Can't take any more :(

[Stressedsobadly]

I'm stressed out so much. Everything just feels so hard.

I'm currently off work on sick leave as it was making me stressed out and giving me nightmares. I deal with child sex abuse. GP says stress, anxiety and depression, possibly PTSD also.

Husband has gone away on work business for a few days and I am struggling with the Kids and running the house and even the smallest task feels like the hardest thing.

I've had suicidal thoughts recently and they feel like they're starting to come back.

Family aren't interested really. They know what's going on with me and still don't offer help or anything. They think bunches of flowers help rather than taking the Kids for an hour or two so DH and I can have some alone time.

I don't think I can cope and I need someone just to hold my hand or something right now but I'm alone and just told DH to piss off when he called as he's about to go on a work meal and for drinks and I'm just here feeling like shit :(

[fruitbats]

Hi Stressed I don't have much advice but I can listen and hand hold until someone wise comes along.
How old are DC?

[Stressedsobadly]

Thank you. They're 5 and 4. I think I am beyond help at the moment. All my psychologist says is that all my thoughts are wrong and I make assumptions rather than see the truth which isn't helping as I just feel shitter and shitter and now I don't even want to be here

[fruitbats]

They must be hard work at that age. Many many years ago, i struggled with a lot of shit going on and a young toddler. My GP advised me to forget the housework. It wasn't important and would still be there another day. Have you tried talking to the Samaritans?

[fruitbats]

You are never beyond help. You just need someone to give you a helping hand. You won't feel like this forever

[fruitbats]

I know it will sound a bit ridiculous but have you tried just asking your family for help?

[Stressedsobadly]

It's really hard :( I haven't but I will look into the samaritans. I can't even think straight it's like there's too many thoughts in my head :(

[PrettyLittleBrownEyedMe]

That sounds really tough. As your work is in such a sensitive area, do they supply a counselling helpline or other way of 'offloading' a bit in an impersonal way? It definitely sounds as if you need a way to get all the awful stuff you've dealt with out of your system as far as possible.

If your family bother with bunches of flowers presumably they do care and want the best for you, so could it just be that you need to prod them a little bit to offer more practical help? could you just say to them 'I'm really struggling, it would be wonderful if you could do xyz on Saturday for me please'? It may be that they just don't know exactly what to do to help you.

While DH is away try to think of some small treats just for you that would be a comfort in a minor way (be kind to yourself), and don't take on too much. If you can just keep on top of crucial DC-related things, that's quite good enough. for you this evening.

[PrettyLittleBrownEyedMe]

Sorry x-posted

[fruitbats]

Oh yes. I hadn't noticed your job. That is really tough. It's not surprising you feel so overwhelmed

[fruitbats]

I don't want to bombard you with questions, but have you been given any medication to help you?

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
Sending kindest kindest wishes

[Stressedsobadly]

Thanks Pretty that's nice of you.

I guess it's probably part of my issues but I don't ask family for help as I think that if they were bothered about seeing the kids then they would come when the kids weren't at school or they'd offer. My dad goes weeks without seeing them. My parents only live ten mins away.

I'm on anti depressants but I'm still not 'right'. My job are the ones who have sent me to the psychologist. I think he's trying to do CBT with me but I don't know if I'm ready for that, I think I'm too low for it to work properly right now.

I'm doing the bare minimum for the children and I feel like I'm failing them as I just can't make myself be what a mum is right now :(

[Stressedsobadly]

Someone reported me to MN. I am genuine but name changed as post is potentially very outing and on my normal name I have stuff I wouldn't want work to know about and would defo confirm who I am if someone saw this then that.

[fruitbats]

You just need to keep them warm, fed and safe Stressed for now. And make some time for yourself. When will DH be home?

[fruitbats]

Stressed I reported the post. Not because of any suspicions - I just asked them to post the link to the Samaritans as I didn't know how. I hope I haven't offended you. Sorry if I have

[fruitbats]

I have recently name changed myself. I wouldn't worry about that

[PrettyLittleBrownEyedMe]

I'm so sorry you feel so low. I'd give good money that you're not failing the children. I'm sure you are still showing love to them and making sure they're warm, fed, clean and 'organised'. That's really all that counts, especially in the short term.

Tell the psychologist exactly what you're feeling and what you would like him to do to help you. If he's trying CBT, ask what he thinks you might get out of it and tell him why you think it's not for you at the moment. Having a clearer conversation will be helpful for you both.

With regard to your family, why not give them the chance to help you? Could it be that you have a history of not asking so now they are just not in the habit? As I said, they must care to get you flowers so they might jump at the chance to do something specific. Or what about friends? People so often are desperate to help if they only knew how to go about it.

[marthastew]

I am sorry that you are feeling like this. Homestart really helped me when my family weren't able to provide any support. The two hours a week that they come to my house gives me a break and someone friendly to chat to. Your GP or HV can refer you. It's not proper MH care but might help you feel more supported. I hope you feel better soon.

[marthastew]

How are you feeling today op?

[PrettyLittleBrownEyedMe]

Good morning op, I also woke up wondering how you are and if things feel just a little brighter and more manageable this morning.

[fruitbats]

Stressed I am very sorry if I put you off your own thread. I was trying to help but it seems I did the wrong thing. I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.