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I cannot cope anymore

(25 Posts)
Gracey1231 Wed 19-Oct-16 14:40:19

I'm 20 years old and a law student. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 2 when I was 16 after 3 stints in hospital they reassessed me and I was formally diagnosed with bipolar 1.

Every medication I have doesn't seem to make my life easier or manageable, it makes me either super happy one day or really down. Just like my bipolar but without the mania and depression secondary symptoms.

I have no one I can talk to about this. My boyfriend split up with me in august and is now showing signs of missing me which is making me worse, my EA narcissistic mother couldn't care less and doesn't really bother with me and my family are grieving my dad (their son and brother) and trying to help with my grandad who has dementia.

I hate my life, I want to be normal, I know some people have it worse and I probably sound so bratty but I can't take anymore. Who can help me. I am sick of my doctors they don't listen.

Why can't it just all go away.

MagicChanges Wed 19-Oct-16 20:05:25

Ohh *Gracie - that sounds so tough for you and at such a young age. Are you in secondary care - support of a CPN (or someone from CMHT) and reviewed by a conslt psychiatrist. If not you should be and it sounds like your meds need to be reviewed. Are you on lithium which I understand is effective for bipolar but I know these drugs affect people in different ways.

Is there a counsellor at uni that you can talk to and get support. Sorry I know all this is like a "sticking plaster" when all you want is to be normal - it's not much to ask is it, but I guess it's what we all want when suffering a mental illness. Are you able to cope with your studies. A friend of mine supports students at uni on an individual basis, when they are suffering MH problems or some other kind of distress.

You don't sound bratty at all - and it doesn't matter that some people have it worse, that's not going to make life any easier for you. Just wish I could be more help. Do your friends at uni understand. I think one of the problems is the stigma that still surrounds mental illness and shows no signs of going away. Have you tried looking on the Re- Think website and YoungMinds..........sorry just can't think of anything else, but sending warm wishes.............

dangermouseisace Wed 19-Oct-16 21:15:34

sorry to hear you're having such a hard time gracie

Have you been to the student support services at your university? I must say that some of the help I got at university was the most useful I ever got- counselling and my GP (there was a campus surgery) was excellent. A friend had a psychotic episode whilst I was doing postgrad at another university and she found that after that she was classed as having a disability and got extra help from student support too. At least you might be able to have someone to talk to, who will understand your situation and provide some sort of guidance.

ProfessorPreciseaBug Wed 19-Oct-16 21:42:50

Gracey,
I am also a manic depressive... I much prefer that to the cold Type whatever bipolar.. From my experience I can never be "normal"...

But I don't want to be "normal". We are in very good company. Churchill, Ruby Wax, George III, Stephen Fry, Spike Mailgna, Robin Williams, to name a few of us. If you look about it is the fruitcakes like is that make the world a more intereting place. My DP would be devestated if I could take a pill and become "normal" ..

OK sometimes I get a bit odd... Like coming home with four tins of sardines and two bottles of whiskey.. And I have had a trqin crash of a career, but I have come to love myself as my DP loves me..

Good luck.

Gracey1231 Thu 20-Oct-16 00:18:53

I just wish I had a friend.

normage Thu 20-Oct-16 00:37:51

Oh Gracie, can only begin to imagine what you're going through. Just did a quick search for helplines and as well as the ones mentioned above, I also came across Bipolar UK, which is a user led charity with support groups. There is help out there, from people who know what difficulties you face. Also, meeting other people and sharing experiences could help you to not feel so alone.

Gracey1231 Thu 20-Oct-16 01:07:47

It's just having the confidence to go out there. It's something I lack because of this. I'm gonna keep trying to build myself up and see how it goes.

My breakup seems to be affecting me so badly today. I can't cope at all I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I wish I could end it all

HeiLala Thu 20-Oct-16 01:49:25

I'm so sorry you feel this way!! If you are having suicidal thoughts, please seek help! Even the a&e if you really feel in need of immediate intervention! I know it will not feel like it now, but you are young and the future can have lots of positive things in store for you. You said your ex is showing signs of missing you. Is he trying to get you to take him back? Or is there something else about the breakup that is affecting you badly today as you said?

AnxiousCarer Thu 20-Oct-16 18:41:29

Hi Gracey,

So sorry that you are having such a tough time. You have more to deal with than a lot of students. Are your course tutors aware, they may be able to help adjust the workload eg extending deadlines. A lot of students struggle with mental health at uni (even those with no previous of problems) so unis tend to be well set up to support people with mental health problems. I accessed councelling through the uni when I was a student that was very helpful. I was depressed and suicidal at the time.

