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Undermined and overwhelmed

(7 Posts)
monkeysee100 Sun 01-Jan-17 11:47:18

I have been in my current workplace for some time and it's not always been plain sailing but mostly ok.

I'm involved a large scale project intended to develop, change and improve many levels of practice but when I try to come back with messages they aren't valued and any suggestions are treated with absolute derision. I am expected to contribute to this project so I feel useless in work and at meetings. Much of it involves research which is encouraged by new standards for the profession and by experts but which is treated with derision. Other organisations are innovating and working together. I feel I am totally isolated. Other staff feel similar but there is such a strong hierarchy it cannot be challenged. I've been receiving emails first thing in the morning (with, ironically, other research) undermining the project I am part of.

Another bone of contention is an outside commercial advisory company. I have to deal with an ex associate and an organisation I have serious issues with morally (their making money from the research of others, making huge amounts of money from a struggling public sector, their making minute changes to systems and charging the earth to update). I am often undermined in front of this person.

I've just a bereavement in the family and feel I can't ask for the funeral off, I have appointments for my child who has a serious, progressive incurable illness that I feel I shouldn't ask attend.

My work life balance is completely shot. I live with family members I support in a significant way financially who are often awkward. Even my pets I look at with just an overwhelming sense of annoyance at their level of need rather than care and enjoyment.

I realise this could all be down to my perception rather than the fault of others. I have just had an awful year, a termination at the beginning and miscarriage at the end. I also feel that if I were to be diagnosed with some sort of depression it would not be private and would be treated as a weakness and deficiency on my part.

PandaPop55 Sun 01-Jan-17 12:45:25

Hey Monkey, sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, it must be tough. I am not sure I can offer much advise but wanted to reply to ur post. You sound very strong and have coped with a lot, it would not be a weakness if your mh is stuggling a little under all of that. A visit to ur GP to discuss how you are might be a good starting point.

Wineloffa Sun 01-Jan-17 13:01:18

Hi Monkey, I work in a similar type of environment- layers of strict hierarchy above me and I feel totally unsupported and undervalued. Nobody pays me the blind bit of notice until there's a mistake and they're looking for someone to pin it on! Is there anyway you could look for another job? I started looking before Christmas and even the act of updating my CV and applying for jobs has raised my spirits. I see light at the end of the tunnel! I'm feeling hopeful that after 10 years in my current job, 2017 is going to be my year.

Definitely get time off for your family member's funeral. If you're entitled to bereavement leave, be more assertive and just tell them you're taking it. If you need to attend your child's appointments take as much time as you need. Look up parental leave, I know it's unpaid but they have to give it to you and you need to be with your sick child.

Also for feelings of being over-whelmed yoga has been an absolute life saver for me. Is there a class you could join locally or look up Yoga With Adriene, her 31 day Yoga Revolution starts today, she's honestly amazing.

A chat with your GP about how you're feeling would be a big help too.

I hope you get out of this rut. Sending you good wishes and strength.

monkeysee100 Sun 01-Jan-17 13:55:58

Thank you so much both. I really think I need to get out of the situation and find somewhere I am appreciated. xx

jardy Tue 03-Jan-17 21:33:17

Subscribe to 'Waving not Drowning' ( free) for lots of support in your particular situation flowers

jardy Tue 03-Jan-17 21:35:51

#waving not drowning-the working families campaign # -scroll down Google to find it ( it's not the poem etc! X

Welshgirl40 Tue 03-Jan-17 21:42:42

Agree with all above. You need to feel valued, and be valued. Sounds like your working away to no reward anywhere. Update CV. Go to funeral. Go to child's appointments. You're legally entitled to go to all of these, so if you don't feel personally justified, try to to feel it's your right. flowers

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