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What is wrong with me.....(17 Posts)
I am a single mum thats really really struggling right now. I have been feeling crappy for a couple years now but it just seems to get worse rather than better.....
Recently all I seem to do is scream, shout + cry. My kids behaviour tips me over the edge + I know it's not their fault but silly little things like emptying a toy box + refusing to tidy up when done sends me completely over the edge.
After a day of a 2yr old throwing tantrum after tantrum, numerous trips to the naughty step, sent to bed, even a tattoo thw nappy + just constant moaning. My kids (2+4) wrecked their room tonight, I mean to the point of mattresses + bed guards thrown, not a toy left in the toy box, pen up the wall the works! + no matter how many times I asked them to help tidy it, they point blank refused, I then noticed a money bank my son had made a couple years ago, smashed into peices on the floor.... I broke! I screamed, not even any words, just screamed + then literally broke down into tears, all I kept thinking was 'i really can't do this' i literally sat + howled in my room for an hour. Then marched the kids out + up to their dad's.... So I'm now sitting with some free time tidying up for the millionth time today, howling my eyes out. This isn't the first time this has happened, I've had numerous doctors trips + just get the 'they are just boys, they will grow out of it + u will survive, bla bla bla bla" I've even been to see a councillor which more or less says the same apart from an added 'get more free time" How!?!? They are both in nursery as much as they possibly can be with my budget, every member of my family work full-time, they see their dad weekly..... I'm stuck! I feel horrible! I cannot cope with my own children to the point of I howl over a broken piggy bank 😞 help me!?
* tap to the nappy* NOT tattoo the nappy haha. + before u all start I know this isn't right, but it had got to the point I felt nothing else was working, I felt that everything was completely out of my control + had to try fix it... And in all fairness that didn't even help matters!
Hi, I don't have kids yet, so can't really comment from that respect. It sounds really tough at the moment. Has your GP ever suggested medication? I've suffered with depression and can relate to crying at little things and not being able to stop.
I'm sure those with kids who can relate better will be along soon.
You poor thing. Having kids can be incredibly stressful and I don't think it's acknowledged enough. It's OK to find it hard. Don't beat yourself up. You sounds stressed to bits. I have 2 kids and they have driven me to the brink and back again.
I would recommend seeing another doctor. Fobbing you off is not good enough and saying "boys will be boys" is just wrong. Good luck and I hope you get the help you need. You sound really distressed.
I had medication, but it didn't make a difference so I was taken off + then just fobbed off with the "u just need help" Yeh no shit!
My pair certainly know how to push all my bottoms, I used to be able to cope really well, it would take a hell of alot for me to snap.... These days i break down over the silliest of things... Everytime I break I.pgone the doctors or councillor + get the usual crap... Like tomorrow morning I'll no doubt phone, get told I need a break + that will be it,.... Feels like I'm screaming for helping + no one is listening.
Maybe everything has now caught up with you? I've got three and two have serious Sen and it's exhausting. I often reach the end of my tether and it's normally over something silly. How much time are they with their dad? I find kids tend to strike when they know we're at our lowest. You're doing a great job and it must be hard doing it alone.
I remember a very similar stage when mine were 2 and 6. Honestly though it really does get easier. Could you do a stress management course? Most of us need help to manage stress better, I know I did back then
The stay with dad every 2nd weekend + go for tea twice a week. Which is great but usually by these times I'm that fed up + have a million + one things to do I never actually get any 'me' time to destress.
I would love to be able to do something like stress management but courses or anything is near impossible as I've barely any free time during the day, it's very rare that both are away in the daytime.
Contact your health visitor, she can help you put boundaries in place, tell her of your struggles and she can help advise on your situation. It's what she is there for.
Important to remember children do misbehave and likewise they learn from their environment so you must learn to control your temper otherwise they will not learn to manage their own.
When children misbehave you need to put consequences in place, you might know that but are you doing it? Tonight you only lost your temper and that's not a consequence - only a damaging reaction.
Tell someone what's going on in RL
We have naughty step + after so many trips there it's sent to bed to calm down..... But even that doesn't seem to be making a dent in anything. I know they are just kids and it's kind of their job to push boundaries, I know it's me that needs to learn to deal with it better but it feels like no matter how many times I ask for help i never seem to get anywhere. The numerous times I've been to a doctor a health visitor has been told to get in contact + I think I've seen them once,.... And that was purely because my sons development review thing was due anyway.
Thank u all so much, this little rant has really helped my mood tonight. I will be contacting my doctor + councillor in the morning,... See if I can get any further forward this time round.
Could sure start help? I'm not sure what they actually do but could get some support or advice?
A 2 and 4 year old is hard work. Any time at nursery at all? Eg eldest getting free hours? What does nursery suggest?
Maybe a parenting course could suggest some strategies? I'm not being patronising!!! Promise! Time out would NOT work with my youngest at all. It just wouldn't.
It's hard. It's ok to say it's hard. You do need RL support.
I agree that parenting course might help. I went on a positive parenting thing- called the nurturing program (google it). It was really good- laid out what could be expected at each age, and positive reinforcement- e.g. time out (from good stuff) not a naughty step/being sent to bed. If you can't do the course I would recommend getting the book- it is literally my bible!!
It really helped me know what to expect behaviour wise, and how to manage it. With a 2 and 4 year old they wouldn't be able to tidy their room themselves- they would need help and guidance throughout. FWIW my kids behaviour is worse if I am 'wobbly'. If you're not feeling great yourself they will pick up on it, feel insecure and act up, and then it gets into a cycle of crap.
good advice above. im pretty sure childrens centres (surestart as was) still offer support, creches etc for 2-5 year olds so on a practical level you could get more time without them plus they get to socialise. quite a few offer parenting classes- under a number of different names- too.
hope you can get some local support
Oh OP 2 small DC is really not easy especially when you don't have much help
I don't really have any advice but I've been there and it does get easier. It took years for it to be easier for me (I wouldn't ask for help more than couldn't ask but I didn't realise at the time).
FWIW time out never worked for either DC. With DC1 it was not allowing outside play and with DC2 it was taking away a toy or TV.
Do you work outside the home? It helped my sanity when the DC were small. I was basically working to cover childcare but it helped to get out of the house.
I've been waiting to hear about a course but finally heard back this week, only for it to be available the one day I have literally no child care what so ever.... Which isn't helpful in the slightest!! I also called my doctor + councillor + surprise surprise I'm waiting atleast a month for an appointment.
This week has just went from bad to worse, me in meltdown central + then a hospital trip with DS2 with a nasty gash to the head (I now officially hate fireplaces!!!!), after some lovely stitches he's back to his usual fearless self which is bringing my anxiety levels waaaaaay up worrying about him knocking his head again or bursting stitches etc etc.... Plus this also means no nursery so very little calm down time so it's all go!
Thank u all so much for ur kind + helpful words! It's nice to know I'm not alone + there are people nice enough to support a stranger even if it is just with a randum comment on a thread x
Is there a homestart in your area? My mum has been a volunteer for several years- supporting families who need it for a variety of reasons. They visit each week, are trained and all have been parents themselves.
I think you can self refer, or HV would be able to
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