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I'm such a loser

(16 Posts)
DispatchReady Fri 30-Dec-16 23:31:40

Supposed to have people round this evening, school mum and family - I invited them a while ago because we never have anyone round and it's not good for any of us. Was feeling excited. Woke up last night in a complete panic telling DH there was no way I could have them over. I faked illness so I could cancel and DCs wouldn't realise it was because I'm such a weirdo - i had to stay in bed all morning and not eat or drink too much to cover it up. I never used to be like this, we always had people round when DCs were small but for the last 2 years I've cut myself off from everybody. And found out who my friends are literally about 2 people. All I like to do is watch tv - I care more about tv people than people IRL. I just panicked and now I've lied to people who could potentially be friends and lied to my DC. WTF?! I kind of don't want to change though, feel bitter and left out when I see what everyone is up to on FB and hate all the gushing and bragging so don't tend to look anymore but actually think I'm happiest and in my comfort zone when looking at tv people's lives and dilemmas as I'm involved but not really. I cry my eyes out at tv things but IRL I'm likely to roll my eyes and think FFS get on with life! Had a lot of loss myself so I know what it's like but have no major issues with it which people find weird. I'm fine getting on with people at work as everyone is lovely but it's superficial. Not even sure what I'm trying to I depressed, anxious or just plain odd? Does anyone else feel like this?

Unicorn1981 Fri 30-Dec-16 23:35:36

I think you need to get out more. Go for a walk, take your dc to the park. Maybe have one person round for a coffee then build it up from there. I hope this is helpful there is a lot going on in your post I don't fully understand but I do think you are overthinking a lot. However I sometimes feel challenged when people come round but if I was the friendship to develop it has to happen eventually so I think I'd rather do it the first time and get it done than keep letting people down.

DispatchReady Sat 31-Dec-16 10:05:17

Thanks Unicorn - my DCs are teens so no going to the park, I have dogs so get out daily with them. This mum and I have had coffee just the two of us which was fine it was more that I'd invited her whole family to join with mine that made me anxious about hosting. Yes I totally overthink everything.

AnxiousCarer Sat 31-Dec-16 12:54:46

Theres a really good book called 'Dare to Connect ' by Susan Jeffers that helped me a lot with social anxiety. Might be worth a look.

happyfrown Sat 31-Dec-16 12:58:54

your not alone with your conflicting thoughts, I too feel so alone when seeing other peoples 'happy' social lives on fb or in RL, it makes me feel so low, but on the flip side I know that I couldn't handle going out or being surrounded by lots of people! WTF!
think to myself why am I moaning about something I couldn't even deal with. im just not used to it so find the thought of it really scary so rather than panic I too would cancel. feeling for you. we are our own worst enemy!

DispatchReady Sat 31-Dec-16 14:54:57

Thanks anxious I'll look for that book.

happy yes that's it, I don't really want to be doing lots of social stuff but feel left out, that's FB for you though and why I try not to look at it!

I used to be sociable but think over the last two years I've withdrawn due to lots of issues and none of my so called friends have noticed I'm gone! Because I don't post on FB I don't exist to them. Hence me being on here a lot and watching tv to feel a connection with people who aren't real. Now DCs are in secondary school it's hard to make new friends but I'm not even sure I can bothered to, due to the social anxiety, but I still feel sad not to be part of a girly group etc. Not sure what I want!

happyfrown Sat 31-Dec-16 18:53:19

can understand what your saying, I cant offer any advice as im exactly the same! but might be comfort that your not the only who feels confused over it.
I think the thought of having friends and being able to share life experiences and be chatty sounds great but on days when you cant face the world (pretty much every day for me) people/friends are the last thing you can be bothered with, if like me I feel guilty for pushing them out and feel like you aint got nothing interesting to say other than moaning anyway!

what are you up to tonight? hope you will be having fun x

DispatchReady Sat 31-Dec-16 22:12:51

Sorry you feel the same, do you know where it stems from?

Tonight we're staying in,of course! Watching Harry Potter which I don't mind, not a fan of big new year things anyway! How about you?

happyfrown Sat 31-Dec-16 23:11:04

shit childhood in a nut shell.
had my first ds young so not much life experience before I had to 'grow up' pretty much went down hill from there really.

also I found that friends during childhood are so more genuine and free spirited, compared to 'mummy' friends - from experience It feels more serious, more pressured, hard to explain. you feel like you have to protect your kids from other peoples kids sometimes. cant put it into words. hmm

what about you?

me and dc's are staying in too, watching midsummer murders smile have no where to go even if I wanted to.

DispatchReady Sat 31-Dec-16 23:47:09

Aah that's tough, me too though. Parents not abusive as such but borderline alcoholics and basically told me I was shy so would never do anything.

I agree most mum friends are just people who happen to have had children the same time as you, although others seem to form genuine friendships, although I wonder how genuine they are really as everyone seems to slate each other behind backs! My best friend is someone I've known since first starting work and is still around, along with one mum friend, but she's ultra busy and popular so fits me in when she can!

Do you want to make more friends? Are you still in contact with childhood friends? Or are you not fussed - I think I need to accept that I'm not as bothered and am quite happy in my own company, with my family and my one or two good friends, and lovely colleagues. And just accept that the ones who left me to it when I withdrew weren't friends.

Happy new year happy I hope 2017 brings you whatever you desire. winesmile

happyfrown Sun 01-Jan-17 00:07:32

with past friends ive found them to be quite competitive, if in a group thing even worse. very true with the bitching behind backs.

not in touch with any childhood friends, they were all at college when I disappeared! moved away . due past experience I don't want to make new friends after being stabbed in the back so many times, ive lost trust in friends. ive put up barriers and shut people out. but I would be lying if I said I wasn't lonely.

happy new year to you too x

DispatchReady Sun 01-Jan-17 00:22:44

I'm exactly the same, think I'm a kind person who'll do anything for anyone but not reciprocated so give up!

happyfrown Sun 01-Jan-17 11:44:52

I think im kind, the type that would put others feelings before my own.

DispatchReady Sun 01-Jan-17 14:23:42

You sound really sad - hope you're ok? There's another thread on AIBU where poster can't be bothered to socialise and wonders if its depression. A lot of posts in there rang true for me - maybe take a look?

happyfrown Sun 01-Jan-17 17:12:56

sorry hope I didn't ruin your thread, just wanted to let you know theres more of us out there x

DispatchReady Sun 01-Jan-17 21:45:42

You haven't at all! There seem to be lots of threads today about people feeling left out and friends being horrible so that makes me think we're better off smile

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