection to things. On one hand I feel good, but I'm also finding that people are irritating, because I'm having to make an effort to not talk at them instaed of too them. When end up with full blown mania I usually end up paranoid after a while and start getting delusions about government experiments and societal collapse and it's tin foil hat time. blush

I'm under the care of my CMHT team and on one hand my last manic episode ended up being awful, but on the other hand that period of time when you're going up can be awesome and the last year and a half has been stressful and shit and I've felt so drained and I feel like I've got my mojo back and don't want anyone to intervene. I hate having to go on antipsychotics too.

NightTerrier Thu 12-Jan-17 23:45:35

Sorry for all the typos.

AnxiousMunchkin Sun 15-Jan-17 06:24:34

What do you do when you're hypomanic?

I know what to do with depressive thoughts, obsessive or intrusive thoughts, anxiety. I've learned all the CBT techniques. What to do with this though?

Had under 4 hours sleep yesterday, in 2 bursts. Was fine all day, felt my normal self. House is clean as a whistle and I cooked lots of healthy stuff from scratch, and painted tester patches on the kitchen walls. Went to to the cinema, came home and had a bath. I spent the evening drinking wine and dancing around the house singing like I was in a karaoke bar. Fell asleep with DP when he got home late, but a few hours later we woke up and had ferocious sex grin and I've been wide awake since. Drawing out tattoo designs, emailing to book various appointments and things, meal planning and such. Have to be quiet not to wake DP otherwise I think I'd hoover and clean more, I'm itching to clear out the spare room too. At least my colouring pencils are in beautiful rainbow order now.

None of it feels detrimental or self destructive just like I'm on top of everything and winning. Don't think I'm losing touch. I did get snappy with DP on the phone earlier though, I think I am very easily irritated at the moment which is unlike me. He says I'm a bit more unpredictable than usual. I gave the middle finger to someone when I was driving the other day which I never do.

If you recognise a hypomanic phase are you supposed to do anything?

Honaluuhuu Sun 15-Jan-17 06:33:29

Well done for doing something you daren't normally do. Small victories will help you to feel that you are gaining back some normality, and you are, but don't be discouraged if you wake up tomorrow or another day this week and don't feel good again. It's normal to have ups and downs but keep daring and being proud of yourself and you'll get there

NightTerrier Sun 15-Jan-17 08:22:05

Hi AnxiousMunchkin. How are you feeling today? When you you get to see someone about the hypomania?

Once you've been diagnosed I think you are supposed to do something about being hypomanic. That's what they told me. The strategy I have is to contact someone and get meds to get me to sleep. It's a bummer, because being hypomanic is really nice. Like you said, lots of housework, good sex and generally feeling on top of the world. The problem is that there's a danger that it can go too far and that people end up doing things that are out of character like getting into debt, having affairs etc (I spent all of my savings last time I was manic). Or, it could progress to full blown craziness. I know that in the past I've started off cheerfully hypomanic and it's actually been really productive, but as time went on I got increasingly irritable and then got very paranoid and psychotic.

You sound just like me when I'm hypomanic. grin I was getting hypomanic towards the end of last week and talked to my CPN on Friday and told him I was feeling 'frickin awesome' after having no sleep the night before. blush He wrote a prescription of temzepam which has knocked me out the last couple of nights. Now, that beats zopiclone hands down. However, I like feeling like this and it's quite tempting to not take it, but I don't want to end up how I was last time.

AnxiousMunchkin Sun 15-Jan-17 10:19:34

I feel absolutely fab. Like I have complete clarity and could do anything. Never got back to sleep, so when 7.30 hit (normal wake up time) I did my headspace meditation, had a cup of herbal tea, did some bullet journal stuff, did a yoga video. More life planning/organising etc. DP has had more than 9 hours sleep, I've had 2ish and I'm the one bouncing around making pancakes whilst he grumpily yawns at me. We'd planned a lazy day together, walking the dog, playing games and going out for dinner/movie later. I really fancy going to buy paint and starting on the kitchen, but I suspect he'll say no, and I can't do it without him as can't move the fridge alone.

I have an appointment with a psychiatric nurse at the assessment/triage service in 2 weeks time. I think it was supposed to be a consultant but they couldn't offer me a consultant appointment I could make and they want to see me asap. No idea what to expect, did start another thread asking about that but noones seen it I think.

AnxiousMunchkin Sun 15-Jan-17 10:25:37

blush just noticed that my Fitbit has logged dancing around the house last night as 45 minutes of cardio exercise and identified it as outdoor bike!

NightTerrier Sun 15-Jan-17 11:50:46

I know what you mean about the feeling of clarity. I've been like that too for the last few days. I got up at 1:00am yesterday despite th temazepam, did housework and a couple of Jillian Michaels DVDs and went for a long walk with DH.

I had to laugh when you mentioned how you fancy going to buy some paint, because I'm the same right now. grin I always start decorating when I'm hypomanic.

Can I suggest that you could get DP to look after your credit card and debit card until you've calmed down?

Also, ask him if he can call the doctor immediately if you start getting worse!

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