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Depressed. I don't know.

(5 Posts)
Dontwanttodoanything Sun 18-Dec-16 15:04:44

Namechanged. Im struggling all the time. House is a tip. Kids never stop whinging and arguing. Eldest refuses to tidy her room and it's filthy. She's cheeky all the time (pre-teen). DH does nothing. I'm always nagging at him. He hates it and responds with sighs. Says whatever he does is never good enough for me. Work is awful, been signed off due to work related stress. My dad died in March and I loved him so much. Friends are having stresses and bereavements of their own and I've been supporting them. They don't know how dark my own world is. I'm brilliant at smiling and laughing in public. I just want to run away. I have to get through the day and it's only 3pm. I can't bear the evenings. It's worse then. The house is a mess, kids and DH just leave stuff everywhere. Nothing gets put away. I can't say anything anymore because they say I'm always complaining. I just attempted tidying the living room but literally fell to my knees and cried. I feel hopeless, desperate. I sometimes feel like I can't breathe.i don't know how to make it better. I don't know if I've got the strength to work at it.

BetterEatCheese Sun 18-Dec-16 15:33:46

Oh that sounds awful, no wonder you are struggling if you have to bear the burden of all the housework and friends and family pressure, behaviour. Have you talked to your family about how you are feeling? Properly sit down and talk, maybe just to dh first?

dangermouseisace Sun 18-Dec-16 16:49:29

You do sound depressed. Are you getting any help from the GP apart from being signed off?

Have you tried having a family meeting to make it clear to everyone that you are struggling and the mess in the house is getting on top of you and adding to the stress you are already under, which is making you feel really down.

I've got a tactic with kids re tidying up that seems to work and reduces the 'complaining'. I tell them if they don't pick it up I'm going to put it in a bag- everyone's stuff in one bag. The bag then sits there for one evening. They have to sort out between themselves what is theirs and put it away. Anything left in the bag I assume they do not want and get rid of. I don't nag…I tell them the once that I'm going to put the stuff in the bag, and the once that the stuff is now in the bag and it will be disposed of tomorrow if it is not gone. Seems to work!

Likewise their bedrooms. They get warning that I am going in to hoover (usually a few days). Any mess left lying on the floor will be being disposed of. Funnily enough they suddenly regain the ability to put things away.

But seriously- it sounds like even if they did do that you would still be feeling crap. Maybe not quite so crap, but it sounds like you have a lot of stress,

Haggard1 Sun 18-Dec-16 17:02:37

Please see your GP of you haven't already. It sounds like you're still grieving and not giving yourself the space to do it. Perhaps if you could agree a couple of weeks with your DH where he can take over childcare and home for you to take time for yourself.

You might consider asking your doctor for a blood test too. My vitamin D was very low earlier in the year making me mentally and physically exhausted - which isn't conducive to looking after yourself.

Be kind to yourself. Things will get better, and remember at this time of year is very depressing anyway. flowers

Dontwanttodoanything Mon 19-Dec-16 00:25:19

Thank you for your replies. It's good to have some perspective. Sometimes I think I am just nagging...sometimes I think I should be over my dad's death, or that people think I should be. I've not not the energy to be authoritative with my kids and they're walking all over me. DH just doesn't really know how to deal with me.

I'll book a gp appointment this week. Thanks

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