Hi all.
Little background first..
- I was put at risk of redundancy last year which set what my partner calls my "money OCD" into overdrive. I wasn't sleeping right and spent weeks pouring over budgets even though deep down I knew we'd be OK.
- I managed to get redeployed in the company after a successful interview. The job seemed OK at a glance and I jumped into to get rid of the impending doom feeling id had since getting the redundancy notice.
- The training on the new job was meant to be 6 weeks which ran alongside the training time. The training overran but I had to decided to keep the role or not, as my old role was already removed by that point I took the new role. Fast forward another 4 months and I'm still not fully trained and can not do the job or support the team I am in. I've built up such a resentment to the role (I'm the only one who hasn't had the full training yet) and I am feeling completely useless and I've got myself convinced that I can not do the role anymore. I wish I had refused the job after trail and taken the redundancy payment but I can't now. If I leave now I get nothing.
- I have underlying health issues which have flared up and are scaring the crap out of me but I am petrified that people think I am over reacting. I keep hearing comments of 'dont worry" and "you'll be fine" or my favorite... "you've had similar before" I am currently awaiting referral which will mean a weekly visit to the hospital for approximately 3 months and then a monthly visit for 6 months after. The treatment is very personal whereby they shove a tube up your lady parts to your bladder. It is uncomfortable and awkward ... even thinking about it sends me off on a tizz!
I think I could handle each point on its own but combined I am just not coping. My partner and I have recently started TTC too and I'm thinking I am going to have to put it off until my head is straight.
I have been on 2.5 week annual leave and slowly in that time my mood swings have reduced, my headaches have cleared, the pain in my shoulder blade has gone but I've started (in the last week) to get heart flutters, moments of complete unreasonable panic, my heart randomly races and I break out in sweats. ongoing I still have a problem locking onto negatives and going over and over it in my head... I can never see positives. My head is complete doom and I am constantly on edge for what might happen.
I thinking, as stupid as it sounds, it's all a bit much for me. I am hoping to see a doctor tomorrow as I think I may have some anxiety about my health and strss about my work... I'd really like their support as I just can't keep being like this. l feel like life is passing me by and I'm constantly thinking I'm going to die soon / have something happen.
My question is (sorry about the rant) how do I approach the topic with my GP? Like is "help, I'm not coping" something you can say...
Im worried they will think I'm being over dramatic. Like seriously worried. Like getting myself in a state over it, whenever I think of GPs or work I lose my breath and my heart beats rapid.
Does anyone have similar symptoms? Is it stress? anxious?
Someone help/put my mind at rest.
