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Why is it that when I am in a happy mood it always ends with a slump?
Today, all day, I felt happy and positive. Then at around late afternoon I suddenly started feeling this anxiety that just won't leave me alone. It's like I can't finish a single day without feeling like this.
I suffer from horrible anxiety. I worry about something horrible happening to my children, or me becoming ill and dying leaving them without a mum. At the moment I've been thinking about death a lot, and how I'm getting older. I'm only 27 but it scares me that time is going by. That's not normal at my age is it?
I feel so nervous all the time. Like something bad is going to happen. This is accompanied by low moods, insomnia and feeling exhausted. I go from having heaps of energy to having hardly any at all.
To the outside world, people wouldn't think I have anything wrong with me. I always appear upbeat and friendly. But inside I'm either feeling numb or sad or both.
I haven't been to see my gp about this. But I've had enough of trying to ride this out. It's clearly not just "bad phase" I'm going through that will go away. Is there anything that the gp can prescribe for me that will help keep my anxiety at bay and give me a break?
Try and identify what is happening just before you start to feel anxious..
Is there a pattern to your day where the same things happen at the same time ?
It can happen at any time, but I feel particularly bad at when I am about to go out especially when it's the school run. Or I feel bad when the house becomes a mess and everything is on top of me. Also at night time when it's quiet and I start fretting over things. Tiredness makes it all worse as well.
Money is a constant worry as well. If I didn't have to worry about money that would ease my mind a lot. I feel fed up of walking everywhere and feel sorry for my kids having to walk all the time, but I do not have the confidence to drive. It frightens me the thought of me causing an accident and then going to prison for it. I used to be a confident driver but not driven for 6 years now and I've probably forgotten it all now. I hate using public transport as well but I will do if it's necessary.
I feel so much guilt surrounding my children. They are really happy and only little at the moment, but I still feel awful about certain things such as I don't make effort to do play dates, they don't have their own bedrooms, I don't take them on many days out (the park is about all I can manage on my own), and ds1 and ds2 both have learning difficulties. They are all very well loved though and have loads of family around them and I do try my best to keep a nice little home for them. There are just certain aspects of their lives that I feel they miss out on though and are a bit disadvantaged and as they get older I worry that they will start to feel unhappy.
Ds2 has this week just been diagnosed with Autism, which I am not down about as I accepted it months ago. It's just confirmed now and in a way it's been a positive move this week. My only worry is how him being Autistic will affect his life. He's nearly 4 and only just starting to string words together and is still using pull ups. I worry about when he starts school full time.
anxiety sucks, as it is affecting your life so much maybe a visit to your GP would be helpful you could ask about a referal for cbt, which looks at changing the way you think about things and might be helpful.
Don't worry about walking everywhere with your kids, it will keep you all fit and healthy! I walked a lot as a kid and still enjoy walking long distances as an adult. You say that your kids are really happy, so theres nothing feel guilty about, lots of kids don't have their own rooms, especially when they are little, and going to the park is great, they don't need big days out, and to be honest they probably wouldn't appreciate them anymore than going to the park at their. They have a loving family arround them and thats whst matters most. As you say your sons diagnosis pre school could be a positive thing as it will mean that he gets the support he needs from the start.
Also I found pacing myself helps. I realised that on a good day I was running arround like crazy trying to catch up on things, then crashing and having a few bad day, pacing myself has helped even things out.
Go to your GP sweetheart. The medication I'm on really really helps.
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