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Husband planned a night out- having anxiety about it

(32 Posts)
AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 20:38:30

My lovely and very understanding husband has been super patient and understanding about my anxiety that has slowly but persistently ramped up over the last few years. He has never pressurized me or pushed me to explain just been supportive. I have got sertraline that I plan to start in the next few days for anxiety that stops me from doing a lot. Day to day I am fine but don't want to make many plans/holidays/go out for dinners/ plans with friends as I fear not being able to get out of the situation. My anxiety is all around a history of IBS and feeling like I need to get away. It's all pretty irrational but has taken a strong hold of me. Anyway my husband planned for us to go to an escape room tomorrow night. I really don't want to go. The travel, the timing (having to be there by a certain time and stay for a certain time), being closed in the room (although I know you can ask to leave). I struggled a bit over Christmas and generally do over new year as it reminds me of how long I have suffered with this now. I feel exhausted and tired of dealing with the insomnia, nausea, tummy upset etc my anxiety brings and don't want to go so I can avoid all this and have some peace after a fairly anxious few weeks. My husband is really upset that I don't want to go and is understandably cross. So should I suck it up and ft through tonight and tomorrow to prove a point to muself (not letting it win) and for him or should I be kind to myself and acknowledge that I'm at breaking point and need to not push myself too much right now? I'm in a quandry in my mind and not sure what to do

Rachie1986 Thu 29-Dec-16 20:42:19

How far is it to travel? What time is it?

Is it just the 2 of you?

I have anxiety tomorrow, it's horrible, so you have my sympathy x

Bluntness100 Thu 29-Dec-16 20:42:44

Why have you not started your medication yet? And why would you say no and let an irrational mental health issue stop you from enjoying your life and trying new things?

The answer to those two questions will answer the dilemma on whether you should go.

Pollyxcx Thu 29-Dec-16 20:45:40

Honestly? Go

Take back some power from the anxiety, start the new year off with a positive action against it.

I'm guessing your fear is some kind of accident IBS wise? Has that ever happened or is it a "what if?"

gleegeek Thu 29-Dec-16 20:46:40

This thread chimes with me. You could be me! I've no advice but I'm sending a big hug because anxiety is rubbish as is IBS. I'm sitting with a prescription for prozac which I just can't make myself take (mainly because I'm scared of side effects and that I'll never get off them again). Sending a massive hug xxx

gleegeek Thu 29-Dec-16 20:49:00

Just thought. You can self refer for cbt online in some areas. I did it and my therapist has recommended I see the Dr and ask for a referral to a health psychologist as almost all of my anxiety seems to stem from various health conditions I have. Might be worth asking for a referral?

MuggleWuggle Thu 29-Dec-16 20:50:21

I went through a period of time a few years ago where I had panic attacks and anxiety also related to not being able to get out of places, so I completely feel for you.

I saw a fantastic counsellor who specialised in panic & anxiety- she gave me a few strategies but said st the end of the day strategies can help but the only way to truly deal with it is to not avoid the things that make you anxious, it's the only way you will discover you can survive it and be ok.

Not always easy and can't promise you'll enjoy it at all but it may be a start to getting back to having nights out that don't fill you with dread.

MuggleWuggle Thu 29-Dec-16 20:51:11

I went through a period of time a few years ago where I had panic attacks and anxiety also related to not being able to get out of places, so I completely feel for you.

I saw a fantastic counsellor who specialised in panic & anxiety- she gave me a few strategies but said st the end of the day strategies can help but the only way to truly deal with it is to not avoid the things that make you anxious, it's the only way you will discover you can survive it and be ok.

Not always easy and can't promise you'll enjoy it at all but it may be a start to getting back to having nights out that don't fill you with dread.

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 20:51:40

Yes exactly, what if I need the loo (don't want to have to have an explosion in a public loo). Have had need to get to loo before but no major dramas. I haven't started the meds yet as the side effects worried me and didn't want to feeel shitty over Christmas. Yes it would be just us and driving there (could take train so it's up to me) which would take approx 1.5 hours. My anxiety is mostly physical so shaking, vomiting, dry mouth, IBS, horribly restless. I'm exhausted after a big attack on Christmas Eve

MooPointCowsOpinion Thu 29-Dec-16 20:53:37

One of those Escape Rooms is a nightmare trip for someone with anxiety, why on earth would he pick that as an activity for you?

