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Struggling to cope with Christmas

(20 Posts)
Lovemusic33 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:29:39

I'm sure many people are especially on the mental health boards, maybe we can hand hold and get through this together.

I started med's 10 days ago, a few days later I found my partner was cheating and I chucked him out, I am so very upset and angry, I hate what he has done, he continues to lie about it and deny it even though I saw the evedence on his phone, he tells me he sent the messages for someone else even though he had disclosed personal details and sent photos. My mental health wasn't great before he left, to be honest since I met him my mental health went down hill, my family didn't like him so I distanced myself from them, I feel like I have let my kids down, let my family down and let myself down. I go from feeling ok ish to crying my eyes out. Every one else seems to be happy getting on with Christmas things and I just feel like curling up in a ball under a blanket and crying.

How do you cope when everyone else seems happy? I'm sick of hearing Christmas music, people dressed in Christmas jumpers and people looking cheerful.

Anyone else struggling?

Dozer Fri 23-Dec-16 17:32:11

Sorry you're going through this, and especially about your cheating (now) ex. Sounds like your health will be better without him. Short term pain long term gain.

You haven't let your DC down. We can only do our best!

I'm struggling for different reasons and am just doing my best.

Lovemusic33 Fri 23-Dec-16 17:44:54

I feel guilty for staying in the relationship, I have been depressed for months and so had he, it can't have been easy for my dc's having to see me so low, there were days when I struggled to move of the sofa, days where I didn't talk at all. I know/hope that things will get better and my mental health will improve.

I want to do my best to make Christmas good for my dc's, I'm trying not to cry in front of them, they miss my partner even though he was often snappy with dd1.

Lolimax Fri 23-Dec-16 17:55:53

Can I join? Sorry to hear about your ex partner and how things are love. What meds have they put you on?
I was getting much better but I've gone downhill rapidly the last 24 hours. I'm lucky my DC's are grown up and only coming for xmas dinner so I can play at being happy. We've had a run-in with SIL which has upset me but this is mainly I think delayed grief as I lost my mum nearly 2 years ago.
I was very mature just now and walked out of the house and am presently sitting in a Sainsbury's cafe nursing a cuppa. God knows what I look like.

Lovemusic33 Fri 23-Dec-16 19:39:34

Hi Lolimax, I am on matrazapine (sp) as well as sleeping tablets, I have tried many anti depressants over the past 8months and this is my 2nd attempt on these ones sad, whilst I was with my ex I self medicated as I was so desperate, I took Vallium and a few other things sad.

Well done for walking out, I walked out many times, often in my pj's, have sat in many car parks and have been on many road trips.

sugarplumnight Fri 23-Dec-16 21:59:33

I can't advise you on the medication front, but I share my experience in the hope you can find some positivity.

Last Christmas I cried all through the period, I had a horribly abusive boyfriend who deliberately bought me nothing and shouted at me all day. I ruined Christmas for my mum by us being there, and to boot I had no money and no secure housing for the New Year. I wanted to cancel the whole thing and even the sight of someone else festive sent me in to meltdown. However I managed to hold it together on the day and then made a resolution to sort everything out after Christmas

This year the bastard has gone and I'm enjoying a frugal but happy Christmas with family and I wish that I had known how much difference a year could make.

Try and breathe and get through the next week or two, allowing yourself to feel shit, and then look forward to a happier 2017 flowers

Openup41 Fri 23-Dec-16 23:35:07

It is difficult seeing everybody being cheerful yet not feeling so cheerful yourself. You try but it is too much of a struggle.

Sorry to hear about your relationship issues. It really can send you into a downward spiral.

Where are you spending Christmas Day/Boxing Day?

Lovemusic33 Sat 24-Dec-16 08:37:02

Today's not a good day, ex has sent me messages all night which I have ignored, he's trying to break me and he's doing a good job sad. I will try and keep busy today visiting family and delivering presents but it's hard work putting a fake smile on my face to please everyone.

I am spending Christmas Day with my dad, Boxing Day I am on my own as dc's are going to their dads.

I just want to cry but I need to get my dd up and try and make things good for them. Hopefully the dc's dad will stay over tonight to see them open their presents in the morning, if not we will be going to stay at my mums tonight, I don't want to be on my own.

Coffeegrain Sat 24-Dec-16 11:40:20

How do I cope when everyone else seems happy? Healthy or not I hide away! Me and ds been in house a few days now. The short trip I did in the car I turned the Christmas music off- too much hype. We've been cosy, watched films and I've deleted the Facebook app for now!!
Venturing out today and have all wrapping to do!

