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My daughter turns one next month and i'm feeling really low with PND

(10 Posts)
Lucy81 Wed 21-Feb-07 15:32:46

I've been attending a self help group for mums with PND and their babies for the past 4 months and I thought i'd been slowly starting to feel better and less isolated, meeting other mums in the same position. The group ends this week and as my daughter turns one next month I thought I would take the opportunity to invite two of the mums and babies to a small birthday for her. Well neither of them can make it, and I was only going to invite two other babies, as I don't know many people. I was also going to invite some close family members but now i'm just feeling so low and dispirited about the whole thing, i'm wondering if I should just cancel it.
I'm so annoyed because I got the impression they were both just making excuses and the party was only going to last an hour, its not like it's going to take up their whole weekend! She's only going to turn 1 once and I so wanted her to have other babies there. I know its a bit silly to feel this way as its not like kids play together at this age but still... I thought we were becoming friends and now i realise I was kidding myself.
During this PND self help group we've been told over and over again by the psychotherapist who runs the group that we need to be there for each other and exchange phone numbers and meet up once the group ends as we were all feeling pretty isolated in the beginning. What i don't understand is, given this fact, why they don't both want to make more of an effort, esp as it's a baby's first birthday. i know i could try and reschedule so that they can make it but i just felt like whatever date I try and change it to they'll probably make some excuse or other. All that guff about positive thinking i've had to listen to over the past few weeks is starting to look pretty pointless. as for the other two babies i was going to invite, well one of their mums has pretty much ditched me, and i don't know why, it was one of those 'yeah i'll email you' situations. and the other one, well it would be pretty pointless just having one other baby there. I know i sound really self centred and horrible, i don't think i am really but i just don't want my daughter to end up lonely and friendless like me, i want things to be different for her, but if people just don't like us, maybe i should just stop trying.

bobsyouruncle Wed 21-Feb-07 15:49:46

Not trying to make excuses for them, but its possible their own PND makes it hard for them to go along to any social situations. It may be more to do with how they're feeling rather than you, so try not to take it too personally.

amelia02 Wed 21-Feb-07 15:51:13

Sorry you've been having such an awful time. And of course your not self centred - you're thinking of your little girl but she'll be delighted with whatever you do on her birthday!! Once you're feeling up to it you may find an ordinairy toddler group more friendly - it must be difficult to be supportive of someone if you are feeling rotten yourself even if you can empathise. Where do you live? Someone on MN may be able to recommend a friendly group? IT's so hard having no family near isn't it? I have dc and dh away all week and family no where nearby and it can get overwhelming!! Hope some nice messages will make you feel better.

amelia02 Wed 21-Feb-07 15:52:08

Oops . missed out number. Meant 3 children here and dh away!!

amelia02 Wed 21-Feb-07 15:53:29

God - awful grammar too. Meant you're not your. Must check posts.

Lucy81 Wed 21-Feb-07 15:59:16

thanks, I know they're down too, and that's why i didn't want to push it when they said they were busy. I'm in east london, E11. It is hard trying to cope sometimes, I just seem to be able to make aquaintances which last a short time and then I'm on my own again. My dp is around a bit more than most as he's a teacher, but he can only empathise so much.

dippymare Wed 21-Feb-07 16:05:43

You poor thing, I do have an idea what you're going thru becos I moved house and had PND after d2 and it is no picnic. But stick in there and the sun WILL come out again. Remember that if you've got PND you're going to interpret turned down invites as "nobody likes me and I'm horrible" because that's what depression does but its simply not true. Millions of mums feel isolated and its no reflection on them.


Lucy81 Wed 21-Feb-07 16:21:23

Thanks, its true i think i do interpret things in a biased way because of how i'm feeling, but it's just a bit ironic that this group has been all about how we can help each other through the bad times and cognitive techniques for learning to tell when we're misinterpreting things and i don't think any of it's worked! How did you overcome your PND in the end? Do you ever feel like it might relapse?

dippymare Wed 21-Feb-07 17:02:15

Cognitive whatsit and prozac did the trick for me. I do worry that I'll relapse but I think its best to ask your nearest and dearest to let you know if you're nosediving again rather than worry yourself. You've taken the most important step of going for help, so give yourself some credit, its not an easy thing to do and it takes strength. xxxxxxx

PuffyEyes Wed 21-Feb-07 17:40:26

Poor you, Lucy. You're being terribly hard on yourself

When you're depressed it's seems natural to take everything in the worst possible way and things that you'd normally shake off seem so much more important.

I'm sure they haven't ducked out of your DD's birthday because they don't like you. They could be being honest about being busy, or they might just not feel up to it because of their own depression.

I'm really sorry you're feeling so low. (((Hugs)))

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