I had pretty severe anxiety and PND after my first son was born almost 4 years ago. It took me ages to admit I had a serious problem and needed to take ADs.
I was referredfke CBT counselling when DS1was 4mo but I didn't really get better and then finally went on 20mg Citalopram when he was just over a year old and within about 3 months felt immensely better, back to my old self.
Got pregnant again when ds1 turned 2, and last summer I had a second baby boy who is now 15mo.
I didn't get PND second time around (very different experience: bottle fed from birth and a very different baby: very chilled and laid back/happy/content - the absolute opposite of colicky-screamer DS1).
Anyway I now have 3.11yo ds1 and 15mo ds2. They both go to nursery 4 days a week and I work in a pretty stressful job (NHS management role).
Over the last couple of months I have gradually been feeling more and more negative about my life - I feel like I hate being a mum, I can't stand looking after my children, I find them such hard work and feel like a total fucking failure at it. They are both totally hyper and full-on and whenever we go anywhere like a library/cafe/shop it's like taking 2 wild monkeys out. The baby is just a baby but he is starting to copy the older one's silliness now and I just cannot be arsed with it anymore.
This weekend I just kept thinking I would love to run away and leave them for my DH to raise cos he is so much more calm and patient with them then me.
I burst into tears in front of the boys most days and just can't carry on like this any more.
I don't know if I actually have depression again, or if my life is just relentless and shit??
Seeing it all written down here does it sound like I ought to go see the GP and ask for ADs again?
I just can't make head nor tail of how I feel anymore ☹️️
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Mental health
Does this sound like I need to go back on ADs?
10 replies
BotBotticelli · 23/10/2016 20:48
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