I'm depressed, aren't I?

[Facefactsnow]

Hi,

Obvious name change for this... I can't admit this and other posts make me recognisable.

I think I have to admit that I am depressed and take the tablets I've been prescribed... but I just don't seem to be able to accept it.

I have one child who has been poorly since birth, many hospital visits, operation, resuscitation etc... when I returned to work I cut down my working days but increased hours to work the same amount. I find the whole NHS pathway stuff difficult to navigate and frustrating.

Before Christmas I was told what I had suspected all along, that my eldest DC needs assessing for Aspergers, all the hope I had for him outgrowing things has now gone.

I felt like I was drowning and cried for the best part of a week. I feel exhausted.

Then I had an argument with my DH... and I feel like it broke me, I couldn't speak, I felt like if I spoke I wouldn't be able to stop sobbing and would never recover. I needed to for the DC.

My last day at work before Christmas I felt too unwell to be there...I made it through the day by not talking to anyone.
I saw the GP who prescribed me ADS but they made me feel sick and vacant. I stopped them.

Over Christmas I begin to feel a bit better (I wasn't sobbing, I slept more, I wasn't exhausted & my mood was more even). At my follow up with the GP she changed tablets for me but I haven't taken them yet. I'm scared of admitting I have gone "wrong"

but then... last night I couldn't sleep again, I feel sick and close to tears... today was first hospital appointment of the year, tomorrow school starts and next week it's work. it all feels too much.

I'm due on my period and since DC2 my mood is worse around this time.

Am I depressed, do I need the tablets...
I'm scared to take them
I'm scared I'll break if I don't...

I don't know what I want from this thread... maybe some light?

thank you

[PandaPop55]

Oh Face, sounds like you have a lot going on and that you are finding it tough. I cant tell you the answer, but would suggest that if you have been prescribed medication then the doctor feels they would be of benefit to you. I know he feeling of being scared to take them but scared of not taking them too. Its difficult.

Whatever you decide, try not to be too hard on yourself. It is not easy and you are doing your best.

[onedaymoor]

It does sound like depression, yes. I understand the struggle with not wanting to take ADs. I have just started taking them again after being off since the summer and tbh it does feel a bit like I've failed. But.... if a friend said she had become very ill and had been prescribed medication that could help, what would you say to her? I know from past experience that the ADs really can help and make everything seem easier. It may be worth giving them another try, but at the end of the day it is ypur decision.

[fallenempires]

Face that sounds exhausting from reading your OP you have so much on your plate and that's before you even have to deal with the day to day stuff.
As scary as it may seem please give the AD's a try they are not there to solve your problems but will give you some sense of ease in your mind iyswim.They are also helpful in easing the rage of PMT.
Is your DH aware of your illness and generally supportive to you.I ask this as it's also hard on loved ones.

[Facefactsnow]

thank you all... I think I just need to be told that it isn't a choice to take them. that I will feel better.

my DH does know... he's worried.

[laurzj82]

If you had a physical condition and the gp prescribed you medication you'd probably take it wouldn't you? It sounds like you've had a lot going on. Ads are not a miracle cure but will give you a bit of breathing space to get your head around things and work out how to feel better long term. I sympathise as side effects can be rough at first. Hope things are better for you soon

[fallenempires]

He's bound to be worried and feeling powerless which is a desperately sad situation to be in.I have experience of MH from both sides of a relationship.
How does he feel about you taking the AD's?

[Facefactsnow]

I understand about the physical condition and taking tablets... I just can't reconcile that this is what feels like the end of the line for me coping. my DC are wonderful and I'm so lucky compared to many and certainly some of the parents we meet on hospital visits.... so it seems pathetic I can't cope.

DH just wants me to get back to normal. he was supportive of me stopping them when I felt bad. he's also felt I've been better over Xmas, I need to talk to him about now and how I feel and the new tablets (he did ask of the side effects were as bad)... I have time though as can't collect a prescription until Thurs anyway. I need to talk to him then don't I?

thank you so much

[fallenempires]

What were you taking and what have you been prescribed now? Support is available here and many will talk quite openly about their experiences with the AD's that they were prescribed.
And yes talking to him is vital he possibly is afraid to ask you many questions & you're probably worried about discussing the grim reality of it from your pov.

[Facefactsnow]

@fallenempires I had citalopram first and now have a prescription for one beginning with S, I can't remember the name. I can check in the morning.