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Attachment disorder in teenagers??

(7 Posts)
PocketRocket55 Tue 25-Oct-16 23:42:39

Does anyone know if its possible for an adult or older teenager to have a form of attachment disorder that involves being too attached to people???
I am a foster carer and one of my fc (late teens) is overly attached to me to the point of attacking my other fc if I give them any attention or affection (hugs, kisses etc)

I won't go into more details for fear of being outed

Waiting for Camhs referral but its taking forever as usual sad

Kr1stina Tue 25-Oct-16 23:53:20

It doesn't sounds like attachment disorder to me TBH. Though it's obviously very inappropriate and controlling behaviour . And it's unusual for RAD to suddenly manifest in someone who has been fine until late teens .

How long has this young person been with you ? I'm guessing it's a while because of their age . Has this behaviour been going on long ?

As you know, you can't allow your others FCS to be attacked by someone else in the family, especially as they are ( I assume) older and bigger.

What does your support worker or the FCs SW suggest ?

ImperialBlether Wed 26-Oct-16 00:03:17

That's not an attachment disorder, OP. I'm glad you're getting help for him. You should speak to his social worker and your other FC's social workers (if different) as your home might not be the best place for him.

PocketRocket55 Wed 26-Oct-16 00:30:01

Thanks for replies - Fc has been with us for nearly a year. The behavior started about 3 months after they arrived. I have spoken to both sw's numerous times but they normally give the same reason that we need to wait for Camhs and there's nothing we can do until there's a diagnosis

We are currently only managing with the extra respite that has been put in place. Problem is that fc is initially twice as awful when they come back because I've taken other fc out to cinema/for meals etc and they haven't been included. I try to treat other fc when "problem" fc is away to make up for some of the agro they go through when that person is here

Fc has an explosive temper and can be fine one moment and then be screaming the place down 2 mins later over the smallest thing. Yesterday it was because they weren't allowed a specific bar of chocolate that my dh had bought for his own lunch

Kr1stina Wed 26-Oct-16 08:06:37

It sounds awful for you and your others kids :-(

I think SW are playing for time, as getting a diagnosis won't automatically make your life any easier. And if CAHMS don't know what the problem is , you will just get some General label like ODD. Or worse still, they will tell you it will " calm down in time when they are settled " .

Is FC is full time education and how are they there ? If they are NOT behaving like this at school / college andwith their friends , then it's NOT that's they can't control their anger.

If they are only doing it at home, then it's a learned behavauour that they are fully in control of, they are doing it to control others.

Think of all the threads on here where women have partner who have angry and violent outbursts at home when the slightest thing doesn't go their way . But they are perfectly normal at work or with their friends. They say it's because they wife " winds them up " or " presses their buttons " but it's because they nee to control their wife and keeping her walking on eggehsells is a great way to do it. That means that she spends all her life thinking of him and how to avoid upsetting him .

Being abusive isn't a mental illness and psychiatrist can't fix it . and most abusers don't want " fixed " because their behaviour gets them what they want .

I realise this may not be relevant to your FC but I thought I woudl mention it. Because you and the other kids might end up acting like an abused wife, IYSWIM

Kr1stina Wed 26-Oct-16 08:10:07

Another good opt out that CAHMS use is to say that they might have a personality disorder but it's unethical to diagnose this before they are 18 so they can't do anything . They really really don't like dealing with Behavioural problems and have lots of tricks to avoid it .

Just to warn you.

Despite their general uselessness, they are important to SW. I'd be telling your worker that you don't know how long you can keeo this child and they need an appointment fast.

ImperialBlether Fri 28-Oct-16 13:15:38

I think it's really unethical that your other foster children and your own children have to live with someone who's behaving like this. I know it's a very difficult situation for you, OP, but surely your SWs have a responsibility to the other children to make sure they are safe, both mentally and physically?

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