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My old friends loneliness and anxiety - anyone around?

(29 Posts)
Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:47:19

Hi all. I've been suffering with anxiety especially around work for a while now- am back in work tomorrow. Have had a strange Christmas- was so looking forward to it, but my do who is very difficult and emotionally and verbally abusive, has been on usual form.
I feel really lonely at the moment- young people doing their thing, dh being horrible , tiredness etc. anyone around to say hi? X

Capepoint Tue 27-Dec-16 21:51:35

I'm here. I'm sorry you are having a rough time of it.

BifsWif Tue 27-Dec-16 21:52:12

I'm here too, I'm really sorry that you're struggling at the moment.

Anononoo Tue 27-Dec-16 21:52:54

Hi is a weird time of year, so much expectation, a lot of disappointment. I feel shattered and rather flat today myself. Sorry to hear you are feeling anxious.

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:55:19

Hi Cape thanks for you reply- it's been a funny old Christmas, was a bit disorganised, one of the children was ill, and have also been a but tired, seems like I didn't have enough rumps up or something and suddenly it's over ! Sometimes, when dh has one of his outbursts, I feel just generally upset, sad and also anxious. I made the decision to stay in the marriage for another two yrs but I'm not sure I can take much more of his unpredictanpbility and outright mean ness- I'm trying to heal from something and he causes all these extra problems .

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:56:47

Blimey I don't want any rumps up anyway whatever they are ... Supposed to say ' run up ' hmm

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 21:59:23

Thank you Bifswif that does make me feel better. I have a counsellor who I'll see in the New Year but I can't store every problem for her to help with ! Sigh.

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 22:01:15

Anon - also thank you, tiredness is a real pain and makes everything worse. I've been doing well lately, but I sort of have to feel rested etc to be at my best and interacting more positively- feel as if I've been a bit preoccupied and miserable too.

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 22:02:05

I am also trying to read a book on recovery - but that's also ,asking me anxious sad

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 22:27:35

Why do we feel lonely? Especially when there are people around?

AnxiousCarer Tue 27-Dec-16 23:05:42

Hi woolly I'm anotherone having a post christmas slump, you are not alone flowers

Woollymammoth63 Tue 27-Dec-16 23:10:11

Hi anxious - thanks. I try to remember, if I am struggling with something, chances are I'm not the first or only one. I have been doing better, but when a negative feeling kicks in, some of the other stuff can make an unwelcome return too.
How have you been doing over Christmas ?

AnxiousCarer Wed 28-Dec-16 00:01:04

Christmas has been ok thanks, better than expected. It was visiting one of DHs family members who has the same MH problems as him and hearing them discussing him illness, thats triggered my PTSD and left me feeling very tearful. Was scarred to mention it to DH as I don't want him to feel like he can't discuss his health problems for fear of upsetting me, but have talked it through with him today which was useful. For me the worst thing is the long breaks between seeing CPNs and psychologist over the Christmas period.

Hope work is ok tomorrow, I'm off sick at the moment so wasvhoping to go back next week but not sure I'm ready yet. Does your work offer any support. Mine have provided councelling and psychology which has been really useful.

Woollymammoth63 Wed 28-Dec-16 00:15:42

Do you mean long breaks for you or for your dh? I remember a bit about your story.
I am missing seeing my psychologist, and I'm disappointed that I feel that as I thought I was healing and recovering.
I have been preoccupied and tired over Christmas whereas I had been hoping to connect more. It's been hectic and my dh has caused lots of problems too so that may be why.

AnxiousCarer Wed 28-Dec-16 00:33:37

Its the long break for me that I'm struggling with, DH is quite well at the moment and seems to be coping ok without CPN for a couple of weeks. My last session with psychologist was very triggering with lots of flashbacks for the first week after, so to then have to wait 3 weeks to see him again has felt tough.

I think we can be healing and recovering but still need that regular support. We probably hadn't even realised how much it was helping until it's not there any more. It sounds like you are having a tough time with your DH.

Woollymammoth63 Wed 28-Dec-16 00:38:41

I can relate to that anxious, I had a session just before Xmas about quite an intense subject, a new subject in fact and it made me pre occupied for several days. It's very difficult to juggle therapy and work/ life in general .
I am missing seeing her for sure, I feel I don't want to be needy yet perhaps also need to acknowledge I need her at the moment still.