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 20:55:19

Sorry missed the new posts. I have been trying to build up doing more things that panic me I just feel like I'm a bit spent! I usually push through it and go out and end up having a good
Time in the end but it's the travel that panics me. I can't rationalize it or make excuses I know it is totally ridiculous. Have had some Hypno and CBT but going to try more CBT this year as my life is dwindling and I don't want the anxiety to take more and more of it.

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 20:55:30

Social life I should say not my life!

OutandIn Thu 29-Dec-16 20:56:50

I would imagine "locked" in an escape room would be the last place i would want (pay!) to be with anxiety/ibs worries. I'm surprised your DH doesn't understand this as it would seem pretty obvious imo.

BIWI Thu 29-Dec-16 20:57:56

What have you put in place to take control of your life and your IBS?

You have medication for your anxiety do you really need to start taking that. But what about your IBS. There's a lot that you can do to get that under control.

I really sympathise with you, but I can also sympathise with your DH.

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 20:58:37

He picked it because he has done it with work and knows I would absolutely love it and I would (just not right now!) but one where we can plan it together when I am more settled and is closer to home not a dash into London late at night. But maybe that's just me
Scrabbling for excuses

Usually I would say "Go, try it", but an escape room sounds like a terrible plan for someone with anxiety! Can you persuade him to do that bit of the evening by himself, while you wait in a nearby cafe with a coffee and a good book?

Try the setraline btw. I put off starting it but felt the benefits almost immediately. Good luck.

OutandIn Thu 29-Dec-16 20:59:46

I get a bit claustrophobic and don't like the idea of it. There is one 15mins from us though so i may be persuaded by the DC one day - to travel for 1.5hrs though - no chance.

Costacoffeeplease Thu 29-Dec-16 21:00:13

What is an escape room?

Plifner Thu 29-Dec-16 21:02:17

I suffered very badly with anxiety some years ago.

An escape room would have been impossible. I couldn't do it now and I'm fine.

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 21:03:45

When he told me I got the cold dread of panic and have oscillated between that and a little excitement ever since. We talked about it and he was upset,said it would be a good oppprtunity to kick it up the arse but yes it is also my worst nightmare and something I would like to do! Sigh! He has said we don't need To go and I now have the predictable feeling of relief that will turn into disappointment in myself come tomorrow when I don't go. I basically feel like I'm happy to do things and go places so long as I can pull out at the last minute (not that I ever need to) but in need that safety cord to pull and he is usually always willing to provide it. He said it dom

Plifner Thu 29-Dec-16 21:05:28

Be kind to yourself. Why on earth would you want to do it? I think you are being completely reasonable. Why on earth can't you just try going for a meal? Your dh clearly has no idea what anxiety is like

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 21:07:38

He said of course you can leave if you need (you just let them know) but would prefer me to try and have to leave than not try at all.
An escape room is a themed room which you have 60 mins in. You have to solve puzzles to answer questions and progress to be able
To answer the final puzzle and escape before the time is up. They sound good fun just to me right now it sounds horrendous!

GTS Thu 29-Dec-16 21:08:17

Hell no. I can't think of a worse activity for someone suffering so horribly from anxiety. It's like suggesting a day at a splash park for someone terrified of water! Honestly I really think you need to go easy on yourself right now and take baby steps. An escape room is not a baby step it's a giant leap. Only you can really know how you think it will make you feel, but if it was me I would nope right out of this one. Honestly, if he loves you and is supportive, he will understand.

AnxiousAnnieiam Thu 29-Dec-16 21:12:24

BIWI I have found diet changes have helped the IBS and Hypno. I don't find the IBS actually bothers me that much these days but it is still casts a big shadow anxiety wise. I had Hypno previously that kicked it for several years but it hasn't seemed to work this time and I have found mindfulness very helpful but been a bit lax the last few months - 'as. I say my anxiety does not affect me day to day so I got lazy. But then I guess it does as I don't go on holidays or adventures with friends often as I get anxious about it. Or rather my body gets physically anxious and that starts off panciky thoughts

Pollyxcx Thu 29-Dec-16 21:13:20

Escape room is giving the wrong impression to some posters I think

You can walk out of the door whenever you like. You aren't locked in or prevented from leaving.

I think you should go. You'll be so proud of yourself afterwards, when you've had fun, achieved something, not had an accident and managed to do something that even people without anxiety wouldn't do. What a coup for you!

Plus the puzzles will keep you so busy You'll forget about the anxiety!

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