Coffeegrain Sat 24-Dec-16 11:41:08

Oh and I'm at work from Boxing Day for 9 days in a row!

Lovemusic33 Sat 24-Dec-16 14:13:50

I wish I was strong enough to do that coffee, I hate being on my own without adult company but at the same time I don't want to go anywhere either. I'm just about to take myself away from Facebook, I'm finding it hard reading people's posts moaning about trivial things.

Coffeegrain Sat 24-Dec-16 14:21:37

You are strong enough lovemusic. Distraction is key for me. Had a shit year, miscarriage, breakup and ex already with ow. Friendship breakdown too.
I've wrapped gifts but just can't be bothered at all, feel numb like I don't care.
I haven't looked at FB for 2 days definitely the best way!
What is your plan for the rest of the day?

Coffeegrain Sun 25-Dec-16 10:37:02

Lovemusic, hope you are ok today. My ds is really happy. I'm feeling really low and alone. Envious of big family get together. Just have to get through it..

Lovemusic33 Sun 25-Dec-16 21:24:44

I'm ok, it's been a tough day, I'm now sat on my own, my dc's are in bed, I can now stop pretending to be happy and merry.

A warrant is out for my ex's arrest, I was told he would be arrested last night but they were unable to find him, so I'm a little on edge, this is the first night I gave really spent on my own. I will take some sleeping tablets and sleep on the sofa, I'm finding it hard sleeping in my bed after dp left, I miss him even though he's a lier and a c**t.

I'm sorry you are feeling alone coffee sad, I'm glad your ds has had a good day, my dc's seem happy.

Coffeegrain Sun 25-Dec-16 22:03:15

I'm on my own too. Ds in bed. One comfort is I know I'm not alone in being on my own. It's very isolating. Why is your ex being arrested. ? I'm guessing tomorrow will be tough being on your own and with that hanging over you flowers

Lovemusic33 Mon 26-Dec-16 09:40:07

He was charged with Assault on me when he left sad, he has broken his bail conditions and continued to harass me, my mobile is now switched off as I don't know how to block him, he's not being aggressive, just begging and telling me he loves me, I do still love him but I can not forgive him. I still haven't had any news from the police, I slept ok after taking a second sleeping tablet but this morning I am feeling pretty rubbish. I have to take my dd's to see their dad today and he has kinda said I can stay with them so I don't have to be home alone. So another day of pretending all is ok, I so worried that all this will hit me like a ton of bricks once Christmas is over sad, I can feel it building up in my head.
I am meant to be starting training next week for a new job but I really don't think I can do it, I want to as it will be a start to a new chapter but my mental health is all over the place sad

Coffeegrain Tue 27-Dec-16 05:45:44

Love, I hope yesterday went ok for you.
Perhaps you could explain to someone at your new job what's happening as they may be supportive. The training may be a good distraction even though it might be tough. It sounds like a fresh start is just what you need.
I really hope you don't go back to your ex and fall in that trap. I've been in an abusive relationship and although hard it was the best thing I ever did getting out and I'm so pleased I did. He doesn't love you. He wouldn't have done what he did if he did.

Lovemusic33 Tue 27-Dec-16 14:19:50

Thank you coffee, finding things hard today, he has tried contacting me by text, whatsapp and email, begging me to take him back. I am a mess, I'm scared he will turn up here, I'm scared I will cave in. sad. My anxiety is so high that I took sleeping pills this morning in hope I would sleep all day, I have also taken a extra anti depressant. I'm still on edge.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent Wed 28-Dec-16 00:35:27

If you find this in the small hours...
People are thinking of you. What it is with some men to go cheating on their other half..... is really beyond me... and I am one of the stupid things.. I can't apologse on behalf of all malekind, but there are some good ones ..
Let us know how you are getting on...

Lovemusic33 Wed 28-Dec-16 13:21:44

Thank you itsnoteasy, I'm sure there must be some good men out there, this is the first time I have been cheated on and I never thought it would hurt this much, I thought he was 'the one' and I could never have looked at anyone else, he told me every day how much he loves me bed me. I'm still so angry and upset. I know in time it will get easier but I don't think I will trust again for a long time. I am struggling being on my own, I hate not having someone to cuddle up too in the evenings, I know this time I need to learn to be happy by myself before I even consider dating again but it would be so easy to cling on to yet another loser.

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