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Second baby 2 weeks old. Crippling anxiety. Anyone any advice?

(5 Posts)
Hopelass Sun 30-Oct-16 10:55:59

DS2 is 2.5 weeks old. I also have DS1 who is 3 and on the whole accepting his little brother very well. DH is around a lot at the moment and is fantastic at helping me. He is only working 3 days a week for the next 4 weeks to help me out and my mum lives 5 mins away.
I have long standing anxiety and depression and am on Sertraline 50mg daily with a GP appointment tomorrow when I hope to increase to. 100mg.
Apologies for the essay just don't want to drip feed.
I cannot shake the horrible anxiety through. I had it with DS1 and can't remember how long it lasted for. It's a feeling that I've ruined our little family and I'm not going to cope when DH goes back to work full time. I'm doing all the nights with DS2 and DH takes the kids for 3 hours in the morning for me to sleep. I wake up feeling sick when I remember I now have two children to cope with (despite having DH here). I want to run away. I hate feeling like this and can't stop crying.
Thank you if you've got this far, I'd be so grateful for any advice.....

PlugUgly1980 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:16:03

Talk to your GP or HV. I know that's easy to say, buy I suffered terrible anxiety after my 10 month old had a series of hospital stays, and this anxiety crippled my second pregnancy and first few months of DC2's life. I had no idea how I would cope after DH went back to work. I was so anxious even on the maternity ward that they referred me to the Mental Health team before I was discharged, and two lovely counsellors came to see me. I was horrified at the time as I was so scared they thought I was a danger to newborn DC2, but they didn't and they arranged for an urgent referral for me to have weekly counselling. I'm a bit of a cynic about talking therapy but it really helped, and after the first few months I went on to thoroughly enjoy my maternity leave, far more than I did with DC1. The mix of existing anxiety and hormones post birth is awful, be kind to yourself. Don't set unrealistic expectations. I forced myself to go to all the baby groups first time round and hated it, second time round I only did stuff that made me happy, so lots of long walks with baby in pram, chilling in front of day time tv without feeling guilty about it, and picking and choosing who to meet up with...doing what I wanted rather than forcing myself to do what I thought I should be doing really helped me feel more relaxed and in control generally. Ignore other people's helpful advice if it doesn't suit you (my SIL suffered anxiety and depression but had very different coping strategies to me so couldn't understand why I didn't want to be pushed into doing coffee dates and going to groups with her, she thought it meant I was really struggling, in reality I was much happier doing what I felt comfortable doing), what works for one person won't for another and there's nothing wrong with that. Also I found the thought of DH going back to work was actually far worse than the reality. Can you put DC1 in childcare or get someone to help so you have some time to focus on DC2, might help? Thinking of you as it was a horrible time for me, but with help I did get better, and only suffer occasional bouts now.

Hopelass Sun 30-Oct-16 11:23:37

Thank you so much plug a lot of what you say resonates with me. I had PND with DS1 and as you said it made me a lot happier doing what I wanted to (also long walks and no baby groups!)
It really helps that you've reminded me how it did get better last time. I'll ask the GP about counselling. I'm also a bit cynical. I've had counselling in the past and CBT but perhaps need a refresher.
It also helps you saying the reality of DH going back to work wasn't as bad as the thought of it. I have got 2 days a week of childcare for DS1 and my mum nearby which is a lot more than some people have and why I feel like a fraud and I should be able to cope and not be wallowing in the anxious feelings like I have been doing.
Ooof it's so hard!! I hate it.

PlugUgly1980 Sun 30-Oct-16 11:41:52

It's is so hard! I'll be honest I kept DC1 in nursery whilst on mat leave a) because she loved it but b) because I had no idea at all how I would cope with two. Definitely get your mum to help out. Some days just knowing my MIL was at home and on 'stand by' to come round if I needed also helped me feel better about being on my own, but it gave me the space to build up my confidence without having her there all the time. But it gets easier! I do remember feeling so proud of myself the first day I'd had a full day on my own with them both and it was a huge confidence boost after I'd worried myself sick about how I'd cope. What surprised me was DC1 who is 2.5 is often much better behaved when it's just me and her baby brother and loves helping me, so now I sometimes find days where it's just the three of us easier than when other people are around! I really believe the fear is far worse than the reality.

Hopelass Sun 30-Oct-16 11:49:55

flowers thank you so much your posts have really helped give me hope!!
I think sometimes even knowing you aren't the only one feeling the same way helps. I'm already a lot calmer. Thank you again smile

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