Recent diagnosis of PTSD, and now this

[Rekorderlig]

Hi all. I'm not new to mumsnet, but this is my first time actually writing a post. Last week I was diagnosed with PTSD, on top of the depression which I've had for seemingly my whole life. I've been with my partner for over 12 years and he's really supportive and brilliant. I still have no idea why he is with me. We have a young son also, who is complete handful, but also brilliant.

I found out yesterday that the only stable, loving person from my childhood, my wonderful grandmother is terminally ill in hospital, with only a few days to live. I'm really not coping with this news at all. I've been to see her and said goodbye, but she's not really with it. I doubt she knew I was there. To see someone I love and look up to, be so frail and weak is absolutely terrifying. I have no idea what to do, hence writing here. I'm just waiting for the news that she's gone.

I've only just started to get my head around the PTSD, and the reasons I have it. I still haven't told anyone why, apart from my partner, he knows some reasons, but not everything. I wish I could scream, get angry, cry, anything. I just feel completely numb and alone. I feel I have nothing left emotionally to deal with this right now.

I've been to see my GP recently, and have been prescribed various ADs, none work apart from mirtazapine, and that's only for my insomnia. Also been referred to CMHT, I have no idea how long this will take. I have no idea what else to do.

[pklme]

First of all, congratulations on building such good relationships, despite having a traumatic background. I'm glad you have a diagnosis and will be getting some treatment.

I'm so sorry about losing your gran, and that she wasn't really well enough to say goodbye to you. You know she loves you, and that her strength helped you while you were young, and nothing will ever change the love and support you were to each other.

I'm glad you have a supportive DP and a lively son to focus on.

[AnxiousCarer]

to you. You are going through a really tough time.

I am recovering from PTSD too. From reading about it one of the features is emotional numbing, which is often misdiagnosed as depression, but doesn't respond to ADs, as it is a different mechanism to depression. Its our minds way of trying to protect us from the very traumatic memories, but numbs the happy feelings too. I have found Mirtazapine useful for anxiety, but Flouxitine did nothing for me. Again from reading ADs are not the treatment of choice for PTSD it seems that the best evidence is for a treatment called EDMR. I'ts good that you have been refered to CMHT, unfortuately there can be a long wait as I'm sure you know. If you work, does your work offer any access to councelling or psychology? Or can you afford any private therapy?If you go down the private councelling route ensure they are experienced in trauma as the standard councelling training can exacerbate PTSD according to my councellor. Having had 1 session of EDMR it made an instant difference for me, though there is still a long way to go and the psychology sessions are hard going at times.

I'm really sorry about your Nan, its really hard losing someone you love. Be kind to yourself and grieve inbyour own way, theres no right or wrong way to feel. I'm glad you have a supportive DH too.

[PawsandWhiskers]

I also have been recently diagnosed with PTSD, am finding it difficult to cope at the moment so can't offer anything in the way of useful advice, but can offer a hand to hold.

What I am trying to hold onto is that now it has been recognised for what it is, I will be able to get the right treatment to get through it.

So sorry about your Nan

[Rekorderlig]

Thank you so much for your lovely, kind messages.
My Gp has referred me specifically for EMDR, or at least someone who specializes in it.
I always try to focus on my present life, but it is so difficult when your past needs to be in your head and dreams all the the time. I just want to forget.

[AnxiousCarer]

It sounds really positive that you GP has made the referal. Flasbacks are horible, I felt like I had events playing through my head on a constant loop, but that stopped after 1 session of EDMR, I hope you find it helpful too. They did come back after my last therapy session but less intense andcwaiting to see psychologist again now. Its still early days.

I found meditation helpful, I've been using an app called headspace which was reccommended by a CPN. And mindfulness techniques have helped too.