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Depressed lonely single mum

(5 Posts)
emmalee9 Sat 31-Dec-16 01:08:56

I need advice.
I have been suffering with depression since having little girl 6 years ago.
I've been a single mum for 3 years and have been on Citalopram 40mg for 3 years also.
Since the break up of my last relationship a year ago things have gone down hill. I want to sleep constantly. I drop my daughter off at school and 9/10 I will crawl back into bed until pick up time. I tend to come alive at night and that is when I work (I am lucky enough to work from home and choose my hours).
My house is a mess, which makes me hate my home. I have no energy to clean it. I rarely dress myself nicely or do my hair and makeup anymore, which makes me feel even more rubbish tbh cos I feel so ugly all the time, but I just can't be bothered.
I am DESPERATE to find a boyfriend as I feel this is my only way to get happiness back, to feel loved and wanted again. I have a lot of close friends which I am incredibly grateful for, all of which are in very happy relationships which adds to my desperation to find somebody. I feel I am not good enough for anybody and no one will want me unless its for sex.
My friends and family are very supportive, and my daughters Dad is wonderful and very much in the picture. So I feel incredibly selfish for feeling so depressed and lonely. How dare I when i have such an amazing support network around me?
I just want to hide under my duvet forever. I have insomnia at night but I could sleep all day. I don't eat properly. I don't take care of myself properly. I don't exercise. I drink and party at the weekends when my daughter is with her Dad as I feel that is the only way I can get out the house and have any fun, but recently I've become a very angry and emotional drunk so I can't even do that anymore.
I'm in a ton of debt. I feel there is no way out. I don't want to talk to anyone as I feel pathetic. I can't speak on the phone as it makes me anxious. I feel doctors don't care and throw a higher dose of pills at you.
Please help.

Iusedtobedontcall Sat 31-Dec-16 01:27:35

Emmalee you are not worthless. You have depression. Your perception of things is warped at the moment, so you are viewing things through a negative prism. Your thoughts are not reality. They are just thoughts and you can choose not to engage with them. You can get better and you don't need a relationship to fix you, that will come in time when you are happy with yourself. Try to do healthy activities, even if you have to force yourself. Start small, maybe a ten minute walk in the fresh air and build from there. Don't beat yourself up if you don't manage it. Therapy can help. Are you taking anti depressants? They don't solve everything but they can help a little.
I am in a similar situation and trying to get better x

Iusedtobedontcall Sat 31-Dec-16 01:28:21

Sorry just read you are taking citalopram. It might be worth changing meds?

Iusedtobedontcall Sat 31-Dec-16 01:28:58

Also avoid alcohol. It is a depressant and will be making you feel much worse.

AnxiousCarer Sat 31-Dec-16 12:32:58

flowers to you. You definately sound depressed, I second what pp said about a medication review, could you see a different GP, if you are not finding your current one helpful? You could also ask for a referal for councelling or cbt to work alongside your meds. You sound like you have very low self esteem too, there are some really good self help books out there. I reccomend an author called Susan Jeffers.

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