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Depression and exhaustion?

(10 Posts)
OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 11:38:34

So I'm bloody depressed again, have been since August. I still function but everything is such hard work.

I cleaned downstairs on Monday and cooked dinner. Put up Halloween decorations for the children and made things a bit spooky. Costumes and masks and stuff.

Yesterday I did six loads of washing (vomiting toddler) and cooked dinner again.

Today I've tided downstairs again, done three loads of washing and now I'm facing the school/nursery run this evening and cooking dinner.

I run my own business, but I'm taking a break (been off two weeks).

DH says I'm not right in the head, I need ADs. I had SJS from Zoloft in 2014, I'm a bit scared of them.

I'm tired, I want to go to bed. But that is not right in the head. He was asleep on the sofa this morning having a cat nap. But everything is my fault. I blame him for everything.

I've asked for marriage counselling for a month, but it's not him. It's me. I wanted him to chose someone so I couldn't be blamed, his choice would mean I wasn't blamed.

I know I'm very depressed, I'm dragging myself through life. I'm probably not fun to be around.

I have tonsillitis too, I just want a rest. I want to go to bed but 'how much sleep does a person need?'. His question? I had six hours yesterday. I've probably had 30 in the last two weeks.

My answer, about 12 hours uninterrupted.

I know I'm depressed and a bore, but mania isn't fun. Just dirty and high, but not fun.

I'm bipolar I and only on lithium.

BecauseIamaBear Wed 02-Nov-16 12:00:08

Oh you poor soul..

If you are a manic depressive like me, life can be pretty difficult. Don't forget the clocks just went back and that does have an effect on your mood. Had I a magic want I would wave it at everyone and make us all feel wonderful. Sadly I don't have one se we just have to keep going on. .

What is your business?

OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 12:40:19

I'm a forensic investigator, sounds exciting but isn't really. I usually work 9 months a year, I earn more than my husband and pay a lot more into childcare and mortgage. I just have to push on. Push, push, push until I crack.

Can we invent the wand? It'd be worth a fortune wink

I just feel like my MH issue is a tag for everything I do wrong. If I was a 'normal' there wouldn't be any blame. But labels stick better don't they?

Hugs to a fellow manic depressive, it's a gift and a curse. I'd still rather have it though. It helps me do my job, My obsessive tendencies work well. I just hate the fact that those who know can pin my behaviour down to a label rather than it just being me. If a 'normal' person took to bed with tonsillitis they'd just be ill and not questioned. I feel like everything I do is a sign of my MH issues (although I admit I'm run down and depressed). Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it!

I really just want to hide under the duvet for a couple of days, but no chance of that.

AnxiousCarer Wed 02-Nov-16 13:39:55

I can totally relate no wanting 12 hours sleep from time to time and thats when I'm well! 6 hours I would struggle to function and even regular 8 hours is a push for me. Maybe a hood sleep would help a lot.

AnxiousCarer Wed 02-Nov-16 13:40:11

A good sleep

OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 14:59:12

Thank you, DH is one of those people who thinks five hours a night is normal.

I'm sure a couple of good sleeps would make me feel a little better. But no, he wakes me at 5:30am.

He didn't realise the clocks had changed this weekend so got up at 4:30. I'm at my wits end. The children would sleep until 8 at weekends. If I went to bed then I could sleep for a good long time, but no...he's crashing and banging about at 5. The kids sleep through it (mostly) but I don't. I've even moved to another room but he'll come in and try to discuss what is for dinner???

He thinks it's acceptable to call people at 8am on Sunday morning so it's not just me who is tortured.

I really need sleep for my MH, it's just a fact. Not my being lazy. I do 80% of the housework and 70% of the earning. He says I'm lazy because I usually break from work from late October until January (covering the children's holidays). I work long hours (can be 20 hours a day if on a big job) and use that as downtime.

MagicChanges Wed 02-Nov-16 19:23:30

Oh god it sounds like your DH is as much a problem as your bipolar. Your description of what you've done these last few days (with depression) has made me tired just reading it! He sounds utterly insensitive and unsuppotive. Has he any idea at all of the struggle that is your life - well NO because he say you're lazy...............does he have any good points and do you get any RL support from anyone else family/friends.

I have a diagnosis of recurring depressive disorder which can last for weeks on end and all I want to do is sleep or just stay under the duvet - it's just that it's slightly less painful to withdraw from the world. Can you try taking to your bed for a good sleep - he'd have to cope if you weren't there wouldn't he.

OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 20:42:31

I even did a 700 mile round trip on Saturday. I'm like the walking dead. But hey I do it with aplomb. There is a dress and a lipstick for every occasion. We get good a hiding stuff us lot. You learn to drag yourself about while dead inside.

I have no idea how I did it aside from it was a close friend who needed my support after a tragic SU death.

Husband is the only person who knows the real full truth (aside from MH professionals).

He honest to God thinks I'm being lazy if I take to my bed. I have no idea how I'm still upright. I'd probably do away with myself if it wasn't for my very young children. I'd not, I've seen the consequences of that this weekend and I don't need the Samaritans number.

He couldn't be bothered to find a marriage guidance counsellor today. I think deep down he knows that I'm taking a large burden and MH issues on top, I think that anyone would see it.

I'm scared to divorce in case they use my history against me. SH and SU attempts, although nothing since 2014.

I just want to hide in bed. He is cross that I didn't make dinner (we had stuff to reheat from yesterday). No one starved, there was a choice of pasta, rice or roast dinner.

I just lie in bed at night and cry silent tears. I'm dead inside, but I managed to shower and blow dry my hair today. The effort was enormous. Everything just seems so bloody hard but I have to keep going for the children. I can't let them down again, they are old enough to know mummy is sick now, I can't get sectioned again. It's hard sad

OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 21:20:18

P.S. Thanks Magic

OhThatThingAgain Wed 02-Nov-16 21:30:25

Thanks to you too Anxious, I need sleep. It's a major issue for me. I wish I could get a straight 12 hours, it would help a lot.

My psychiatrist says I need regular sleep patterns, I smile and nod. Yes, it's regularly 5 hours confused

I wish I could just run away to a hotel for a couple of days!

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