Who to turn to when you have no one?

[Lovemusic33]

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety on and off for a year, mainly due to personal circumstances and things I feel are out of my control. My family are fed up of giving me advice, fed up of me being miserable and they tend to avoid me as much as possible, if I try and talk to them about my problems they change the subject because they don't want to hear it.
I feel I am reaching breaking point, I haven't got a clue what to do and I don't have anyone to talk too. I feel like taking the kids and running away, not coming back but I know that won't solve anything. I hate my kids seeing me like this . Over the past 3/4 months I have self medicated with prescription drugs (pain killers) to knock me out and as a way of self harm, I have taken Vallium which I bought illegally because my GP won't prescribe me anything to help me sleep. I feel bad for doing this but I feel if I don't I won't want to be here anymore. I have been to my GP 5 times and have been prescribed various different anti depressants but they just make me feel worse and I can't handle the side effects.
Today I feel awful, I'm scared to collect my youngest child from school, scared to bring her back here to see me like this, she has sn's and relies on me to do everything for her, I have no one to help . I don't know where to get help.

[imcrackingup]

I saw adverts for two phone lines on the wall of the gps surgery - one was called 'mind space' I think - can't remember the other -sorry. The reason I remember is they both seemed to offer similar things -which I think might be helpful to you. Sane also has a phone line and at a pinch you could phone the Samaritans and ask for advice.
Actually just looked on the NHS web site www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx
trying to find the name of the other one and there is a list.
They could help you today and probably point you in the right direction of getting the help you need - taking Valium won't help in the long run (as I think you probably know). It is highly addictive (my mum was on it for 30 yrs),. I was prescribed it after I was seriously ill as a stop gap and it made everything seem unreal, made me feel numb and calm but also meant I struggled more to everything (although it also meant I didn't really care about that...) but in the long run it didn't help, made things worse.
(also I was in hospital next to someone who was an alcoholic and had a vallium addiction - the dr stopped it - supposedly weaned her off it but she moved onto to heroin (her son was an addict) - she died of liver failure.)

[Lovemusic33]

Thank you, I will look at those, I feel like I need someone to talk too but my GP does not send me for cou calling, just dishes out ant depressants. I think Mind runs a drop in group near me so I might look into that as I'm not great talking on the phone.

I feel like I'm stuck in a situation that I can't get out of without hurting the people closest to me , I don't want to go into details but it's just a horrible situation and guilt is eating away at me from all directions. The fact that the situation has caused me to feel so low them makes me feel even more guilty as my kids have to see me like this. Vallium helps me shut off completely at night and leaves me with no side effects the next day, I was only taking it when I had gone 3 or 4 days without sleep, I am unable to get hold of anymore and I have gone a couple weeks without it but have been taking other perscription drugs occasionally to try and induce sleep ( sometimes I will take them during the day to knock me out when the kids are at school because I just can't handle be awake ).

[imcrackingup]

Try and get to that group if you can't face the phone - sometimes talking about things with someone who doesn't know you can really help.
(I have another thread where my 'counselling' is making me feel worse...but that's a bit different - and talking did help in the past!)

[Lovemusic33]

Stank you, I have had cou calling in the past but for anxiety rather than depression. I will try and get to the group and talk to someone. I will also go back to my GP and ask for more help, I can't carry on like this.

[Lovemusic33]

Thank you