If things are desperate and you're not feeling safe right now have you got a crisis team number you can call. It will probably be available online or through the local hospital switchboard. Or you can go to a&e as a safe place or contact samaritans for support. You can get through this.

Do mind have any groups near you? A friend of mine runs a support group for people with bipolar (she also has it) I wonder if there is anything like this local to you.

Gracey1231 Fri 21-Oct-16 01:43:47

Hi everyone thank you for being so kind.
My medication still isn't working and I haven't slept for a few days properly so I'm going to contact uni in the morning and let them know my situation.
I phoned the doctor this morning for some help in regards to my meds they wouldn't give me an emergency appointment until November, unfortunate but it's winter and people get unwell so I've been told to go to A&E if I feel suicidal or anything
Haven't had a very good day at all today regards to my mood and motivation, however I took a step forward in my breakup which is positive.

Thank you so much for being my friends guys your support and kind words mean soooo much x

BecauseIamabear Fri 21-Oct-16 10:39:22

Hope this finds you in sort of OK mood this morning..
Do keep posting

normage Fri 21-Oct-16 12:36:02

Yes, please do keep posting. Really glad you have made some enquiries about support. The help is there, but people need to know you are struggling. Can you arrange a telephone appt with gp to discuss meds?

Gracey1231 Sat 22-Oct-16 00:41:37

Hi guys! Spoke to uni today and they're giving me a mini assessment on Tuesday to see how I'm coping.

GP aren't providing much support as they won't discuss my medication over the phone as its security, unsure. They basically said the best route for me is voluntary admission as I am not medicated at the moment, I have slept most of the day because my meds affects my sleep and I wasn't able to relax and have a normal sleep.

Unsure on voluntary admission, it's quite scary

normage Sat 22-Oct-16 13:42:18

Really good news that uni are aware you're struggling and are doing a mini assessment. Maybe talk to them about voluntary admission and what that entails. Other thing I thought was if you phoned a helpline/information line they could explain it to you and then you're making an informed decision as to whether or not it would be helpful to you right now.

BecauseIamabear Sat 22-Oct-16 17:32:39

'OOI what meds are you on at the moment?

AnxiousCarer Sat 22-Oct-16 21:51:06

I suppose with a voluntary admission if you don't like it you are free to leave again, but at least it will hopefully get things sorted. Have they told you how you would go about this?

Gracey1231 Sat 22-Oct-16 22:02:20

I'm currently on lithium and aripraprazole

They said I can inform my local authority I'm a risk to myself and volunteer to be admitted. I have an idea it's under the same wing as sectioning

AutumnalLeaves38 Sun 23-Oct-16 18:48:43

Hi Gracey

How are you doing this evening, love?

Have you managed any rest?

Nothing helpful to add, I'm afraid, but we're all behind you.

Take care flowers

PS If you need to speak with someone who understands: www.bipolaruk.org/youth (for 18-25s)

Gracey1231 Mon 24-Oct-16 01:51:39

Hi friends!
It's my birthday today!! Yayyy!

Currently withdrawn from lithium and on half dose of ariprazole (not prescribed by doctor just halving the tablets) and I'm feeling less jittery today
I slept for around 14 hours yesterday and went out for lunch. However today is a different story, feel like I'm on a caffeine buzz and am now crashing as I've been very very depressed today, regarding something that happened years ago I'm struggling to let it go for whatever reason.

During my lunch out I saw a lot of girls with their mums and my relationship with my own mum isn't great so was feeling very down and jealous (sad I know) as I mostly do things alone these days

Hope everyone had an amazing weekend! Hugs and love xxxx

AutumnalLeaves38 Mon 24-Oct-16 07:57:09

For Birthday Girl Gracey,

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/66/76/82/6676826490118613ff0dcc5bc19ba4b7.jpg

Because you deserve to feel special on your 21st, regardless of what else is going on....

(Sending you a separate PM)

x

BecauseIamaBear Mon 24-Oct-16 08:51:29

Happy Birthday ...

normage Mon 24-Oct-16 09:38:29

Oh Gracey,

Happy Birthday 🎂 to you
Happy Birthday 🎂 to you
Happy Birthday 🎂 dear Gracey
Happy Birthday 🎂 to you

Hope you have a good day. Treat yourself to something nice! X

dangermouseisace Mon 24-Oct-16 11:06:45

happy birthday Gracey

Is not taking lithium/halving AP your unilateral choice or does your doctor know?

AnxiousCarer Mon 24-Oct-16 12:40:16

Happy Birthday flowers

I spent my 21st in the depths of depression too but I've made up for it since. Big hugs to you.

normage Tue 25-Oct-16 15:32:00

How did you get on at the assessment at uni Gracey?

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