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I just need to feel better. Can anyone give me some hope?

(9 Posts)
ppandj Wed 02-Nov-16 10:44:50

I am pregnant with my second baby and have an 18mo DS. I love him so much but can feel myself disconnecting from everyone. My DP is useless at emotional support and can be really insensitive but I do have my mum to talk to and some lovely friends.
I feel worse when tired and DS sleeps terribly despite all sorts of action from us. I work part time and feel it's starting to affect that too. I feel
Horribly guilty about how I feel because other people have such terrible things going on and I am really lucky. I have a GP appointment on Friday. Please can someone say they have been through this and it got better? I just feel so alone.

AliceInHinterland Wed 02-Nov-16 10:54:25

Having a toddler and being heavily pregnant is really bloody hard, totally physically exhausting. I'm now finding it hard with a toddler a little baby but I know that when I get more sleep I will feel better. Honestly 18m is still young to be sleeping reliably. It will get better, and you are definitely not alone, there are thousands of us!

ppandj Wed 02-Nov-16 11:00:58

Thanks Alice. I just feel like a crap mum and feel so down on myself.

ppandj Wed 02-Nov-16 11:01:51

Alice have you had any help? If so what did they offer you? I just don't know what to expect on Friday.

AliceInHinterland Wed 02-Nov-16 11:32:27

I had some counselling when I was pregnant due to stress, and I have been umm-ing and ahh-ing about it recently. At the moment I'm waiting to see if the sleep situation improves first.
I do still get a lot of bad mum guilt but it's getting better as I can see being part of a bigger family is good for my toddler, though I found the very early days difficult - lots of catastrophic thinking like 'I've ruined his life'!
In my area at least they prioritise pregnant women and new mums. I'm sure it's different for each GP but I would be prepared with what you think you need.
Do you need to talk through anything, do you want medication? My past experience is also that they are likely to talk about your lifestyle, whether you get any exercise and time for yourself. These questions are annoying when you barely feel able to get through the day, but they are valid.

AliceInHinterland Wed 02-Nov-16 11:35:05

I would say I feel emotionally a lot better now at 5 months by the way, just still very very tired and need a lot of support. Now is the time to start warming your partner up to exactly what you will need from him. Toddler bedtimes and nightwaking, dinner cooked for you, taking both children out at once so you can have a bath without listening out fir crying, etc etc etc.

ppandj Wed 02-Nov-16 12:02:53

I think I am going to ask for anti-depressants but am nervous of this while pregnant. I don't know whether they will start me on them. I have also booked some hypnotherapy for next week as this has helped me relax in the past. I used to work in talking therapies so have been trying to use those techniques and I do think I will try to access counselling in the future. I wanted a girl this time and it's another boy, I know I will adore him as I do DS so I feel very guilty for feeling that I wanted a girl. My plan is to seek counselling regarding my issues around wanting a girl. I know I will love my boys but this has added to all the guilt.

DP was generally very supportive until recently. He has a hobby he is passionate about and because he is stressed as well he has been wanting to go and do this hobby more to unwind. I need his help here at home and there is resentment building between us because of this. I have been telling him what I need but he hasn't been great at supporting me of late. In fact last night he said "I need you to get better so I can have a life again", which obviously made me feel even worse. He takes antidepressants himself and has his own issues.

BecauseIamaBear Wed 02-Nov-16 12:07:16

Pretty much what Alice said..

All I can do is offer big (virtual) hugs... Don't want your hubby giving me a black eye shock..

AliceInHinterland Wed 02-Nov-16 12:17:07

I think it's the having young children that's compromising his ability to 'have a life' rather than you. At least he has the potential to be supportive though, could it be a phase? My mum always tells me that I can't expect my partner to be like a female friend emotionally, but practically he needs to be there.
I don't know much about antidepressants while pregnant - hopefully your GP will!
Hypnotherapy sounds good, I've had some success with mp3s in the past.
Regarding the sex of the baby, all my friends who have been through the same have admitted the same - it's common for women to want daughters and feel a kind of grief for that connection. I wonder if that's one thing that will work itself out over time, when you have a real warm squidgy baby boy to hold.

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