Does anyone else just wish they could go to sleep and never wake up?

[Beaniebeemer]

I've been battling with depression and anxiety for years but it has got significantly worse in the last 3 years. There is so much in my life that needs to change but for one reason or another it can't, mainly due to money.

I'm tired. I'm so bloody tired. My body aches and I have zero motivation. I'm 33 I have two living children who are 5 and 3. Being a mother has put me in this place. My mental health has never been great but I've never been at the point where I fantasise about suicide and not being here anymore. I know that's not an option now cause I have children which is so scary in itself.

It frustrates me that people don't see the world as I do. My anxiety about the future utterly floors me at times and I don't like living in such an uncertain world.

I don't actually think I want to get better I took antidepressants for 14 months last year and early into this year. I gradually had the dosage increased but they didn't really do anything for me expect gain weight which I desperately didnt need.

Nobody knows this is how bad things are I think people know that there is a struggle going on, I know I "look depressed" I'm properly fat, dress shit, don't look after myself - people stare and sneer at me. In the past I would have been described as a strong and reasonably intelligent character but I'm tired of that front now.

I need therapy that's for sure but I don't have the time to dedicate to it - I need to do it properly. I had a session of it but was with totally the wrong person.

Sorry this is so self indulgent.

[Itisnoteasybeingdifferent]

Please don't apologise... you are simply saying what you feel.

Being a mum with two small children is hard work,,, tiredness is a constant companion. You say you have money issues and can't address the things that need changing. Again cause for emotional and physical exhaustion... thence depression and anxiety.

All I can say about meds is I don't like it much... but I dislike not taking them even more.

[AnxiousCarer]

I've felt like that, a long time ago now. It did get better with ADs and councelling. It can get better for you too. Not all ADs work for everyone so it might be worth exploring a different one with your GP. I've had sucess with flouoxitine in the past for depression and don't remember any weight gain with that. This time with PTSD and anxiety, it did nothing for me so swapped to Mirtazapine which has helped a lot but I've put on 2 stone in 2 months despite going to the gym most days.

I've also found councelling very helpful in the past for depression, you could ask your GP about that too.

[Varya]

Yes

[Gape1211a]

Yep, driving home from relatives today. I thought about driving into the back of a lorry. Didn't because I had my 2 dd's in the car. I think about it every few days but then think no matter how bad I feel, I couldn't leave my children n the damage it would do to them.

I have tried twice before I had children.

Have you got a good GP? Go speak to them.

[AnxiousCarer]

Samaritans 116 123 or email [email protected] they are there for anyone who is struggling.

[Mrstumbletap]

Yes and I heard this saying about suicide once that made me stop and think
"Don't use a permanent solution to a temporary problem"

Very true, you feel crap now but in 2 years your life could be amazing, you don't know what's around the corner. How are your children? Are they in good health? Are you in good health? (Apart from the weight issues)

Try reading some positive motivational stories - the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama made me change the way I think about things.

Everyone goes through periods in their life thinking I can't do this, this is too hard, life is shit. But you CAN get through it. You have to make positive steps to change your life, little bit by little bit.

for you. Can you give us a bit more info?

[eurochick]

The Pill made me feel like this. I stopped taking it and the feeling went within a week or so.