Talking about it making me feel worse...

[imcrackingup]

I'm seeing a psychiatrist ...it is actual to get a diagnosis for ADHD. But every time I've been so far we talk about my depression. He said he wants to get my mood stable before anything else - I think he thinks I'm worse than I think.
I spend the time afterwards going through and thinking about what was said. I have been very up and down - was doing quite well then plummeted at the start of last week before my last visit, so I wasn't really in a good place.
He asked me if I had had any suicidal thoughts (I've been suicidal before) - I said without thinking 'I don't particularly want to live but I haven't been planning anything like I did before'
I keep thinking about that. I'm not suicidal (I didn't say I wanted to die) but that is a pretty messed up, sad thing to say/think. The fact I feel like that makes me feel sadder -more depressed. I keep telling myself that is the depression talking and I will get through this and it will get better...
I don't want to go back - I do want a diagnosis as it might help -but I don't think I want to talk about how I feel any more.
(When I was suicidal I spent every session crying, but never felt worse that I remember...I guess maybe I couldn't feel any worse)
I don't really cry etc currently -it is all very matter of fact.
Has anyone else had a similar experience to my current one and can tell me that it does get better with time - or should I tell him thinking about things is making me feel worse... and I don't want to talk about it?

[QueenMe]

Didn't want to read and run

Talking over things isn't for everyone and it can be very emotionally and physically draining. I found counselling made me worse.

I don't know what to advise but yes-certainly- with the right help/support/medication for you then you can and will feel better

[imcrackingup]

Thanks.
Did you just stop the counselling?
I do want a diagnosis for ADHD (if I can get one) cos I think that will help with the depression so I don't want to just not go back. I think I would otherwise.
I think I have to tell him how I feel ... I haven't got my next appt yet -it will be in a few weeks. Just wondering how that will go down -if he will think I'm not serious or something.

[QueenMe]

Yes I stopped counselling.
I had to stop going over and over every word that was said in my mind. I had to let myself switch off and relax and concentrate on getting better.
For me counselling made me feel on edge and that I was searching for answers and looking into things too much.
For me dissecting emotions and words is too stressful and exhausting and unnecessary.

But I'm sure counselling also helps lots of people. My opinion is that you have to be in the right frame of mind for it and while I was depressed wasn't the time to bring up emotions and difficulties for me

[OurMiracle1106]

I spent a long period in counselling and it is very draining. I found I got worse before I got better. It's opening old painful wounds but for me it was like squeezing out the poison hidden underneath and allowed me to heal

[QueenMe]

Agree with ourmiracle in that it can allow you to heal and for some people it works.

Can you discuss this with your gp? Someone who knows your history will be better placed to advise

[imcrackingup]

My GP is very sympathetic but has kind of handed me over to the psychiatrist so I would feel odd going back- and they don't know me that well -at least my mental health as I was suicidal a long time ago. There are lots of GPs at our practice so this is a newish one (although I spent several weeks seeing them weekly over a physical problem recently and kind of feel I've taken up enough of their time).
It is the constant going over things in my head - my brain hurts.
Most of the hard emotional stuff I went over when I was suicidal. Eg I moved on from my problems with my mother and a difficult childhood -have accepted it. Other stuff has happened since and I am dealing with it -slowly -things like grief over a relative's death I think just take time, talking doesn't help.
I think I get into an emotional mess because I find it hard to deal with day to day life (ADHD) and then I beat myself up and feel like I am constantly failing -everything and everyone.

[AnxiousCarer]

Hi, I'm just starting seeing a psychologist, he has told me to expect the treatment to be emotionally hard going and for things to feel worse before they feel better. I think its to do with opening up old wounds to allow them to heal properly. He's also told me that participation is completely optional (although if I don't participate he won't be able to tream me. Have you explained to your psychologist how itvis making you feel?

[imcrackingup]

Next time I see him I think I will say that I am finding it tough. And see what he says.
I am completely honest - I know there is no point not being.
I just had to google the difference between a psychologist and psychiatrist. I think I saw a psychologist before. Anyway not much apparently I think apart from the first can do mental tests and the second can prescribe drugs. I don't think it is a different approach that is causing the difference, just maybe I am not as bad as before.
And I think I need to distract myself - stop going over everything word for word in my head. I think I got so bad before because before I got help I thought too much.
Problem with that is I can't concentrate on anything so find myself playing solitaire and thinking...

[AnxiousCarer]

Sorry I get psychiatrist and psychologist mixed up too. Mines a psychologist, I've never seen a psychiatrist so can't compare.