AnxiousCarer Wed 28-Dec-16 01:12:56

Luckily not having to juggle work yet.Was planning to ask for a phased return from 9th Jan when current sick note runs out. But if therapy sessions are going to continue to cause such intense reactions then not sure I could function at work.

I must try to get some sleep now planning to tackle sales tomorrow. I've put on 2 stone in the last 2 months since starting mirtazapine so nothing fits!

AnxiousCarer Wed 28-Dec-16 18:54:41

Hi woolly how are you today?

Woollymammoth63 Wed 28-Dec-16 21:11:55

Hi anxious thanks for your post. Well I got up and got in there and did the day's work so that's good. I'm not going to be winning employee of the year 2016 but that's ok. I am still quiet and sad but a lot of that is down to dh.
I wish I could see my counsellor tomorrow but am pretty sure she won't look at e mails till the new year. So I'll just have to manage on my own and with the help of mumsnet.
How did the sales go? There's one on in monsoon I was too late today but might go tomorrow.
The therapy sessions can cause a lot of emotional reactions I feel as if I've been crying for weeks now , at some part of the day.
I was thinking about journaling - not sure what you are supposed to do but thought I might identify my feelings and then consider how I could help myself to feel better.

Woollymammoth63 Thu 29-Dec-16 00:00:09

I have been thinking this evening . It's as if a lot of emotions are stirred up by my therapy - but I still don't seem to have the tools to cope with the emotions yet.

AnxiousCarer Thu 29-Dec-16 12:29:51

Hi wooley sales were ok, was very busy, bumped car in carpark but no harm done, just to my confidence. Got some new clothes that fit, but was depressing seeing how much weight I've gained, the sort of clothes I'd normally wear just make me look pregnant! Really don't want people at work to be asking when I go back as we have been ttc for quite a while now, though it got put on hold with DH being poorly of course.

Emotions definately get stirred up with therapy. Psychologist did warn me things might get worse before they got better. Its the way it works. Just seen GP who is still keep for me to start back at work on 9th Jan phased return. I thought I would be ready too, but not so sure since last psychology session. Feeling quite anxious about it now. Going to discuss with psychologist next week. GP thinks I should push myself more, but then her advise is often in direct oposition to the advice I get from MH professionals. Psychologist said to aim for anxiety to be 3/10 70% of the time before going back which it was until he stirred things up...

Woollymammoth63 Thu 29-Dec-16 22:29:46

Hi anxious - sorry to hear about the car, that's annoying but glad no harm done. I think the GO can use their discretion when giving sick notes - man 9 th seems soon to me too, I know how much intense emotions can be brought to the surface in therapy, and they don't just settle quickly. It takes me at least two days, but with intense things, I am pre occupied for longer.

Not a great day today at woolly workplace. Close to a mini meltdown I managed to get away with a choked back tears moment. After work I felt how I often feel lately, emotional but then a bit hopeless as if I no longer know where I am going with all of this. And begin to question will I get better and will I ever actually enjoy work again like I used to.
But then I remember, it gets worse before it gets better, I am growing, am not the finished product, and a lot of it is anxiety being back at work and tiredness. I wanted to see my counsellor- she didn't reply, as she often doesn't until s few days later, it's just her way. Am trying to read some of the material she gave me on self soothing etc. I still feel really lonely and all I can think is that this therapy is waking up my heart and my feelings are more in the fore so that may be why- previously I wanted to be on my own quite a lot. So again, a half way house.

AnxiousCarer Fri 30-Dec-16 10:12:19

flowers woolly these blinking therapists, stirring up emotions, then disapearing for christmas breaks eh! I think you are right, this is part of the process. Psychologist did warn me it would probably get worse before it gets better. And we will get better. I'm teaful ay the moment too, yesterday I cried because I got the opening times at the gym wrong. But I think I've needed to cry for a long time and its just leaking out at any excuse now.

Woollymammoth63 Fri 30-Dec-16 18:53:07

I seem to cry on a daily basis in the car to and from work hmm .

Yes , she sold it to me as me wanting to spend time with family- yes I thought, until reality kicks in and I realise that means not so d- h. Ha fancy expecting a Christmas break when I can be needy all year round!!
Well the weeks work is done that feels a bit better at least smile

AnxiousCarer Sat 31-Dec-16 11:53:36

Glad you have made it to the weekend woolly lets hope 2017 is a better year for both of us.

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