Depression fueled mess. I can't even start

[namechanger456]

I have suffered from depression for years. No ADs seem to be helping enough, have changed several times in last year. I have had my autistic child home for 6 months while a difficult school situation has been sorted out. It has broken me. My house has gone from comfortably untidy (give me 10 minutes to clean before you pop round) to I can't let anybody see my kitchen or go upstairs. I have a SW with my child's disability, I am seeing dr regularly etc. I'm just so broken and don't have enough energy to do it. I paid someone to help for the day, they refused to do any dishes, basically just made me feel awful and moved stuff around for 6 hours. Help?

[namechanger456]

Also, am single mum. No family around, haven't been able to work while son at home (6 months.) All advice welcome.

[MrsKCastle]

Sympathies here, I am also struggling with depression, it's so cruel. I know what you mean about everything being too much. Is there anyone that could help you, friends or family? The person you paid before sounds useless!

[MrsKCastle]

Sorry, x-post about having family around. Can the SW suggest anything?

[namechanger456]

I don't have family here and I don't think that I could face being so mental in front of friends. I'm so embarrassed. :(

[namechanger456]

SW just keeps saying that it is normal to be behind in my situation, but she has never seen the kitchen and I try and hide it all as I am scared that they will take kids away

[missyB1]

You'd be surprised how keen friends would be to help out, I dont even know you and i would be round like a shot to give a hand! SW really should be able to access you some support, have they made any suggestions?

[MrsKCastle]

SW is probably trying to be very supportive and understanding, but that's not always helpful, is it? I'm sure there's no actual risk of them taking your children away, that'll be the depression talking.

Would ypu be able to identify one small thing that needs doing, and do it straight away? Like grab as carrier bag and collect up any rubbish, or wash up a few bits? Try not to think about the whole job, just one small step at a time.

[namechanger456]

Thank you, all. I have been doing 10 minutes at a time. It's just SO MUCH. I know that if I can get the kitchen done I will feel better. Am seriously considering getting a paddling pool while the kids are away for a few days and putting all of the washing up into it to soak. That is how bad it is.

[fallenempires]

You have an awful lot going on which you have sole responsibility for,no wonder that you're at breaking point.
The so called helper sounded useless & I guess made you feel even worse than you already did.
Can you somehow try to break things down into tiny but manageable chunks?Maybe tackle things in 10/15 mins bursts.I find that making myself little lists helps me to focus more iyswim.Listening to the radio or my Spotify playlist also makes the jobs which I hate doing anyway but force myself to do seem less annoying!
Can you involve your DS in any of the household tasks? As well as taking some of the weight off yourself it's teaching him life skills.
What meds are you taking and for how long?
It's a horrible illness it really is at it robs people of so much,if you can accept that & try to be kind to yourself then that's already making progress