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14yr old addmition

(10 Posts)
Lifeisshort123 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:50:43

My 14yr old DD has anorexia and my worst nightmare for her has come true. She's being admitted to an eating disorder clinic as she has a strong fear of unhealthy foods and if she eats over 1.5k calories she will get very upset. She's lost 2 stone in 6 months and there was no other choice. I feel awful as she knows we are going to the hospital (inpatient ward) it's a 2 hour drive but she thinks it's a check up and a talk. I was told not to tell her as it will be far to distressing. I have a large suitcase full of clothes, a note and picture of her brothers and sister and her teddy she's had from birth. I doubt I'll be able to visit more than once every two weeks and I feel like a failure. She's allowed to bring electronics with her even though the time spent on these is monitored. I've been given a structure of her day which isn't to bad but she's going to fall so behind on her eduction as her school day is 2.5 hours long instead of 8 hours. sad
I feel like she'll hate me forever for leaving her there and DS who's 17 and very close to DD is refuses to talk to me and called me a 'fat bitch' for leaving her in an inpatient unit..
Am I an awful mother and will she hate me forever?
I really need some advice, a pm from anyone who has had a child admitted into an ED or MH clinic or have been in one themselves. I feel awful for not telling her where she is going but I've been told it's for the best, is that right?😔😪
Any help and support is so helpful to me at this time.😔

Lifeisshort123 Sun 20-Nov-16 21:51:26

Admission* sorry for the awful spelling, I'm not in a great position right now.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm Sun 20-Nov-16 21:53:47

Oh my. I didn't want to read and run - you're doing the very best thing possible for your DD, even if she can't/won't see it right now. Have a hand hold and flowers

OohhThatsMe Sun 20-Nov-16 21:57:29

Oh you poor thing. You're absolutely doing the right thing. Your son doesn't understand properly - you'll need to stress what the doctors have said.

flowers

Wolfiefan Sun 20-Nov-16 22:01:00

It might end up being the start of her getting well rather than your worst nightmare. I really hope it is. flowers
You are completely not a failure. You are a parent who just wants to keep her child safe and healthy. That's a good parent.
They have told you not to tell her so don't. They are the professionals. Take the advice.
I'm an ex teacher but I would say her physical and mental health is way more important than getting x number of hours schooling a day.

Lifeisshort123 Sun 20-Nov-16 22:02:06

I know DS can't fully understand why I'm doing what I'm doing but I'd hate for him to hate me aswell. 😔
He's very close with DD and I know he'll miss her an awful lot but I'm hoping he will be allowed to text her and speak to her on the phone ect. I've told him all about why it's the best place for her but he just got angry at me and hasn't spoken to me for the past 8 hours, it's added stress that right now I can't deal with.😔
I hope your right about the fact that what I am doing is the right think thank you for the support.x

Lifeisshort123 Sun 20-Nov-16 22:02:57

I hope I am and thanks for the support.x

Lifeisshort123 Sun 20-Nov-16 22:09:07

I hope it's the start of her getting well too. It's my worst nightmare as it's all to real for me as my sister developed anorexia when she was 19 and refused to be admitted and passed away from it at just 4 stone.😪
I'd love her to pass atleast 5/6 GCSE's especially Maths, English and Science as it will enable her to get a good job but I totally agree with your last point her mental and physical health is more important sadflowers

dangermouseisace Mon 21-Nov-16 10:08:41

You are not a bad mother you are a great mother.

I was admitted to an inpatient ward, but I'd already got into a terrible state due to my parents not actually noticing that I wasn't eating- it was about a year before I got help.

You will get some backlash. I remember the first time my parents came to visit me and I just sat with my back to them, crying, and refused to talk to them. When I spoke to them on the phone all I would do was beg them to take me home. It must have been awful for them. If they hadn't taken me there I would have died though. It sounds like your daughter hasn't gone ridiculously far (yet) by the time I and my fellow anorexics there got admitted we were at deaths door (literally)- an apple and a cup a soup a day and our behaviours were so ingrained they took a very long time to give up. Some didn't give it up, and are sadly no longer here.

Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of all the mental illnesses so is not to be messed around with. The fact they've got your daughter before she's got to the stage where eating more than 400 calories a day is unacceptable means that she's got a much better chance of getting better- it sounds like the support has improved greatly since I was ill. Her education would suffer more if she was allowed to continue being anorexic and go to school. Her brain would stop working properly anyway and she wouldn't be able to concentrate. Out of those I knew in the inpatient unit that are still here (most of us!) everyone went to university, all have careers etc despite that period of having a small amount of schooling. There is always the opportunity to catch up later, and she'll find it so much easier if she's not wasting her time thinking about food and how to avoid it. There are lots of people out there who do their schooling a little later for a massive variety of reasons. FE colleges are full of them!

FWIW despite me being really pissed off at my parents they did completely the right thing, I just wished I got help sooner. If my daughter was in the same position as yours I would do the same, without so much as a second thought. It's much better getting help from people who aren't your parents as they are not emotionally attached to the child, can't be negotiated with, and have the stamina to deal with what is a very draining condition, because they get to go home at the end of the day.

dangermouseisace Mon 21-Nov-16 10:12:19

sorry OP just read the bit about your sister- I'm so sorry that she passed away. You must know, deep down, that what you are doing is truly the right thing flowers

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