Depression, one day at a time- anyone else?

[onedaymoor]

I have posted elsewhere, but namechanged as I was feeling that I had posted too much identifying info under my last name. I've seen a lot of threads recently about people struggling with depression/anxiety, seems as though this time of year feels particularly brutal for some. I wondered if anyone was up for a support/handholding thread?

I've been off ADs since the summer, but I have known I've been slipping down again for a while. Christmas was great, but since then I've completely crashed and am probably at about the worst I've been. I have no motivation or desire to get better but I know I need to try for my kids' sake. Had a long chat with DH today and told him how I feel and agreed to take it one day at a time. I have a month's supply of sertraline from last time, so will start back on that and I have also made a GP appointment, though not sure that they can be much help. Right now I'm just trying to distract myself from the negative thoughts and get through bit by bit.

[Haggisfish]

I've finally reached the point where indeed to take medication for my anxiety. On day three of duloxetine. Feeling ok but not sure about work. The tablets have wiped me out actually!

[Degustibusnonestdisputandem]

I hear you. I can't seem to shake the depression I've suffered for what seems like forever. Doesn't help that "D" twat H simply tells me to pull myself together...

[Lilyloo456]

I feel your pain. I was med free for over a year and about two months ago the familiar nervy butterfly feeling came back :( so I went back to the doctors and was put back on my antidepressants. Felt like a failure but I have to do it. It's early days yet but I'm also tackling low self esteem and confidence which unfortunately haunts me and I have no idea how to get better from that. I still take one day at a time. Think that's all you can do. Hugs xx

[RandomMess]

I have spent most (all?) of my life with anxiety and depression and it's getting worse for various reasons.

Finally got off duloxetine in the summer (never again it was awful to do and didn't actually help my depression), don't feel like therapy is really helping and am at a loss at how I will ever feel joy in my life.

Though I am not suicidal I wish I didn't exist and I'm just so so so tired of the relentlessness of depression.

[onedaymoor]

Wow, there's alot of us feeling this way.

Though I am not suicidal I wish I didn't exist and I'm just so so so tired of the relentlessness of depression.

Yes, this is it exactly. I wish there was a button I could press and it would just wipe me out of existence so that no one would miss me and all my many mistakes would be undone.

[RandomMess]

Oh and the guilt, guilt that I have a life that many others would probably like yet I can't enjoy it.

[nixnjj]

Can I join. Struggling to string a sentence together but suicidal last night. Thankfully single mum so couldn't act on feelings.

[peppatax]

Thought I was doing okay but just crumbled in tears just now by being overwhelmed by sadness and darkness. Can't take ADs as pregnant. I hate it, it does sometimes go as quickly as it comes but I just can't stop it.

[onedaymoor]

How are you feeling today nixnjj? Has it been any easier?

peppatax that is hard not being able to take ADs. I've really fought against them and HATE feeling dependent on them, but at least I know the option is there.

[nixnjj]

Still struggling but clinging on to the thought that my lad goes back to school on Wednesday so hopefully things will become easier. Will also ask if my dr can do a telephone appointment as I struggle to leave the house and have run out of ADs

[onedaymoor]

How's everyone today?

I had a bad night after taking my first sertraline tablet. Not looking forward to the next few days at all but I know I should try to persevere.

[nixnjj]

Struggling again today, I can get away with it by telling my lad we are having a couple of lazy days before he goes back to school. I'm telling myself it's ok as reality starts again on Wednesday.
I've emailed a person I know who is active in a local church and is in a position to help with a couple of issues. I also have a friend who offered to help with getting my house organised. She has suffered depression and grew up with a bi polar mum, so I know her offer comes from a good place. I will Facebook message her for help soon. I'm also going to try making notes of the small stuff I do manage. It's just so strange as I'm so different from the person I was but I need to accept that person is gone and try and become a person I can like.

[puddingisgood]

Hoping it's ok to join. I'm a right misery! Christmas only been ok, but now faced with going back to work tomorrow, the rose-tinted glasses are on and I don't want the holiday to end. It's all too much. I hate my job, I'm a single parent, precious little social life (or energy to get one), been depressed and on AD's for years. Tired.

[onedaymoor]

nixnjj It sounds like you're taking some steps forward, making plans. Well done for sending that email, it's so hard to ask for help isn't it? . Lazy days with your son sound great. I'll be doing the same with my DDs as DH is back at work tomorrow after a long break.

Welcome pudding. Sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I hope tomorrow isn't too hard for you, I often absolutely dread going back after a break but then it's not as back as I expect.

[nixnjj]

Thanks am going to use this thread to try and keep on track, so please nag when needed.

Pudding big hugs it's so hard being a single parent. Do you get much support.

[onedaymoor]

Morning. I hope everyone is doing ok today. I'm feeling a bit better and have booked an appointment to see a counse later this week so will see how that goes.

[nixnjj]

Hi, good move on arranging to see someone. I'm feeling really sick, shaky and scared today. Just trying to ride it out.

[PandaPop55]

Hi Everyone, think I would like to join if thats okay? Am finding things tough just now although I am definately not as bad as I have been in the past. I am tryin to get myself through each day for the rest of the holidays as being back at work is usually helpful for me. I am trying to get through this crash without increasing or changing meds, something I have never managed in the past. I feel it is important to try and ride it out and see what will happen, although not sure how to go on from there either way.

Sounds positive and supportive on hear.

[primitivemom]

Hope it's ok for me to join? Long term depression here, not been great for a while but Christmas was nice. Feeling the crash coming on after Christmas, then my aunt died on New Year's Eve, am devastated and can't see a way out

[onedaymoor]

Sorry to hear about your aunt primitivemom, do you have plenty of support?

[nixnjj]

Hi Pandapop and Primitive um, sorry for your loss. Pandapop it's good that you are aware, is it worth having a chat with gp. I'm still feeling bad, not done anything about back to school prep. Thankfully I did uniform before Xmas and pe doesn't happen to end of week. I know if I get it done I'll feel better but just freaking out.

[primitivemom]

Thanks one day, yes my dh is very supportive. Just need to haul myself back up

[Lovemusic33]

I'm taking one day at a time too, some days I have to take an hour at a time because I don't want to be here tomorrow.
I have been on anti depressants for almost a month, tomorrow I go back to my GP to see how I'm doing, a few days ago I was suicidal, was referred as urgent to the mental health team and had to phone crisis team several times. Things have been up and down since then, the mornings are hard and as they day goes on I start to feel a little better and I try and make plans for the next day. At the moment I can't see things being much better in a months time or 6 months time even though everyone keeps telling me 'You will feel better in a week or 2'.

I try to keep busy to occupy my mind but then a part of me is telling me not to do anything, not to go out, not to socialise then nothing bad can happen.

I made plans today for a friend to come over and now they keep messaging me saying they are going to be late ( it's getting later and later ), it feels like people don't want to be around me, my family phone me and say 'they are rooting for me' but they don't come over to help me, I feel very lonely.

I feel like the anti depressants I am on are not working, though I know taking a pill isn't going to remove my problems, a pill can't fix what has happened, they help me sleep but I still feel pretty rough and down all day, I look forward to taking pills to make me sleep so I can shut off.

[DeleteOrDecay]

Hello I hope it's okay if I join. Been looking for a thread like this. I haven't been diagnosed but i know I have been unwell with depression and possibly anxiety for a few years, possibly for most of my life even. Although I have been in denial managed, it has gradually got worse over the past few months and I have realised that I can't carry on like this. I won't bore you all with details but it's been a hard couple of years and clearly it's caught up with me.

I am hoping to make a doctors appointment for Friday afternoon, when dp came come with me for support and mil can have the dc for the afternoon. I am really scared, I have no idea what to tell the doctor. I am going to write some stuff down briefly but I find it so hard to talk. I have buried this down inside me for so long and I'm worried I won't be believed I know I need help though both for my sake and for my dc, and of course dp. Im miserable most of the time, I feel like I'm letting everyone down and making other people's lives miserable. I think meds would really help me, not sure about therapy/counselling. I just want to get better so I can be better for my family. Sorry for rambling on.

[PandaPop55]

Hi Delete,

Well done for making an appointment. It is a good idea to write things down and to take someone with you for support. Just be honest with the GP, they are there to help you and see lots of people going through similar things every week.